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Love in the Time of Individualism
Commitment
As observed in modern heterosexual relationships, the reasons to sacrifice and commit have largely faded for men.
The path to commitment in a relationship is now riddled with confusion and doubt.
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Free And Lonely
Most Americans of this generation are now more free than the earlier generations. They are free and spoilt for choice to date, marry, divorce or have casual sexual encounters.
The price of this freedom, as it turns out, may be loneliness.
Modern Dating Scene
Mark Regnerus provides some insights into the modern dating scene:
- A casual relationship is now preferred to a committed one.
- Sex is now a field for marketers to provide products and services.
- It takes considerably less time, effort and risk for one to get sexual gratification through online dating or porn.
Marriage is now an Option
Youngsters are now wary of a life-long relationship and consider it as an option.
- One-third of people who are in their twenties may never marry.
- The increase of freedom to romance has changed the definition of romance.
Gender Roles
- In the modern dating scene, men and women share different power equations than the early generations.
- Basic demand and supply are the same as before, with men being the demand, and women the supply.
- Women manage men's access to them, with men producing support, commitment, and loyalty.
Commitment
As observed in modern heterosexual relationships, the reasons to sacrifice and commit have largely faded for men.
The path to commitment in a relationship is now riddled with confusion and doubt.
App Love
- Men like to connect with maximum women, as they aren't choosy as a group.
- Women always have to be more careful and screen a lot of messages and requests.
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Humor In A relationship
A sense of humor is desirable in a relationship, as people, especially men seem more desirable if they are funny.
The humor effect is not universally the same, with short-term relationships g...
Humor During Stress
Generally, humor is a great ice-breaker and social lubricant, but if there are stressful situations in a relationship, humor actually increases the chances of a break-up or divorce.
Laughing With Your Partner
An intimate relationship requires opening up with your partner and being vulnerable, something that may feel uncomfortable to some people. Relationship satisfaction is affected if:
- Couples like to laugh at others.
- Partners like if someone laughs at one of them, or if the other partner makes fun of them.
- Partners dislike if the other makes fun of them.
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Key Ideas
Plato on love
The ancient Greek philosopher Plato argued that the highest form of love was brotherly love or platonic love.
The industrial age changed romance
For most of human history, there was no time for romance. Marriages were arranged by families and were a purely economic arrangement designed to promote the survival and prosperity of both extended families.
It wasn’t until the industrial age that things began to change. They didn't have to rely so heavily on family connections any more. Consequently, the economic and political components of marriage ceased to make sense.
"Happily ever after" ideal
The economic realities of the 19th century mixed with the idea from the Enlightenment about the pursuit of happiness. The result was the Age of Romanticism.
People became economically independent and love (or emotions) became valued in society. These ideals of love have been heavily promoted and marketed during the 20th century.
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Key Ideas
Because we idealize love, we overestimate it
We see it as a cure for all of life’s problems. And when we believe that all we need is love, we’re more likely to ignore fundamental values such as respect and commitment towards the people w...
Idealizing love=unrealistic expectations
....about what love actually is and what it can do for us. These unrealistic expectations then sabotage the very relationships we hold dear in the first place. - Mark Manson
Love doesn't equal compatibility
Falling in love with someone doesn’t necessarily mean they’re a good partner for you. Love is an emotional process; compatibility is a logical process. And the two don’t bleed into one another very well.
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