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Interdependence Can Build a Lasting and Safe Relationship

Build an Interdependent Relationship

  • Know what you like and what matters to you
  • Don't be afraid to ask for what you want
  • Spend time with friends and family
  • Continue pursuing your personal goals
  • Be mindful of your values
  • Make time for hobbies and interests
  • Don't be afraid to say "no"
  • Don't keep yourself small or hidden to please others

Allowing your partner room and opportunity to do these same things will be the key to establishing a healthy, interdependent relationship.

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IDEA EXTRACTED FROM:

Interdependence Can Build a Lasting and Safe Relationship

Interdependence Can Build a Lasting and Safe Relationship

https://www.verywellmind.com/how-to-build-a-relationship-based-on-interdependence-4161249

verywellmind.com

6

Key Ideas

Interdependence

Being dependent on another person can be unhealthy. Independence, taken to an extreme, can actually get in the way of us being able to connect emotionally with others in a meaningful way. 

Interdependence suggests that partners recognize and value the importance of the emotional bond they share while maintaining a solid sense of self within the relationship dynamic. 

Codependency

A codependent person tends to rely heavily on others for their sense of self and well-being. There is an enmeshed sense of responsibility to another person to meet their needs and/or for their partner to meet all of their needs to feel okay about who they are.

Traits of a codependent relationship

  • Poor/no boundaries
  • People-pleasing behaviors
  • Reactivity
  • Unhealthy, ineffective communication
  • Manipulation
  • Difficulty with emotional intimacy
  • Controlling behaviors
  • Blaming each other
  • Low self-esteem of one or both partners
  • No personal interests or goals outside the relationship

Why Interdependence Is Healthy

Interdependence involves a balance of self and others within the relationship, recognizing that both partners are working to be present and meet each other's physical and emotional needs in appropriate and meaningful ways.

The Interdependent Relationship

  • Healthy boundaries
  • Active listening
  • Time for personal interests
  • Clear communication
  • Taking personal responsibility for behaviors
  • Creating safety for each other to be vulnerable
  • Engaging and responding to each other
  • Healthy self-esteem
  • Being open and approachable with each other

When partners feel cherished and valued, the relationship becomes a safe haven and a place where the couple can be interdependent.

Build an Interdependent Relationship

  • Know what you like and what matters to you
  • Don't be afraid to ask for what you want
  • Spend time with friends and family
  • Continue pursuing your personal goals
  • Be mindful of your values
  • Make time for hobbies and interests
  • Don't be afraid to say "no"
  • Don't keep yourself small or hidden to please others

Allowing your partner room and opportunity to do these same things will be the key to establishing a healthy, interdependent relationship.

SIMILAR ARTICLES & IDEAS:

Codependent vs Interdependent

Codependency in relationships means being overly preoccupied with your partner to the point of losing your own sense of who you are and what you need. 

Partners in an interdependent or s...

Keep Working On Yourself

The key to making your relationship more interdependent is to take stock of your life. Find purpose and meaning outside of your relationship. 

Not only will it make you happier and better as a person, but it may also improve intimacy and passion in your relationship.

Have Regular "Friend Dates"
Counting on your partner to be your person for everything can put a ton of pressure on them. 

It’s healthy to have regular time with your friends without your partner. A little time apart also creates mystique and plays into that tried but true adage that absence makes the heart grow fonder.

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Getting To The Root Of Your Reluctance

If you find it difficult to share your past experiences, ask yourself why you are reluctant to open up. Getting to the root of the reluctance is key.

Work Out Your Feelings First

Before you talk to your partner about something difficult, find the right words to express it first. Until you can verbalize it, it remains unknown to you and to your partner.

If you do not feel safe enough to talk through these issues, consider journaling, or talking with a counsellor until you are clear about how you are feeling.

Open Up In Small Steps

When you decide to open up, start by taking small steps to test the waters first.

The more you practice and see that you can do it, the easier it will get for you to open up.

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Interdependent
The healthiest way we can interact with those close to us is by being truly interdependent.

This is where two people, both strong individuals, are involved with each other, but without sacrificing t...

A balanced relationship
  1. Assess where you are right now. If there is too much neediness or you feel that your partner is way too independent and doesn't want to be with you, rebalancing how you relate is very important. 
  2. Begin looking at how you got there. Ask each other some questions like "Did this start because of an argument?" or "Is this what you really want?" and "How can we make it better for both of us?"
  3. Talk about what you are feeling and make the necessary adjustments so that both of you can feel better.
Knowledge

When forming deep, intimate relationships, we share a vast amount of personal information that we wouldn't necessarily feel comfortable sharing with others. 

