by Chris Voss
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It happens when people respond differently to the same choice depending on how it is framed.
People place greater value on moving from 90 percent to 100 percent—high probability to certainty—than from 45 percent to 55 percent, even though they’re both ten percentage points.
Tactical empathy means balancing the subtle behaviors of emotional intelligence and the assertive skills of influence, to gain access to the mind of another person.
Psychotherapy research shows that when individuals feel listened to, they tend to listen to themselves more carefully and to openly evaluate and clarify their own thoughts and feelings. In addition, they tend to become less defensive and oppositional and more willing to listen to other points of view.
• The majority of the interactions we have at work and at home represent negotiations.
• Negotiation serves two distinct functions: information gathering and behavior influencing—and includes almost any interaction where each party wants something—and includes almost any interaction where each party wants something from the other side.
• Negotiation is not an act of battle; it’s a process of discovery. The goal is to uncover as much information as possible.
Your most powerful tool in any verbal communication is your voice.
There are essentially 3 voice tones available to negotiators:
• The late-night FM DJ voice: Inflect your voice downward, keeping it calm and slow, to create an aura of authority.
• The positive/playful voice: It’s the voice of an easygoing, good-natured person.
• The direct or assertive voice: Used rarely. Will cause problems and create pushback.
we risk undermining the rapport and trust we’ve built.
The passage of time is one of the most important tools for a negotiator. When you slow the process down, you also calm it down. After all, if someone is talking, they’re not shooting.
"The goal is to identify what your counterparts actually need (monetarily, emotionally, or otherwise) and get them feeling safe enough to talk and talk and talk some more about what they want. The latter will help you discover the former."
The Mirroring Technique
A “mirror” is when you repeat the last three words (or the critical one to three words) of what someone has just said.
Mirroring is the art of insinuating similarity, which facilitates bonding. By repeating back what people say, you trigger this mirroring instinct and your counterpart will inevitably elaborate on what was just said and sustain the process of connecting.
Instead of ignoring emotions, good negotiators identify or influence them.
Labeling is a technique used to acknowledge a counterpart’s emotion, leaving them feeling validated:
• Detect the other person’s emotional state
• After spotting an emotion you want to highlight, label it aloud without using “I” statements
• After throwing out a label, be quiet and listen.
• You’re dealing with a person who wants to be appreciated and understood. So use labels to reinforce and encourage positive perceptions and dynamics.
• No” allows the real issues to be brought forth
• “No” protects people from making—and lets them correct— ineffective decisions
• “No” slows things down so that people can freely embrace their decisions and the agreements they enter into
• “No” helps people feel safe, secure, emotionally comfortable, and in control of their decisions
• “No” moves everyone’s efforts forward.
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