Validate your own emotions - Deepstash

Validate your own emotions

One of the hardest things about other people’s bad moods is the emotions they tend to stir up in us.

The trouble is, once we’re deep into a spiral of our own negative emotion, it’s hard to have enough mental and emotional bandwidth to navigate our own mood and that of someone else. This is why we often react to other people’s bad moods in a way that ultimately isn’t helpful to them, us, or the relationship.

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MORE IDEAS FROM How to Handle Other People's Bad Moods Like a Pro

Rather than putting yourself in someone else’s shoes, try to remember a time when you wore the same shoe.

Try to recall a time when you struggled in a similar way and with a similar set of difficult emotions and moods. It's a powerful way to appreciate someone else struggle.

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Most people struggling emotionally don’t want someone to fix their pain, they went to feel understood.

Use Reflective listening. It means that when someone tells you something, you simply reflect back to them what they said, either literally or with your own slight spin on it.

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You can’t directly control how someone feels, thus you’re not responsible for it.

A common pitfall people make when trying to deal effectively with other people’s bad moods is to overextend their responsibility to that person to include how they feel.

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Instead of viewing someone’s bad mood as a problem to be fixed, if your perspective slightly and try to see it as a puzzle.

When you shift from problem-thinking to puzzle-thinking, your mindset becomes driven by curiosity rather than morality. And it’s easier to be validating, understanding, and empathetic, which is what most people experiencing strong, painful emotions really need.

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RELATED IDEA

Anger and Aggression
  • Anger: An emotion felt when we believe we have been wronged.
  • Aggression: is an act of expression of the anger, by our words our actions. Aggression can be insults, sarcasm, shouting or physical forms like breaking things. It can also manifest itself in stress, loneliness, anxiety, guilt, or awkwardness.

When we criticize the anger, we are providing fuel to the fire, leading to further aggression on the angry person's part. If we ignore and give in, we are setting a wrong example and the person learns that it is ok and effective to be angry.

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Two relationship complaints

The two worst things in a relationship are:

  • The thought of a partner leaving.  
  • The frustration of a partner not sharing their feelings.

If people are ill-equipped to manage the anxiety when a partner doesn't want to share their feelings, they resort to crowding their partner emotionally with 'Talk to me! Tell me how you feel. Share with me.''

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Explaining Anger

Anger is characterised by an intense feeling of displeasure, ranging from frustration to rage. It includes a physiological response like increased heart rate and muscle tension, thoughts such as blame or revenge, and predictable behaviour, such as the desire to lash out.

Many people don't act out how they feel. They might want to yell or scream, but instead, they might pout, cry, or breathe deeply.

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