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7 Simple Ways to Deal With a Disagreement Effectively
Seek to understand
People tend to disagree when they don't understand each other. That does not mean you have to agree, just that you're open to hearing them out.
When you come to an understanding that most of us are more alike then we are different, you can begin to tolerate and accommodate--even appreciate--a different point of view
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Look beyond your own triggers
Whatever may have happened in your past, you have to find a way to get past your triggers and see that you're in a new situation with a person who doesn't mean you harm. What's triggered is usually fear and awareness of one's limitations.
Look for similarities, not differences
Look for common ground. When you concentrate on differences the space grows wider, but when you seek out what you have in common it helps bridge the gap.
Be a good listener
A good listener gives their full attention, asks for clarification when necessary, and can listen to different opinions without becoming defensive or argumentative.
The best way to listen is to be silent. That's when you can learn.
Take responsibility for your own feelings
It's easy to start making accusations, laying blame and making excuses. Be honest with yourself and take full responsibility for your own feelings, and for your interpretations that may have contributed to the breakdown.
Make a commitment
In times of intense disagreement, it's not uncommon for one or both parties to have one foot out the door. If you want to truly get to the heart of the matter, make sure the other person understands your commitment to the relationship. Even if you have an issue with the behavior, you have to keep that separate.
Use positive language
If you speak in negatives, you will hurt the person and shut them down. if you can bring positivity to what you are trying to say, it's far more likely that you'll be heard, and that the disagreement can be resolved more quickly and easily.
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The art of disagreement
Mastering the art of considerate disagreement means expressing your beliefs without shutting down the discussion or angering the other side.
For this to happen, you have to listen mor...
Ed Catmull
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Disagreement Is The New Reality
The ability to have productive disagreements is a superpower.
But disagreement or an argument usually has toxicity associated with it, with judgment, self-protection and a sense of con...
Aligning the Argument
In a disagreement, often certain crucial information isn't available or isn't clearly understood by either person. We need to ask ourselves if:
- The argument is about something that can be verified.
- If it matters to you (meaningful).
- If it is useful.
Anxiety Spikes
Anxiety spikes happen when something triggers us during an argument, usually when what that we care about feels threatened.
We need to be aware of these spikes to guide us into the emotional aspect of the argument, rather than only focusing on information.
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Key Ideas
Don’t try to fix the difficult person
Accept them exactly as they are.
Accept that they are unable to change, at least at this point in time. Unless you see real change — proof that this person is making an effort&nb...
Be present and direct
Try to avoid getting into a fight-or-flight response, which inevitably leads to becoming defensive.
- Be direct and assertive when you express yourself.
- Stay focused on how you respond.
- Know when the discussion or argument has accelerated to the point of no return. If it gets to this point, stop the interaction, and leave the conversation.
Encourage difficult people to express themselves
Let them fully state their point of view about the issue/conflict/problem without interruption. What do they feel people misunderstand about them? What do they want or expect from others?
The idea is to remain as neutral as possible. Just listening may be enough to allow someone to feel like they have the opportunity to say what’s on their mind.
4 more ideas