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7 Simple Ways to Deal With a Disagreement Effectively

Use positive language

If you speak in negatives, you will hurt the person and shut them down. if you can bring positivity to what you are trying to say, it's far more likely that you'll be heard, and that the disagreement can be resolved more quickly and easily.

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IDEA EXTRACTED FROM:

7 Simple Ways to Deal With a Disagreement Effectively

7 Simple Ways to Deal With a Disagreement Effectively

https://www.inc.com/lolly-daskal/7-simple-ways-to-deal-with-a-disagreement-effectively.html

inc.com

7

Key Ideas

Seek to understand

People tend to disagree when they don't understand each other. That does not mean you have to agree, just that you're open to hearing them out.

When you come to an understanding that most of us are more alike then we are different, you can begin to tolerate and accommodate--even appreciate--a different point of view

Look beyond your own triggers

Whatever may have happened in your past, you have to find a way to get past your triggers and see that you're in a new situation with a person who doesn't mean you harm. What's triggered is usually fear and awareness of one's limitations.

Look for similarities, not differences

Look for common ground. When you concentrate on differences the space grows wider, but when you seek out what you have in common it helps bridge the gap.

Be a good listener

A good listener gives their full attention, asks for clarification when necessary, and can listen to different opinions without becoming defensive or argumentative

The best way to listen is to be silent. That's when you can learn.

Take responsibility for your own feelings

It's easy to start making accusations, laying blame and making excuses. Be honest with yourself and take full responsibility for your own feelings, and for your interpretations that may have contributed to the breakdown.

Make a commitment

In times of intense disagreement, it's not uncommon for one or both parties to have one foot out the door. If you want to truly get to the heart of the matter, make sure the other person understands your commitment to the relationship. Even if you have an issue with the behavior, you have to keep that separate.

Use positive language

If you speak in negatives, you will hurt the person and shut them down. if you can bring positivity to what you are trying to say, it's far more likely that you'll be heard, and that the disagreement can be resolved more quickly and easily.

SIMILAR ARTICLES & IDEAS:

Disagreement is healthy

It is essential for success. It’s the hallmark of an engaged and involved team member. And it opens the way for testing and improving new ideas.

It should also be treated as a chance t...

The art of disagreement

Mastering the art of considerate disagreement means expressing your beliefs without shutting down the discussion or angering the other side.

For this to happen, you have to listen more, be willing to change your perspective on disagreement and learn to better your arguments.

Ed Catmull
Ed Catmull
“You are not your idea, and if you identify too closely with your ideas, you will take offense when they are challenged.”

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Don’t try to fix the difficult person

Accept them exactly as they are. 

Accept that they are unable to change, at least at this point in time. Unless you see real change — proof that this person is making an effort&nb...

Be present and direct

Try to avoid getting into a fight-or-flight response, which inevitably leads to becoming defensive

  • Be direct and assertive when you express yourself. 
  • Stay focused on how you respond. 
  • Know when the discussion or argument has accelerated to the point of no return. If it gets to this point, stop the interaction, and leave the conversation.
Encourage difficult people to express themselves

Let them fully state their point of view about the issue/conflict/problem without interruption. What do they feel people misunderstand about them? What do they want or expect from others? 

The idea is to remain as neutral as possible. Just listening may be enough to allow someone to feel like they have the opportunity to say what’s on their mind. 

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Interpersonal Issues

When it happens in the workplace, it can reduce productivity and make a dent in morale. 

It takes on the shape that one person, or a group of people, frustrates or hampers another person...

Types of Interpersonal Conflict
  • Policy Conflicts: disagreements about how to deal with a situation that affects both parties. 
  • Value Conflicts: they are typically pretty difficult to resolve because they are more ingrained.
  • Ego Conflicts: losing an argument, or being thought of as wrong, can actually damage a person’s self-esteem. This is like a power struggle.
What Causes Interpersonal Conflict
  • Frustration and stress
  • Misunderstandings
  • Lack of planning
  • Bad staff selection
  • Poor Communication

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Resentments Build

Timeliness is crucial for workplace apologies. Tensions can easily escalate to the point of making work unbearable for one or more partie...

Consider Legal Entanglements

In some situations, an apology can equate to an admission of guilt. If there are any concerns about the repercussions of an apology, you may want to consult with your legal department before making it.

However, if you messed up and the results are catastrophic, it's important to own the mistake and accept the consequences. If you try and shift the blame, someone else might pay, and others may lose respect for you. 

Don't Assume Fault that Isn't Yours

If you are wrongly blamed for a mistake, make your case and speak up for yourself. 

