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5 Strategies Resilient People Use to Overcome Rejection (No Matter How Much it Stings)

Acknowledging Emotions

Trying to minimize the pain by convincing yourself—or someone else—it was “no big deal” will only prolong your pain. The best way to deal with uncomfortable emotions is to face them head-on.

Admit when you're embarrassed, sad, disappointed, or discouraged. Be confident in your ability to cope with discomfort in a healthy manner.

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5 Strategies Resilient People Use to Overcome Rejection (No Matter How Much it Stings)

5 Strategies Resilient People Use to Overcome Rejection (No Matter How Much it Stings)

https://www.themuse.com/advice/5-strategies-resilient-people-use-to-overcome-rejection-no-matter-how-much-it-stings

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Key Ideas

Acknowledging Emotions

Trying to minimize the pain by convincing yourself—or someone else—it was “no big deal” will only prolong your pain. The best way to deal with uncomfortable emotions is to face them head-on.

Admit when you're embarrassed, sad, disappointed, or discouraged. Be confident in your ability to cope with discomfort in a healthy manner.

Rejection and pushing limits

If you never get rejected, you may be living too far inside your comfort zone

You can’t be sure you’re pushing yourself to your limits until you get turned down every now and then. When you get rejected for a project, passed up for a job, or turned down by a friend, you’ll know you’re putting yourself out there.

Treat yourself with compassion

Whether you got dumped by your long-term love or blindsided by a recent firing, beating yourself up will only keep you down. Speak to yourself like a trusted friend.

Don't let rejection define you

Keep rejection in proper perspective.

One person’s opinion, or one single incident, should never define who you are. Don’t let your self-worth depend upon other people’s opinions of you. Just because someone else thinks something about you, doesn’t mean it’s true.

Learn from rejection

Use rejection as an opportunity to move forward with more wisdom.

Whether you learn about areas in your life that need improvement, or you simply recognize that being turned down isn’t awful as you imagined, rejection can be a good teacher.

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Acknowledge Your Emotions

Mentally strong people admit when they're embarrassed, sad, disappointed, or discouraged. They have confidence in their ability to deal with uncomfortable emotions head-on, ...

Rejection And Pushing Limits

For mentally strong people, rejection serves as proof that they're living life to the fullest. They expect to be rejected sometimes, and they're not afraid to go for it, even when they suspect it may be a long shot.

If you never get rejected, you may be living too far inside your comfort zone.

Treat Yourself With Compassion

Rather than think, "You're so stupid for thinking you could do that," mentally strong people treat themselves with compassion. 

They respond to negative self-talk with a kinder, more affirming message.

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Don't become sensitive to rejection
Many times the rejection does 50 percent of the damage and we do the other 50 percent of the damage. 

We start with this high volume of negative self-talk and criticism that takes the ...

Rejection hurts

Humans are social animals -- which makes rejection all the more emotionally painful.

Anything that keeps us out of the group in an overt way, we're going to have a hard time with. It's an important aspect of who we are.

Identifying the hardest-hit

People whose self-esteem is lower will experience rejection as more painful, and it'll take them a little longer to get over it. Those who have higher self-esteem -- but who aren't narcissists -- tend to be more resilient.

Rejection-sensitive people might think about 'How can I get myself out of this situation?' or how to avoid a situation altogether.

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Schadenfreude

It's the experience of feeling of joy in other's harm, the  pleasure of witnessing the troubles, failures, or humiliation of another.

The 3 forms of schadenfreude

  • Aggression-based schadenfreude: when members of a group experience schadenfreude at the misfortunes of those outside their group;
  • Rivalry-based schadenfreude: driven by social comparison;
  • Justice-based schadenfreude: the feeling that one experiences when somebody finally gets what's coming to them

Rekindling Of An Old Flame
Rekindling Of An Old Flame

Breakups and subsequent renewals are quite common across all types of romantic relationships and even marriages.

Falling apart and then seeking to mend the old relationship seems to be dee...

The Protest Phase

When people experience breakups they go through the ‘protest’ phase initially, and the rejected lover becomes obsessed with winning back the person who has quit the relationship.

Rejection, paradoxically, makes the rejected person love the partner even more. This is called a ‘Frustration Attraction’, and can be categorized as an addiction.

