Many times, we choose a partner whose basic values are totally different than ours. It is critical that what is important to your partner matches what is important to you.Watch for signs to determine what is important to your significant other. This can prevent the tendency to walk into a bad situation.

Characteristics you want

When you see yourself as the ‘poor me’ victim, your actions will confirm a negative view of yourself.



Don’t obsess about past mistakes in life. Let go of unrealistic expectations and visions of where you ‘should be’.



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Stop having a victim attitude

<ol><li>Have a keen awareness of your thinking patterns. When you have negative thinking you need to change it to a solution.</li><li>You need to be in the business of passionately solving your problems. Try looking at the event from a different perspective.</li><li>Notice when you feel an emotion about something, and then preempt the feeling before you let it completely take over in your mind. </li></ol>

Change your thinking patterns

Remember certain ‘destructive’ traits that your former partners had and try to make a conscious effort to choose a different type. We should not only learn from the bad choices that we make but learn from the mistakes of others to avoid making them ourselves. In that way, we can move from being our own worst enemy to being our own best friend.

Learning from a damaging relationship

If you have a fear of abandonment and rejection and you are constantly ‘setting’ up scenarios that lead to your disappointment, you are the puppeteer controlling this.

You are part of the problem

<ul><li>You are controlling and rigid in the way that others should treat you and are easily disappointed. </li><li>You have issues with real intimacy. </li><li>You tell yourself internally that this relationship will never work because you inherently feel inside that you’re not good enough. </li><li>You are sure that it’s only your partner that is the one at fault.</li><li>You constantly test your partner's love for you.</li></ul>

Sabotaging behaviors

This goes back to your childhood. For example: if you’re drawn to the excitement of meeting and starting a relationship with someone who has a lack of morals, character and is untrustworthy, try to find out about how your parents’ unhealthy habits have affected your choice in partners.

Examine your history

Do you carry a fear of vulnerability, are you afraid to lose control, or does some part of you believe that you are actually unlovable? These are actually defense mechanisms that are both working at keeping you from being in a potentially happy relationship as well as trying to protect your fragile psyche.

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