Learning from a damaging relationship

Learning from a damaging relationship

Remember certain ‘destructive’ traits that your former partners had and try to make a conscious effort to choose a different type.

We should not only learn from the bad choices that we make but learn from the mistakes of others to avoid making them ourselves. In that way, we can move from being our own worst enemy to being our own best friend.

@paxtonwee50

Love & Family

MORE IDEAS FROM THE ARTICLE

Sabotaging behaviors
  • You are controlling and rigid in the way that others should treat you and are easily disappointed. 
  • You have issues with real intimacy. 
  • You tell yourself internally that this relationship will never work because you inherently feel inside that you’re not good enough. 
  • You are sure that it’s only your partner that is the one at fault.
  • You constantly test your partner's love for you.

This goes back to your childhood. 

For example: if you’re drawn to the excitement of meeting and starting a relationship with someone who has a lack of morals, character and is untrustworthy, try to find out about how your parents’ unhealthy habits have affected your choice in partners.

If you have a fear of abandonment and rejection and you are constantly ‘setting’ up scenarios that lead to your disappointment, you are the puppeteer controlling this. 

Characteristics you want

Many times, we choose a partner whose basic values are totally different than ours. It is critical that what is important to your partner matches what is important to you.

Watch for signs to determine what is important to your significant other. This can prevent the tendency to walk into a bad situation.

When you see yourself as the ‘poor me’ victim, your actions will confirm a negative view of yourself.

Don’t obsess about past mistakes in life. Let go of unrealistic expectations and visions of where you ‘should be’.

  1. Have a keen awareness of your thinking patterns. When you have negative thinking you need to change it to a solution.
  2. You need to be in the business of passionately solving your problems. Try looking at the event from a different perspective.
  3. Notice when you feel an emotion about something, and then preempt the feeling before you let it completely take over in your mind. 

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RELATED IDEAS

  • Notice self-judgments.
  • Shift your definition of your worth, from outcomes to effort. Decide that you will define your worth by the loving actions you take for yourself and others.
  • Consciously see mistakes and failure as stepping stones to success, rather than as definitions of your worth. 
  • Learn to be kind and compassionate toward your own feelings
  • Make a decision that you are willing to lose another person rather than lose yourself. 

3

IDEAS

You criticize everything they do

You find fault with every little thing they do, from the way they cook to the clothes they wear. You are impossible to please, and your partner eventually gives up trying and breaks up with you.

True Love And Mind-Reading

Your partner isn’t a mind-reader. It’s up to you to tell them exactly what you need.

Just say “It would mean a lot to me if . .. .” and fill in the blank with whatever you need to feel loved and supported.

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