Acknowledging Emotions

Humans are social animals -- which makes rejection all the more emotionally painful.

Anything that keeps us out of the group in an overt way, we're going to have a hard time with. It's an important aspect of who we are.

• Aggression-based schadenfreude: when members of a group experience schadenfreude at the misfortunes of those outside their group;
• Rivalry-based schadenfreude: driven by social comparison;
• Justice-based schadenfreude: the feeling that one experiences when somebody finally gets what's coming to them

When people experience breakups they go through the ‘protest’ phase initially, and the rejected lover becomes obsessed with winning back the person who has quit the relationship.

Rejection, paradoxically, makes the rejected person love the partner even more. This is called a ‘Frustration Attraction’, and can be categorized as an addiction.

The rejected lover experiences high levels of dopamine and norepinephrine in the brain, and are visibly stressed out. These chemical reactions trigger many to do crazy things to win their ex back. Such feelings are erased quickly if the lover starts dating a new partner.

Some people also feel increasingly passionate and loving after the breakup and are more likely to forgive their ex.

Instead of gaining control, you subject yourself to the opinion of someone else. It turns you against yourself and away from the truth.

You were not rejected; the outcome you desired was. Be honest about the motives. You might be wanting the wrong thing.

Rejection means that you are going down the wrong path. You need to turn around.

Life is about learning and growing, and understanding that something better is waiting for you. You don't have to embrace the pain of rejection.

You're in this territory if you:

• Change or downplay your point of view to appease your boss or agree with the rest of the team in meetings.
• Compliment colleagues’ work, so they’ll like you.
• Always say yes to requests for your time, even if it means compromising your professional boundaries.
• Fail to speak up if you’ve been treated unfairly by a co-worker or boss.
• Become upset or insulted when someone disagrees with you or heavily edits your work.

Reflect on how your childhood or early development may be contributing to your current approval-seeking behavior. In many cases, a tendency to seek approval at work stems from something in your past. 

For example, were you taught to respect authority growing up? If so, you may feel uncomfortable expressing disagreement in work contexts.

Resilience is most times associated with being tough. But that’s not gonna get you very far with feelings. Don't try to be invulnerable. Aim for flexibility instead.

You cannot avoid or resist all pain in life. But you can learn to live with your discomfort better.

We have trouble dealing with feelings because the usual problem-solving rules don't really apply to them.

When faced with a problem, we can always avoid it or deny it. But attempting to resist negative feelings won’t work. Any attempt at suppression only amplifies them. We must go from avoidance to acceptance.

Narcissists need constant attention—even following you around the house or constantly saying something to grab your attention. 

Despite all their self-absorbed, grandiose bragging, narcissists are actually very insecure and fearful of not measuring up. They constantly try to elicit praise and approval from others to shore up their fragile egos, but no matter how much they've received, they always want more.

Narcissists believe they should be perfect, you should be perfect, events should happen exactly as expected, and life should play out precisely as they envision it. 

The demand for unattainable perfection leads the narcissist to complain and be constantly dissatisfied.

When someone admits they are bad at something, they will probably be more respected.

Accept who you are, faults and all.

When you take responsibility for your problems, you're in control of the solution. When you blame others, you’re handing over control to someone else. And you cannot control them.

Taking up responsibility shows that you accept reality for what it is and set out to work with what you have. 

• Estimate how many people you’ve met in your entire life. 
• Count the number of people who have severely rejected you. 
• Divide the second number by the first, and you’ll see how the result rarely exceeds 1%.

Is 1% significant? 

You can be aware of the unpleasant experience, but if you don’t focus on it, you’ll take away its power.

Place your attention on the positive feedback and support you receive from others. Being consciously aware of the people who have encouraged you will allow you to align with high-energy emotions and positive situations.