A Vicious Circle - Deepstash
Happiness At Work

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Happiness At Work

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A Vicious Circle

What is more convoluted is that your identity becomes dependent on being accepted and validated by others but it is more powerful to withhold approval or even bully someone that you perceive is weaker. This circular power struggle continues throughout life unless you understand and use the tools that will pull you out of this game.

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53 reads

MORE IDEAS ON THIS

Labelling Other

In the error of labeling, a frequently late spouse becomes “inconsiderate.” A forgetful teenager becomes “irresponsible.” In the act of labeling, especially negative labeling, you’re overlooking the details of a given set...

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50 reads

ANTs And Relationships

Another destructive phenomenon is focusing on a spouse or partner’s negative traits. The other person usually has innumerable positive qualities that are forgotten in the face of their “flaw.” Over time the “story” we tell ourselves can become so strong it can break apart an otherwise gre...

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44 reads

10 Errors Of Thinking - The ANTs

It becomes even more complicated when you begin to understand how the human brain works and that much, if not most of our self-esteem (or lack thereof) is based on cognitive distortions. Dr. David Burns, in his bestselling book, Feeling Good, categorizes them into 10 “er...

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Why The Awareness Of The Stories Is Important

You may be unaware how much of your identity is wrapped up in creating and reinforcing these stories about who you are. So, you may spend a lot of time in an agitated state and not understand why.

But awareness of these stories is what can dissolve them. These perceived thought dist...

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Self-Esteem Is Often More Of ASafety Hazard Than A Safety Net

Self-esteem is a disaster at every conceivable level as it not only separates you from others, but you also can’t even work your way back to find out who they really are.

And what about the effects on you? You are not connected to yourself. It requires a tremendous amount of mental...

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45 reads

Labelling Ourselves

Then there are the labels we have for ourselves: You knock something over and call yourself “clumsy.” If a lover breaks up with you, then you’re “unlovable.” Rehashing these critical self-judgments in our minds turns them into deeply embedded stories. Such stories are much harder to move ...

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49 reads

These Stories Involve Judgement And Labelling

We are programmed from birth to be a certain way or not based on the opinions of our parents, siblings, teachers, peers, and society. Each input is processed by your brain to create your version of life and how to best live it. The problem is that we are living out these stories, but we a...

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These Stories Tend To Be Rough And Inflexible Self-criticisms

To better understand the story concept, consider common situations where the brain focuses on a self-perceived flaw that is not physically painful. It might be your height, weight, the shape of your body, or even an individual body part.

The brain will focus on the negative judgments that ...

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85 reads

Remember That Stories Are Versions, TalesMaybe Even Lies

You can’t fix this human need to define our reality through stories. It is at the core of human language and consciousness. But by becoming aware of their impact on you and others, maybe my they will lose their power, and you’ll be free.

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And These Stories Make Up Our Self-Esteem

These “stories” we have about ourselves that we project onto the world are the way we create our egos. One term for this is “self-esteem .” It is a deadly process that is the root cause of many bad behaviors. Humans are f...

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An Example Of An Error In Thinking

Imagine someone at work walked by you and didn’t acknowledge you. You might think they’re upset with you about a situation that occurred the day before. The error in thinking, in this case, would be “mind-reading.” You can’t read other people’s minds. It’s possible that the other person had just ...

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What We Are Is Often A Sum Of Stories

Much of one's identity or self-esteem revolves around the “stories” one creates to make sense of the world. Many people's stories involve judgment and labelling, which are cognitive distortions. They aren't real, although they seem so. Once one becomes aware of the nature of these stories, it's e...

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The Problem Is That This Can’t Work And Doesn’t Work

The unconsciousness survival response, which is the source for the sensation we call anxiety , is far more powerful than our conscious brain. The personal and societal consequences are severe. Our “

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CURATED FROM

CURATED BY

xarikleia

“An idea is something that won’t work unless you do.” - Thomas A. Edison

Much of our life energy is consumed by our efforts to define our "self.” It’s critical therefore for us to understand that our “identity” is in fact defined by our mental constructs of ourselves, most of which are created by the perceptions and reactions of others.

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