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Your Attachment Style Determines the Quality of Your Connections

The Secure Attachment Style

With a secure attachment style, you are comfortable with showing and accepting vulnerability.
You are self-aware: you know who you are are you are comfortable in your skin.
You don’t really worry about being lonely or if people accept you, and being connected to others is as important as maintaining your independence.

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Losing Friends With Grace

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psychologytoday.com

Friendships can be difficult. Attachment theory can show you how to ask for what you need, know what is reasonable, be a good friend yourself, and, when necessary, let go.

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Ending friendships

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Sometimes a friendship can become so painful or unhealthy that we need to end it.

But we often don't have clear guidance or formulas to make these decisions. Our negative emotions drive...

Attachment bonds

We commonly form attachment bonds with a friend. Although we don't talk about it, we do have unspoken psychological expectations when our friends become attachment figures.

The indicator of a secure attachment figure is that s/he is consistent, available, warm, and responsive. But an insecure attachment style (preoccupied, dismissing, or fearful) might struggle with friendship expectations or the ability to provide a secure base to others.

A secure attachment style

You are likely able to accept the good with the bad in your friends. You may get close to your friends but will also give them space. If you feel hurt by a friend, it won't consume you.

You will have seen enough relationships go through the ups and downs so that you know not all relationships last. You know you can tolerate the loss and are free to continue getting close to people.

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Attachment Theory

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markmanson.net

Attachment Theory is an area of psychology that describes the nature of emotional attachment between humans. It begins as children with our attachment to our parents. The nature of this attachment, and how well it's fostered and cared for, will then influence the nature of our attachment to romantic partners later in our life.

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Attachment Theory

Attachment theory is an area of psychology that describes the nature of emotional attachment between people, starting with your parents. The quality of how well you were cared for will then influen...

Secure Attachment Style

People with this style are comfortable showing interest and affection.
They are comfortable being alone and independent.
They can correctly prioritize their relationships.
They are able to draw clear boundaries and stick with them.

50% of the population is secure attachment types.

Anxious Attachment Style

They are often nervous and stressed about their relationships.
They need constant reassurance and affection from their partners.
They have trouble being alone or single.
They are often in unhealthy or abusive relationships.
They have trouble trusting people.
Their behavior can be irrational and overly emotional.

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How you attach to people may explain a lot about your inner life

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theguardian.com

In 2006, a team of Norwegian researchers set out to study how experienced psychotherapists help people to change. Led by Michael Rønnestad, a professor of clinical psychology at the University of Oslo, the team followed 50 therapist-patient pairs, tracking, in minute detail, what the therapists did that made them so effective.

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The Way Therapy Works

There is growing research on how therapy actually works. Psychological communication, dialogue, and intervention can work even better than pills.
This seems eve...

Therapy Techniques

Some therapists are just there to listen and provide a backdrop.
Even the silence that they exhibit seems to kindle the patients into divulging more of their most uncomfortable truths.
Others keep the sequence of assignments and tests lined up, never pausing.
Therapists play varied roles to get some valuable information out of the patient and make him better.

Therapy That Works

No particular form of therapy is proven to be better or more effective than others.

Different people prefer or respond to different forms of therapy.

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