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How do you make friends as an adult? You asked Google - here's the answer | Kate Leaver

Make yourself vulnerable

We have to put our fears aside that someone might not like us or may have too many friends already.

If you like someone you meet, ask to swap numbers and follow through with an invitation to socialize.

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How do you make friends as an adult? You asked Google - here's the answer | Kate Leaver

How do you make friends as an adult? You asked Google - here's the answer | Kate Leaver

https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2018/mar/28/how-make-friends-adult-google-autocomplete

theguardian.com

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Key Ideas

Be opportunistic

Learn to notice opportunities for potential friends. 
We let many friendship opportunities pass us by because we feel awkward or too shy. Instead of small talk, invite them for coffee and get to know them.

Make yourself vulnerable

We have to put our fears aside that someone might not like us or may have too many friends already.

If you like someone you meet, ask to swap numbers and follow through with an invitation to socialize.

Start by doing an activity together

Suggest an activity that you can do together. It will anchor your time together and give you something to focus on or talk about.

Build a little intimacy

Try to have a heartfelt chat with your new acquaintance to move them into friendship territory. Find experiences that you are comfortable to share or find a common nemesis to discuss and ask insightful questions.

When in doubt, use technology

Use social media to your advantage. Invite someone for coffee when it seems appropriate.

There are also a lot of friendship-making apps available with the express purpose of making friends.

Follow up

After you’ve seen a new friend for the first time, send them a text to say you had a lovely time. Keep some form of communication going so the connection does not run dry.

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Focus on Being Open

Don't worry about being rejected, or that you might not be fun enough.  

Be open and inviting.

Make a List

Make a list of people that you would like to get to know better.

Consider extending an invitation and see what happens.

Put It On the Calendar

Decide when you are going to ask someone to do something together.

Schedule these initial contacts to ensure that you won't keep putting it off.

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The importance of friends

Having a weak circle of friends carries the same risk as smoking 15 cigarettes a day.

Researchers suggest that the core factors in a happy life are the number of friends, the closeness of f...

Reconnect with old friends

You have probably met a large number of friends through just a handful of people. Those are your superconnectors. Rekindle those friendships and ask them if there is anyone you should meet.

Connecting to people

Don’t be interesting. Be interested.

  • Listen to people and ask them to tell you more. 
  • When they mention something you have in common, point it out.
  • Be enthusiastic and encouraging.

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A Friend Indeed
A Friend Indeed

According to a report in The Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, an acquaintance has a chance of being your friend after about 50 hours of shared activity or discussions. A frien...

Benefits of Friendships

Long-lasting, high-quality friendships lower the chance of chronic illnesses, and mortality rates. They boost one’s happiness and can also be a buffer towards anxiety, stress and even depression.

One can consider looking back and reconnect with a lost but cherished friend for emotional support or to relive the long-forgotten times.

Considering Reviving A Friendship
  • We need to ask ourselves if a certain friendship is even worth resuscitating, or if one of us has moved on to such an extent that we really don’t recognize the person any more.
  • The circumstances of growing apart also matter. If it was betrayal or a falling out, the process of getting back may require reconciliation and may not be easy.
  • People evolve due to the various life events that happen in the course of their lives, like medical issues, marriage, children or a divorce. It’s important to keep one’s guard up, as the person that one gets to meet after years might be a complete stranger in some ways.

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Be a regular

The best way to have friends is to interact with the same person regularly.

Look for activities where the same core people show up. Keep showing up yourself. 

Talk about yourself

Share some details of your life more freely so that your conversation partner doesn't have to interrogate you. If you feel uncomfortable talking too much, give yourself permission to stretch and grow.

Be the conversation starter

Most people are secretly scared of getting rejected.  Assume that people like you and act in kind.

Don't wait for them to start a conversation. Say "hello." They might be relieved you took the initiative.

The creation of an alter ego

Creating a fictional persona is a strategy that involves taking a step back from our immediate feelings to allow us to think rationally about a situation. It allows us to rein in feelings like anxi...

Changing perspective and emotion regulation

Research shows that small shifts in perspective can help people in controlling their emotions.

In an experiment, when people viewed themselves as "distanced" from a situation, they were less anxious than the group that viewed themselves as in the middle of the situation.

Thinking in the third person

Self-distancing enables people to focus on the bigger picture rather than concentrating on immediate feelings. It improves the sense of emotional regulation, self-control, and general poise.

In a study, participants were asked to practice self-distancing when faced with various kinds of food - for example, fruit instead of candy. When participants asked, "What does David want?" instead of "What do I want?" they were more likely to choose the healthier option.

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Why you need friends

Friendship helps protect the brain and body from stress, anxiety and depression. Being around trusted others, in essence, signals safety and security,

Research suggests that you only need ...

Finding friends

Friendships are always about common passions. Whatever you’re into, someone else is too. Let your passion guide you toward people. Volunteer, for example, take a new course or join a committee at your local religious center. If you like yoga, start going to classes regularly.

Once you meet a potential future friend, invite them to do something. You have to put yourself out there.

It takes time

The process takes time, and you may experience false starts. Not everyone will want to put in the effort necessary to be a good friend.

Which is reason enough to nurture the friendships you already have–even those than span many miles. Start by scheduling a weekly phone call. 

The need for close friendships

We are social beings and we need to create intimacy with other people, for the well-being of our body, mind, and heart.

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Defining closeness
Close friendships need intimacy and reciprocation to exist.
  • Intimacy means being able to be fully yourself and be seen and understood by others.
  • Reciprocation means that both people feel they are seen and understood by the other person. 

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A good manager should talk to their employees and ensure expectations are well thought out and feasible before being defined.

Stop Micromanaging

Some leaders get too deep in the details around how the actual work gets implemented, but implementation belongs to the employee.

Provide accessible and regular oversight for the work to be produced—but don’t micromanage our produce it yourself.

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