You may be tempted to cover for others, and while helping someone else out of a tough spot may seem noble, this could eventually evolve into someone using you as a doormat, or escaping responsibility for repeated mistakes.

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Leadership and conflict go hand-in-hand

Conflict in the workplace is unavoidable. While you can try and avoid conflict (bad idea), you cannot escape conflict. 

The ability to recognize conflict, understand the nature of...

Unresolved conflict

 ... often results in loss of productivity, the stifling of creativity, and the creation of barriers to cooperation and collaboration.

Leaders who don’t deal with conflict will eventually watch their good talent walk out the door in search of a healthier and safer work environment.

2 Major causes of conflict
  1. Communication: Conflict due to the lack of information, poor information, no information, or misinformation. Clear, concise, accurate, and timely communication of information will help to ease both the number and severity of conflicts.
  2. Emotions: Letting emotions drive decisions. Don't place emotional superiority ahead of achieving your mission.

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Effective communication

... is imperative for every successful business. Poor communication inevitably causes misunderstandings, confusion and conflicts that hinder productivity and professi...

Effective Communication is vital in business
  • It helps to create effective brand messaging.  It determines how your brand is perceived and also builds trust with customers.
  • Customer service relies on good communication. "60% of consumers have stopped doing business with a brand due to a poor customer service experience."  Microsoft’s 2016 Global State of Customer Service Report.
  • It enables positive team relationships.  Effective communication helps to unite teams and create a safe environment to express themselves.
  • It helps to prevent misunderstandings and conflicts. It can help to defuse a potentially explosive dispute while bad communication can set it off.

Worst Communication Mistakes
  1. Using a One-Size-Fits-All Communication Approach. Tailor the communication style to the intended audience.
  2. Speaking More and Listening Less. Listen to what is said, how it is said, and to what is not said.
  3. Assuming Instead of Asking More Questions.
  4. Using Negative Tone. Choose words carefully to eliminate negative reactions.
  5. Avoiding Difficult Conversations.

  6. Reacting, Not Responding.

  7. Not Keeping an Open Mind. Accept and respect differences, listen without judgment and consider all sides of an issue.

Verbal violations
  • Not allowing you to speak or be heard.
  • Yelling at you.
  • Saying things that are derogatory about your integrity and character.
  • Gossiping about you.
Psychological/emotional boundary violations
  • Preying upon your sense of self and self-esteem
  • Using what you’ve told them in confidence against you
  • Lying to you
  • Criticizing you
  • Manipulating you
  • Mocking you
  • Making demands of your time
  • Bullying you
  • Lording a superior attitude over you
Physical violations
  • Moving into your personal space
  • Touching you without permission
  • Being inappropriate or too familiar towards you
  • Violating your privacy
  • Damaging or destroying your personal property
  • Threatening you with physical harm

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Disagreement Is The New Reality

The ability to have productive disagreements is a superpower.

But disagreement or an argument usually has toxicity associated with it, with judgment, self-protection and a sense of con...

Aligning the Argument

In a disagreement, often certain crucial information isn't available or isn't clearly understood by either person. We need to ask ourselves if:

  • The argument is about something that can be verified.
  • If it matters to you (meaningful).
  • If it is useful.
Then we need to make sure that the other person aligns and comes on the same page.
    Anxiety Spikes

    Anxiety spikes happen when something triggers us during an argument, usually when what that we care about feels threatened.

    We need to be aware of these spikes to guide us into the emotional aspect of the argument, rather than only focusing on information.

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    Listening requires mental work
    We mistake listening as easy because it looks passive and instinctive, but in reality it’s hard work. Really listening (and not just appearing to listen) re...
    Mistakes we make in conversations
    Our general tendency is to:
    • Evaluate: We judge what someone is saying and agree or disagree.
    • Probe: We ask questions from our own frame of reference.
    • Advise: We give counsel, advice, and solutions to problems.
    • Interpret: We analyze others' motives and behaviors based on our own experiences.
    What makes a great listener
    • Asking great questions;
    • Playing attention to the nonverbal communication;
    • Forgoing taking detailed notes to pay better attention;
    • Listening with the intent to understand, not the intent to respond;
    • Making people feel heard;
    • Following up on what matters.
    Toxic People

    Toxic people spread negativity and suffocate the positive. Left unchecked, they can destroy and exhaust.

    Step away from them or make sure policies and supervision are in place to minimize the...

    Lack Of Professional Development

    Most want to grow and learn, else they feel the workplace is static and dull. Professional development for employees lets them grow in their careers and know that the organization and you are invested in their success.

    Lack Of Vision

    A clearly communicated vision sets the direction and lets people know where to focus. Without it, even the best employees are less effective, because it's hard to excel if you don't understand the big picture.

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