It can be helpful to buy some time to analyze the situation and figure out what we want exactly.
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Often, if you can open up a conversation, the rest will flow.
Basic conversation starters to get the ball rolling for a difficult :
● “I thought you should know . . .”
●“I need to share my experience of what went down, because I’d like you to understand how I feel and where I am coming from . . .”
Formula: “When I see/experience ______________, I feel ______________ because my need for ______________ is not met. Would you be willing to ______________?”
When someone makes a rude comment and then says, “I’m just being honest,” it isn't always constructive criticism or even true.
Someone who gives you genuinely constructive criticism is actually rooting for you. If you respect this person & know them to be genuine, you will likely be open to their feedback.
If not, then you can say -
“What you call ‘honesty’, I call you ‘giving me your unsolicited opinion and criticism’. Please don’t.”
When sharing some problem or news with friends or family who are quick to give their opinion, set them up for success by starting with a qualifier like:
We don’t owe anyone our personal information, especially not to satisfy their curiosity. If the person persists, repeat your stock answer.
Here are a few ways to buy yourself more time to assess the situation.
Emotions like overwhelm, anger, and frustration may indicate that others are intruding on your personal time or space.
Instead of pushing the feelings away, try understanding them. It will allow you to set the right boundaries.
Boundaries can be described as how emotionally close you let people get to you. They are also where you draw the line within a relationship. They say how much you are willing to give or take before requiring that things change or deciding to call it quits.
Setting healthy boundaries in relationships is a key skill for relationship stress management. It is a kindness we can do for ourselves as well as for those we are close to.
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