Chemical Reactions

The rejected lover experiences high levels of dopamine and norepinephrine in the brain, and are visibly stressed out. These chemical reactions trigger many to do crazy things to win their ex back. Such feelings are erased quickly if the lover starts dating a new partner.

Some people also feel increasingly passionate and loving after the breakup and are more likely to forgive their ex.

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When you feel rejected

At first, rejection interferes with your need to belong. You move through, not feeling good enough, not worthy, unlovable, confused.

Then you move to introspection, looking for the flaws with...

It’s not about you

Instead of gaining control, you subject yourself to the opinion of someone else. It turns you against yourself and away from the truth.

You were not rejected; the outcome you desired was. Be honest about the motives. You might be wanting the wrong thing.

The pain is optional

Rejection means that you are going down the wrong path. You need to turn around.

Life is about learning and growing, and understanding that something better is waiting for you. You don't have to embrace the pain of rejection.

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Being rejected

Research has shown that social rejection activates many of the same brain regions involved in physical pain, which helps explains why disapproval stings.

Approval-seeking territory

You're in this territory if you:

  • Change or downplay your point of view to appease your boss or agree with the rest of the team in meetings.
  • Compliment colleagues’ work, so they’ll like you.
  • Always say yes to requests for your time, even if it means compromising your professional boundaries.
  • Fail to speak up if you’ve been treated unfairly by a co-worker or boss.
  • Become upset or insulted when someone disagrees with you or heavily edits your work.
Behind Your Need for Approval

Reflect on how your childhood or early development may be contributing to your current approval-seeking behavior. In many cases, a tendency to seek approval at work stems from something in your past. 

For example, were you taught to respect authority growing up? If so, you may feel uncomfortable expressing disagreement in work contexts.

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Feelings are summary judgments

Most of the time we don’t second guess them, and even if we do, they often end up overwhelming us. 

Negative feelings are very powerful and harder to question: we identify with them effo...

Misunderstanding resilience

Resilience is most times associated with being tough. But that’s not gonna get you very far with feelings. Don't try to be invulnerable. Aim for flexibility instead.

You cannot avoid or resist all pain in life. But you can learn to live with your discomfort better.

"Solving" emotions

We have trouble dealing with feelings because the usual problem-solving rules don't really apply to them.

When faced with a problem, we can always avoid it or deny it. But attempting to resist negative feelings won’t work. Any attempt at suppression only amplifies them. We must go from avoidance to acceptance.

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Superiority and entitlement

The world of the narcissist is all about good/bad, superior/inferior, and right/wrong. There is a definite hierarchy, with the narcissist at the top—which is the only place he feels safe. 

Exaggerated need for attention

Narcissists need constant attention—even following you around the house or constantly saying something to grab your attention. 

Despite all their self-absorbed, grandiose bragging, narcissists are actually very insecure and fearful of not measuring up. They constantly try to elicit praise and approval from others to shore up their fragile egos, but no matter how much they've received, they always want more.

Perfectionism

Narcissists believe they should be perfect, you should be perfect, events should happen exactly as expected, and life should play out precisely as they envision it. 

The demand for unattainable perfection leads the narcissist to complain and be constantly dissatisfied.

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What Vulnerability Really Is

Vulnerability is consciously choosing to freely express your thoughts, feelings, desires, and opinions regardless of what others might think of you.

Vulnerability is showing your rough edges ...

Accept who you are

When someone admits they are bad at something, they will probably be more respected.

Accept who you are, faults and all.

Taking responsibility

When you take responsibility for your problems, you're in control of the solution. When you blame others, you’re handing over control to someone else. And you cannot control them.

Taking up responsibility shows that you accept reality for what it is and set out to work with what you have. 

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Judgment is subjective

You can decide to interpret rejection as evidence of someone’s perception rather than as evidence of your flawed nature.

The area rug that is...

People who reject you are the minority
  • Estimate how many people you’ve met in your entire life. 
  • Count the number of people who have severely rejected you. 
  • Divide the second number by the first, and you’ll see how the result rarely exceeds 1%.

Is 1% significant? 

Don't focus on the rejection

You can be aware of the unpleasant experience, but if you don’t focus on it, you’ll take away its power.

Place your attention on the positive feedback and support you receive from others. Being consciously aware of the people who have encouraged you will allow you to align with high-energy emotions and positive situations.

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