Never Split the Difference Summary

It happens when people respond differently to the same choice depending on how it is framed.

People place greater value on moving from 90 percent to 100 percent—high probability to certainty—than from 45 percent to 55 percent, even though they’re both ten percentage points.

Tactical empathy means balancing the subtle behaviors of emotional intelligence and the assertive skills of influence, to gain access to the mind of another person.

Psychotherapy research shows that when individuals feel listened to, they tend to listen to themselves more carefully and to openly evaluate and clarify their own thoughts and feelings. In addition, they tend to become less defensive and oppositional and more willing to listen to other points of view.

For good negotiators, "No" is pure gold.

Why?

That negative provides a great opportunity for you and the other party to clarify what you really want by eliminating what you don't want.

Remember:

"No" is a safe choice that maintains the status quo; it provides a temporary oasis of control.

We've been conditioned to fear the word "No". But is a statement of perception far more often than of fact. 

"No" is often a decision, frequently temporary, to maintain the status quo.

Remember:

Change is scary, and "No" provides a little protection from that scariness.

Negotiation was seen as a zero-sum game for a long time. The goal was to get as much out of the interaction as possible—but always at your opponent’s expense. Your counterpart was your enemy, and the negotiation was a battle. The idea is to realize that the situation is the adversary and that the person across the table is actually your negotiating partner—a partner who is to be worked with, not against, in pursuit of a mutually beneficial outcome. In short, effective negotiation is collaborative.

The idea is to demonstrate that you are not here to deceive or exploit the other side—sometimes showing deference can be key.

Be genuinely interested in what drives the other side. Understanding their goals, motivations, wants, and fears will help you navigate the negotiation effectively. An authentic connection with your negotiating partner will help lead to an optimal outcome for both parties.

Navigating "Never Split the Difference" is like being a master chef in a gourmet kitchen, where ingredients like empathy, mirroring, and labeling are skillfully blended to create the perfect dish of negotiation, achieving desired outcomes with a touch of psychological finesse.

1. Tactical Empathy: Involves understanding the emotions of the counterpart and using that understanding to your advantage.
2. Mirroring: This technique involves repeating the last three words (or the critical one to three words) of what someone has just said to encourage your counterpart to expand on their thoughts
3. Labeling: By putting a name to your counterpart's emotions, you can diffuse their negative feelings and reinforce their positive ones.

Imagine walking into a negotiation not just armed with facts and figures but with a deep, intuitive understanding of the person across the table. Tactical empathy is about seeing the world through their eyes, not to sympathize, but to strategize. It's like being a chess player who knows the game not just from your side of the board but from your opponent's perspective as well.

First understand, it's not a war it's a truce. Both sides are faced by different aspects of the same problem.

Empathy is essential. Pay attention to them, Hear them! You should take their perspective to understand it fully. Use this empathy to create a bond between two parties. Identity the common aspects of the problem & make them take it your way.

It's very simple yet very effective skill. It's just repeating selected words from sentence in a specific tone. And by this people will explain further or will feel listened to. Use this so they will feel listened and will like you!

It happens when people respond differently to the same choice depending on how it is framed.

People place greater value on moving from 90 percent to 100 percent—high probability to certainty—than from 45 percent to 55 percent, even though they’re both ten percentage points.

Tactical empathy means balancing the subtle behaviors of emotional intelligence and the assertive skills of influence, to gain access to the mind of another person.

Psychotherapy research shows that when individuals feel listened to, they tend to listen to themselves more carefully and to openly evaluate and clarify their own thoughts and feelings. In addition, they tend to become less defensive and oppositional and more willing to listen to other points of view.

• The majority of the interactions we have at work and at home represent negotiations.

• Negotiation serves two distinct functions: information gathering and behavior influencing—and includes almost any interaction where each party wants something—and includes almost any interaction where each party wants something from the other side.

• Negotiation is not an act of battle; it’s a process of discovery. The goal is to uncover as much information as possible.

One way to show that you're listening is to mirror the person's words, tone and body language. 

while negotiating with the counterpart one should calibrate the questions in how and why form. This will give illusion to the counterpart that they are controlling the conversation but actually you are the one who is redirecting the counterpart in your desired direction

Facilitate this need in your opponent to take control in negotiations.

Ask Calibrated questions like “How am I supposed to do that?” or “What is the biggest challenge you face"

Start questions with “what” and “how.” “Who,” “when,” and “where” will cause your counterpart to share a fact without thinking. Try to avoid “why”.