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6 Keys to Staying in Love
Dealing Constructively With Control
Stay-in-love partners know that the need to feel in control at times is natural and that it offers an opportunity for learning and helping each other. Partners have confidence in their own autonomy to not react defensively or take it personally.
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Key Ideas
Responding To Urgency
Stay-in-love couples are authentic, open, and self-reliant, but they also urgently need one another at times. They trust each other won’t take advantage of their availability but know that when urgency calls, their partner will rapidly respond. Their mutual goals are to resolve and to reconnect, leaving distress behind as soon as possible.
Dealing Constructively With Control
Stay-in-love partners know that the need to feel in control at times is natural and that it offers an opportunity for learning and helping each other. Partners have confidence in their own autonomy to not react defensively or take it personally.
Parenting Each Other
As relationships mature, many begin to feel less willing to give that kind of unconditional nurturing, and might not be as available.
Stay-in-love couples understand the importance of not letting those special “sweet spots” die. They know that their partner sometimes needs to feel that guaranteed comfort and safety, and are more than willing to act as the good parent when asked.
Requests For Connection
Good partners honor the other’s feelings and thoughts, especially when trying to work through difficult emotional issues.
Stay-in-love couples don’t ignore a partner who wants to connect for any reason. Even when distracted or preoccupied, they try to understand what their partner needs, and decide together how they should handle it.
Refusing To Assign Blame
During a conflict, many blame their partner for what's wrong but find hard to look at their role in it amidst strong emotions.
Stay-in-love couples know that their partner’s views must be respected and honored, however different they are. They strive to understand and find a truth that allows for both.
Resolving Conflicts
Honest and authentic couples accept that there will be disagreement and know that, worked through successfully, it can add interest and intrigue to a relationship. They also know that unresolved repeated conflicts can threaten and ultimately damage relationships.
They focus on understanding why they disagreed and how to better handle it, instead of seeking to be right.
SIMILAR ARTICLES & IDEAS:
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Key Ideas
Unresolved conflicts
The idea that couples must communicate and resolve all of their problems is a myth. The truth is, trying to resolve a conflict can sometimes create more problems than it fixes.
Being honest
The last person you should ever have to censor yourself with is the person you love.
It’s important to make something more important in your relationship than merely making each other feel good all of the time. The feel-good stuff happens when you get the other stuff right.
Being willing to end it
Romantic sacrifice is idealized in our culture.
Sometimes the only thing that can make a relationship successful is ending it at the appropriate time, before it becomes too damaging. And the willingness to do that allows us to establish the necessary boundaries to help ourselves and our partner grow together.
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The Importance Of Commitment Signs
Correctly “reading” the signs of commitment in a potential long-term partner is crucial. When you don’t get solid information about commitment as things progress, you can miss important s...
1. What Does And What Doesn’t Signal Commitment.
- Wanting to have sex with someone.
- Wanting to have a baby with no other evidence of commitment like, say, marriage.
- Cohabitation.
- Being married.
2. Circumstances And Commitment.
For behavior to mean something about commitment, it must be behavior that the person has control over performing. If one's options are limited by the context their intentions cannot be read.
In the context of dating and mating, option constraints on you or your partner, limits the information contained in the choices you make. That means that some may routinely misinterpret the behavior of their partners as a signal of commitment when it isn’t.
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Good Relationships Take Work
Merging your own ever-shifting life, needs and wants with those of another person takes work if it is to succeed.
How much work it actually takes might ebb and flow, but expect to inve...
Your Partner’s Flaws
Loving your partner's flaws is not always realistic. Some people have habits that are slightly disgusting and impossible to "love."
Simply accepting them and learning how to shrug them off and minimize their importance is much more realistic.
Going To Bed Angry
The context might be such that you just can’t solve a problem before bed. Be realistic and settle for an agreement to never go to bed without at least deciding when to continue the discussion or argument.
Also, some people actually need to cool down before they can continue a productive discussion, so taking a break could be wise.
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