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Give advice

If you feel compelled to give direct advice, do it. 

Some friends truly want and need to hear your opinion. Honest feedback, even when it may be hard to hear, can be just the tonic they need. Emphasize that your friend can take your advice or leave it.

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MORE IDEAS FROM THE SAME ARTICLE

Try, “You are in a tough situation"; Sounds like you’re between a rock and a hard place"; or "I’m so sorry you have to face this kind of problem right now.”

Identity questions help your friend get in touch with the values that make them the person they are. 

“What is really important to you?"; “What kind of life do you want to lead?”; and, "What kind of person do you want to become?"

If your friend seems to be afflicted with tunnel vision, help them expand their perspective. You could say, “There could be another way to look at this. What about…?” 

You could also expand perspective by pointing out the consequences of their actions to their future self: “This m...

“Tentative” means “not fully worked out, uncertain, or hesitant." 

Instead of assuming an expert stance, offer observations with a “beginner’s mind.” For example, say, “I’m not sure, but perhaps you worry that…”; or, “If you felt comfortable doing it, you could consider trying ….” 

Instead of giving direct advice, tell a brief story about what happened to you or someone else that could shed light on your friend’s situation.

Listen. Your very presence can be a comfort to a friend. Sometimes keeping someone company while they go through their trials is a gift in itself.

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Be in the Right Mindset

To put yourself in the right mindset, you need to:

  • Know your 'why': why is accomplishing this goal important to you.
  • Read the right books and talk to people with similar interests.

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Your career is defined by your skills and how you’ve used them, not by any external measure of your progress.

If you focus exclusively on improving your skills and your impact on your organization (or to the world at large), the promotions and raises tend to come as a byproduct.

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