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The Critical 7 Rules To Understand People
Our Feelings Are Not Explicit
Most of the time you feel something, nobody else knows about it. So don’t get angry when people aren’t responding to you.
If you deceive your thoughts with your actions, don’t get angry when you fool people.
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We're (Mostly) Focused On Ourselves
- People are only focusing a small portion of their thoughts on judging you; your self-judgment is overwhelmingly larger.
- People who appear to be mean or hurtful don’t usually do it intentionally. There are exceptions, but generally, the hurt you feel is a side-effect.
- Relationships are your job to maintain. Don’t wait to be invited to parties or for people to approach you.
Few Social Behaviors are Explicit
Most of the intentions behind our actions are hidden. If a person is feeling depressed or angry, usually the resulting behaviors distort their true feelings.
By focusing on empathy you can usually break away these subversions and get to the heart of the issue faster.
Our Feelings Are Not Explicit
Most of the time you feel something, nobody else knows about it. So don’t get angry when people aren’t responding to you.
If you deceive your thoughts with your actions, don’t get angry when you fool people.
Selfish Altruism
It happens when helping you directly or indirectly helps me. And our behavior is largely dictated by it.
Start understanding the motives of people and appeal to them as if they were selfish. Don’t expect people to offer aid outside of selfish altruism, it isn’t impossible, but it isn’t likely.
People Have Poor Memories
People are forgetful by nature (especially with information that doesn’t apply to themselves), so once again, don’t assume malice or disinterest if something is forgotten.
Everyone Is Emotional
Don't assume everything is fine just because someone isn’t having a nervous breakdown.
We all have our individual problems, angst, and upsets that are normally contained.
Loneliness
So many people who seem to have it all suffer from bouts of loneliness.
As social animals, people are especially sensitive to any threats to becoming ostracized.
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7 Characteristics Of Strategic Thinkers
- Vision: they use a mix of logic and creativity to define ambitious but rigorous visions of what needs to be achieved.
- Framework: taking into account their own biases, timeline and resources, they can define their objectives and develop multiple action plans.
- Perceptiveness: they observe and understand the world from all the different perspectives.
- Assertiveness: They’re good at evaluating, deciding and promptly executing their decisions without letting doubts fog their vision.
- Flexibility: they seek advice to compensate for their weaknesses and then twist their ideas and framework to achieve their goals. But they are flexible without breaking the rules.
- Emotional Balance: they are aware and balance their emotions so as to favor the achievement of their goals.
- Patience: they understand that most achievements are a long-term endeavor involving various milestones and a lot of effort.
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Creating quantitative models
Most of the psychological theories are verbal, but words can be imprecise. If "cooperation is intuitive", it needs to state when. And what does "intuitive" mean?
In order to solve this, compu...
The Sims computer simulation
These models represent collections of individual people described by computer algorithms that capture a specific set of traits, such as a tendency to cooperate or not.
- You can give them new personalities to see how they would behave.
- You can observe social processes in action.
- You can observe time scales, from seconds to generations.
- You can watch the spread of certain behaviors throughout a population and you can see how certain behaviors influence other behaviors.
The patterns that emerge can tell you things about large-scale social interaction that lab experiments and real people never could.
The human instinct to cooperate
There seems to be evolutionary logic to the human ability to cooperate but adjust if necessary. To trust, but verify.
We generally collaborate with other people because it benefits us. Our rational minds let us work out when we might occasionally gain by acting selfishly instead.
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Information that matches our beliefs
We surround ourselves with it: We tend to like people who think like us; if we agree with someone's beliefs, we're more likely to be friends with them.
This makes sense, but it means ...
The "swimmer's body illusion"
It's a thinking mistake and it occurs when we confuse selection factors with results.
Professional swimmers don't have perfect bodies because they train extensively. Rather, they are good swimmers because of their physiques.
The sunk cost fallacy
It plays on this tendency of ours to emphasize loss over gain.
The term sunk cost refers to any cost that has been paid already and cannot be recovered. The reason we can't ignore the cost, even though it's already been paid, is that we're wired to feel loss far more strongly than gain.
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