We feel safe sharing ou...

Interdependence

Intimate relationships also tend to be highly interdependent, wherein each partner influences the other meaningfully, frequently, and vastly, in terms of topic and importance.

Care

While the display of care can differ from one person to the next (as a function of communication style or differing displays of affection, for instance), intimate partners tend to display genuine, selfless care for each other.

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Attachment Theory

Attachment theory is an area of psychology that describes the nature of emotional attachment between people, starting with your parents. The quality of how well you were cared for will then influen...

Secure Attachment Style
  • People with this style are comfortable showing interest and affection. 
  • They are comfortable being alone and independent.
  • They can correctly prioritize their relationships.
  • They are able to draw clear boundaries and stick with them.

50% of the population is secure attachment types.

Anxious Attachment Style
  • They are often nervous and stressed about their relationships.
  • They need constant reassurance and affection from their partners.
  • They have trouble being alone or single.
  • They are often in unhealthy or abusive relationships.
  • They have trouble trusting people.
  • Their behavior can be irrational and overly emotional.

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Codependent Couples
  • There may be an imbalance of power or one partner may have taken on responsibility for the other.
  • They’re often anxious and resentful and feel guilty and responsible for their partner...
Interdependent Couples
  • Interdependency requires two people capable of autonomy.
  • They share power equally and take responsibility for their own feelings, actions, and contributions to the relationship. 
  • They can manage their thoughts and feelings on their own and don’t have to control someone else to feel okay. 
  • They can allow for each other’s differences and honor each another’s separateness. 
  • There’s support for each other’s personal goals, but both are committed to the relationship.
Pay attention and be present

When your significant other is speaking, it is of the utmost importance to try your best to give your undivided attention.

Too much multi-tasking when conversations are important can be damag...

Be emotionally available

It is important to be emotionally available to your significant other. Share your emotions, your thoughts and feelings with your partner and be willing to hear theirs. This creates a very strong emotional bond for both.

Be supportive

As partners, you should strive to be each other’s biggest cheerleaders. 

We all need support and should be able to find it in our intimate relationships.

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Responding To Urgency

Stay-in-love couples are authentic, open, and self-reliant, but they also urgently need one another at times. They trust each other won’t take advantage of their availability but know&n...

Dealing Constructively With Control

Stay-in-love partners know that the need to feel in control at times is natural and that it offers an opportunity for learning and helping each other. Partners have confidence in their own autonomy to not react defensively or take it personally. 

Parenting Each Other

As relationships mature, many begin to feel less willing to give that kind of unconditional nurturing, and might not be as available. 

Stay-in-love couples understand the importance of not letting those special “sweet spots” die. They know that their partner sometimes needs to feel that guaranteed comfort and safety, and are more than willing to act as the good parent when asked. 

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Falling in love

To us, being loved in a relationship is perhaps the highest ideal. It gives our lives meaning and purpose. Being loved validates our sense of self-esteem and soothes our fears of loneliness.

Whom We Find Attractive

Our self-esteem, mental and emotional health, positive and negative life experiences, and family relations all influence whom we’re attracted to. 

The Ideal Stage of Romance

There is an amount of healthy idealization that helps us fall in love.

However, if we’re depressed or have low self-esteem, we’re more likely to idealize a prospective partner and overlook signs of trouble, such as unreliability or addiction, or accept disrespectful or abusive behavior. A lack of a support system or loneliness might also blind us to potential faults.

It is far better to first deal with these concerns before entering into a relationship.

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A “power imbalance” in a relationship

Power in relationships is the ability of each person in the relationship to influence each other and direct the relationship.

Being in control makes people feel good and may place the ...

Negative relationship dynamics

  • The demand-withdrawal dynamic. One partner seeks change, discussion and a resolution to issues within the relationship, while the other partner is withdrawn, and tries to avoid the issues.
  • The distancer-pursuer dynamic. One person tries to achieve a certain degree of intimacy with their partner, while the other considers this affection to be "smothering."
  • The fear-shame dynamic. The fear and insecurity of one partner would bring out the shame and avoidance in the other. 

Positive power struggle

Not all power struggles are destructive. Some types of power struggles allow growth within the relationship and encourage a deeper understanding and respect for each other.

While it is still a struggle, by the end of it, you have reached an understanding about which lines can be crossed, which not, and how much each partner is able to compromise.

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