Our response to difficult conversations is neurologically the same response to fear: the fight, flight, or freeze response.
When you feel that internal escalation, think, “Oh this is really interesting, what’s happening is my reptilian brain is taking over. Just that awareness itself can be helpful.

Know your brain

A mediation mindset is a place for trying to get to the root of an issue. That might mean proceeding without an agenda and just trying to learn more. Use open-ended questions: "Can you tell me why?” Keep the questions to six words or fewer. And don’t think too much. Just be curious.

Ask open-ended questions

One of the traps of digging into hard conversations is a desire to get to a copacetic place where everyone feels better.  Head for the fiery core of the issue. Find the pain points. And, before getting wrapped up in resolving, acknowledge how they’re affecting everyone. The ultimate goal of mediation, after all, isn’t agreement. It’s understanding.

Go towards the heat

When we are in conflict, our view of the other person becomes so narrow that we do not see them as a fleshed-out person. 
Try to assume that the other person is acting in good faith. That baseline assumption can get you through plenty of instances of misplaced tone and timing.

Assume good intentions

To avoid miscommunication, repeat or summarize their words back to them in a form like, “What I’m hearing you say is…” It creates a feedback loop that allows someone to course correct or dial it back.

Repeat, repeat, repeat

Good communication is a full-body experience. It’s how we breathe. It’s our tone. It’s our gestures.  Cultivate habits like keeping an open expression, avoid defaulting to crossed arms, and taking deep breaths to help change the tenor of an interaction.
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Body language speaks volumes

Tactics for when things get tense at the office to help you diffuse the war at the water cooler.

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De-escalate Office Tension

We've all been there: the tense meeting, the adrenaline-spiked email, the feeling that we've hit the same speed bump a thousand times before. When tensions rise at work, we tend to subsume, get passive aggressive, or maybe plain old aggressive. And then just use our fallback coping mechanism to get through the rest of the day.

Body language speaks volumes

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