Ideas from books, articles & podcasts.
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Much of our life energy is consumed by our efforts to define our "self.” It’s critical therefore for us to understand that our “identity” is in fact defined by our mental constructs of ourselves, most of which are created by the perceptions and reactions of others.
Much of one's identity or self-esteem revolves around the “stories” one creates to make sense of the world. Many people's stories involve judgment and labelling, which are cognitive distortions. They aren't real, although they seem so. Once one becomes aware of the nature of these stories, it's e...
We are programmed from birth to be a certain way or not based on the opinions of our parents, siblings, teachers, peers, and society. Each input is processed by your brain to create your version of life and how to best live it. The problem is that we are living out these stories, but we a...
To better understand the story concept, consider common situations where the brain focuses on a self-perceived flaw that is not physically painful. It might be your height, weight, the shape of your body, or even an individual body part.
The brain will focus on the negative judgments that ...
The unconsciousness survival response, which is the source for the sensation we call anxiety , is far more powerful than our conscious brain. The personal and societal consequences are severe. Our “
It becomes even more complicated when you begin to understand how the human brain works and that much, if not most of our self-esteem (or lack thereof) is based on cognitive distortions. Dr. David Burns, in his bestselling book, Feeling Good, categorizes them into 10 “er...
Imagine someone at work walked by you and didn’t acknowledge you. You might think they’re upset with you about a situation that occurred the day before. The error in thinking, in this case, would be “mind-reading.” You can’t read other people’s minds. It’s possible that the other person had just ...
Then there are the labels we have for ourselves: You knock something over and call yourself “clumsy.” If a lover breaks up with you, then you’re “unlovable.” Rehashing these critical self-judgments in our minds turns them into deeply embedded stories. Such stories are much harder to move ...
Another destructive phenomenon is focusing on a spouse or partner’s negative traits. The other person usually has innumerable positive qualities that are forgotten in the face of their “flaw.” Over time the “story” we tell ourselves can become so strong it can break apart an otherwise gre...
You may be unaware how much of your identity is wrapped up in creating and reinforcing these stories about who you are. So, you may spend a lot of time in an agitated state and not understand why.
But awareness of these stories is what can dissolve them. These perceived thought dist...
Self-esteem is a disaster at every conceivable level as it not only separates you from others, but you also can’t even work your way back to find out who they really are.
And what about the effects on you? You are not connected to yourself. It requires a tremendous amount of mental...
You can’t fix this human need to define our reality through stories. It is at the core of human language and consciousness. But by becoming aware of their impact on you and others, maybe my they will lose their power, and you’ll be free.
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