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9 Ways to Be There for a Friend, Without Giving Advice
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Key Ideas
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Just be there
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Use the skill of tentativeness
“Tentative” means “not fully worked out, uncertain, or hesitant."
Instead of assuming an expert stance, offer observations with a “beginner’s mind.” For example, say, “I’m not sure, but perhaps you worry that…”; or, “If you felt comfortable doing it, you could consider trying ….”
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Tell a story
Instead of giving direct advice, tell a brief story about what happened to you or someone else that could shed light on your friend’s situation.
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Expand your friend’s perspective
If your friend seems to be afflicted with tunnel vision, help them expand their perspective. You could say, “There could be another way to look at this. What about…?”
You could also expand perspective by pointing out the consequences of their actions to their future self: “This may seem like a good idea at this moment, but how will you feel in a week?”
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Ask identity questions
Identity questions help your friend get in touch with the values that make them the person they are.
“What is really important to you?"; “What kind of life do you want to lead?”; and, "What kind of person do you want to become?"
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Give advice
Some friends truly want and need to hear your opinion. Honest feedback, even when it may be hard to hear, can be just the tonic they need. Emphasize that your friend can take your advice or leave it.
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SIMILAR ARTICLES & IDEAS:
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Key Ideas
"Rich Dad, Poor Dad" is Fiction
John T. Reed, a real estate investor, looked into the accuracy of Kiyosaki's best-selling book and found it inaccurate:
- The Rich Dad is most likely an invention. ...
"Rich Dad, Poor Dad" contains dangerous advice
According to John T. Reed the famous book is filled with bad advice:
Dangerous advice
- "If you're gonna go broke, go broke big"
- Convinces people that college is for suckers
Law-breaking advice
- Advocates committing a felony: have rich friends for trading stock based on non-public inside information, he says "That's what friends are for."
- Recommends tax fraud by deducting vacations and health club dues
- Brags about using a partner weasel clause in which his cat is his partner
Kiyosaki is making money from a personality cult
Many critics pointed out that Kiyosaki is selling a cult, not financial advice.
He is accused of tapping into the fantasies of the masses & being short on specifics, both attributes of religious cults.
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Key Ideas
Defining your career
If you focus exclusively on improving your skills and your impact on your organiz...
Treat your manager as a coach
A good manager’s job is to help you and the rest of your team get better results. So it would be logical that she should be invested in your career. When you do better, then by extension, she does better.
Hence, your manager should be on your side, who wants you to succeed, and who is willing to spend a good deal of time and energy to help you do that.
See yourself succeeding
There is research that shows if you can create a clear visualization of yourself achieving the outcome you want, you prime yourself to act in a way that is consistent with what you imagine.
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Key Ideas
Common lies we tell ourselves
- If I had more time, I would do X.
- If I say or do X, people will think I’m stupid.
- If I just say or do X, then that person will finally change.
- Everything is great/Everything sucks.
- There’s something inherently wrong or different about me.
- I would change, but I can’t because of X.
- I can’t live without X.
- I know what I’m doing.