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The 3 Requirements of All Healthy Friendships

Vulnerability

In order for a relationship where both people feel seen, it must develop vulnerability.

As we spend more consistent time together, we are also incrementally revealing and sharing more of who we are with each other.  The more we let someone see us (always increasing our positivity with responses such as affirmation, acceptance, and empathy) then the more loved we’ll feel for who we are.

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IDEA EXTRACTED FROM:

The 3 Requirements of All Healthy Friendships

The 3 Requirements of All Healthy Friendships

https://www.huffpost.com/entry/the-3-requirements-of-all-healthy-friendships_b_58b6153fe4b0658fc20f9b64

huffpost.com

4

Key Ideas

A Definition of Friendship

A friendship is a mutual relationship between two people that is satisfying, safe, and where both people feel seen.

Positivity

In order for a relationship to be satisfying, it must have a foundation of positivity.

Positive feelings are paramount to our friendships because these are the relationships we are entering by choice. We all want our friendships to add more joy, peace, and support to our lives.

Consistency

In order for a relationship to be safe, it must develop consistency.

Consistency is the action of repeating our time together which in turn develops our trust as we begin to create and modify expectations of each other. It’s what builds a shared history and increases our commitment and feeling of support in each other.

Vulnerability

In order for a relationship where both people feel seen, it must develop vulnerability.

As we spend more consistent time together, we are also incrementally revealing and sharing more of who we are with each other.  The more we let someone see us (always increasing our positivity with responses such as affirmation, acceptance, and empathy) then the more loved we’ll feel for who we are.

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Support, trust, and honesty

Friendships are built on mutuality and reciprocity — be there for her, so that she will be there for you.

If you can’t be straight with her or feel the need to hide your actions...

Listen to your friends

Friendships require attention and tending — if we don’t truly know what a friend needs, and if we don’t clearly state what we’re feeling or needing ourselves, friendships just won’t survive.

Ditch the judgment

Assume the best and give your friend the benefit of the doubt. If you’re quick to assume the worst and ready to lay down blame, you’re not going to be the kind of friend that anyone wants for the long haul. 

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The need for close friendships

We are social beings and we need to create intimacy with other people, for the well-being of our body, mind, and heart.

Close friendships regulate ...

Defining closeness

Close friendships need intimacy and reciprocation to exist.
  • Intimacy means being able to be fully yourself and be seen and understood by others.
  • Reciprocation means that both people feel they are seen and understood by the other person. 

“We think about relationships as things that happen to us, but the truth is that we make them happen.”

“We think about relationships as things that happen to us, but the truth is that we make them happen.”

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Socrates

“Be slow to fall into friendship; but when thou art in, continue firm & constant.”

Socrates

Don't Gossip

Most of us want to be popular and resort to tactics like showing of and gossiping. The long term affects of being a gossip monger (losing trust and respect) outweigh any short term popularity you get.

Don't judge your friends

Most of our judgments towards our friends are wrong, and doing so leads to you being judged wrongly too.

Do not form opinions and pass judgments (not even mentally) and be happy to see your friendships blossom.

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