Here's how conflict handling would work using the "SAS" rule:
<ul>
<li>Step 1: (S)tep back -- physically. This creates space between you and your colleague and sends the signal that you're not interested in further aggression or tension.</li>
<li>Step 2: (A)sk for a second to think about the situation logically. With a pause in the communication, ask yourself two critical questions: What is the most important fact on each side of the argument?</li>
<li>Step 3: (S)hare your realization with the other person calmly. Be sure you acknowledge both sides of the argument and how your emotion was coloring your communication.</li>
</ul>

The SAS Rule To Quickly Defuse Conflict

At this point, you may be able to continue a constructive conversation that reaches a peaceful resolution. If, however, there is still tension, ask to excuse yourself so both of you can calm down and rationally think about both sides of the argument.Follow up after a few hours (or days, depending on how much time you need) to calmly discuss the issue and come to a resolution. Be prepared to listen and, as needed, make a concession or compromise.

Follow Up And Listen

You can prepare an agenda for your follow-up or craft a statement of facts or beliefs that frame your side of the argument. Both of you should do this and share it with the other to review in advance. This avoids possible inflammatory statements at the moment and forces you to think about the other person's position.Overall, it's best to defuse these situations quickly and let the other person know you have no interest in conflict, but that you'd much rather listen, share, and come to an understanding calmly. It's the only way forward -- for the issue at hand and for your relationship.

Closure

Conflict appears in many forms, but we seldom are prepared to deal with it. Fortunately, this 3-step rule defuses tense situations and facilitates constructive resolution.

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Personal Development

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Communication

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Leadership & Management

Use The "S-A-S" Rule to Quickly Defuse Conflict & End Arguments 

Think about your e-communication like cholesterol, meaning that there are two kinds of conversational tones: positive and negative.
<ul>
<li>Positive-toned communication: phrases such as “This is great,” “I really like . . . ‚” and “Thank you,” through greetings (“Dear so-and-so”) and closings (“Best wishes”), and also in emojis such as smiley faces etc.</li>
<li>Negative-toned communication: negations and other phrases like “I don’t think . . .” and “This is a problem” and the even harsher “I am not happy with . . ..”</li>
</ul>
It is the ratio of positive to negative that is really important for our e-communication.

Conversational Tones

According to researchers, three types of engagement can be measured via your words: emotional engagement, social engagement, and task engagement. 
Let’s face it: relationship building is more difficult over email than face-to-face. One key to building a relationship via e-communication is to be engaged.

The Types Of Engagement

As a second step in analyzing your own email communication, count all your pronouns—e.g., “I,” “me,” “you,” “us,” “our,” “we,” etc. Personal pronouns reflect attention to people rather than to objects or concepts.
The more personal pronouns are present, the more people are paying attention to people—themselves as well as others. First-person pronouns are interesting.

You And I

Using a lot of “I, me, mine” words can reflect a neurotic or ruminative self-focus, in natural conversation it often takes the form of hedging (e.g., “I think this might work”). But it also can reflect dominance.
According to researchers, the ideal rank order of personal-pronoun use in negotiation is first: “you,” second: “we,” third: “I,” and fourth: “they.” Your total number of pronouns is a reflection of your social engagement. Also, circle all the verbs (action words) in your email (“work,” “talk,” “meet,” “align,” etc.). These reflect task engagement.

I, Me, Myself

Examine at least three exchanges between you and another person, using these three indexes. Are you engaged? Is the other person engaged? On what dimensions: emotional, social, task?
<ul>
<li>First, do not begin messages with anything negative. Why? This creates a general gloomy tone and negativity in the other person such that everything that follows will be interpreted as negative. So begin with the positive.</li>
<li>Second, aim for at least a two-to-one ratio in your positive–negative messaging.</li>
</ul>

The Task

People behave differently when they are not face-to-face. They are more negative and, often, more presumptuous, conveying the impression that they are entitled and not easy to work with. This is a problem because excessive pride or hubris harms our ability to locate the sweet spot in any kind of negotiation. If we are unwittingly conveying negative impressions in non-face-to-face interactions, we need a wake-up call!
Excessive pride may blind us to finding sweet spots. People quickly develop impressions of our personalities on the basis of very limited information.

Putting Pride Aside

A few practical tips and tricks to help you go get what you deserve.

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Teamwork

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Money & Investments

Ask for a Raise

This excerpt from Negotiating the Sweet Spot: The Art of Leaving Nothing on the Table offers three tips for writing emails that engage and persuade.

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Marketing & Sales

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Reading & Writing

How to Negotiate via Email

A good agreement is wise and efficient and improves the relationship of both parties. The agreement should satisfy the parties' interests and should be fair and lasting.

Reaching good agreements

Positional bargaining. Negotiations often take the form of positional bargaining, where each party opens with their position on the issue. Then parties bargain from their opening positions to agree on one of the positions.  It is inefficient and often neglects the parties’ interests. It tends to harm the parties' relationship. Principled negotiation provides a better way to reach good agreements. The process of principled negotiation consists of four principles:<ol><li>Separate the people from the problem</li><li>Focus on interests, not positions</li><li>Generate options</li><li>Use objective criteria</li></ol>

Negotiation can take two forms

People tend to become attached to the position they take on an issue. They will see any response to those issues as a personal attack. Separating people from the issue allows parties to address the issue without harming their relationship. 
There are three basic types of people problems:
<ul>
<li>Perception. Most conflicts arise because of different interpretations of the facts. Both parties need to understand the other's viewpoint.</li>
<li>Emotion. Parties should tolerate emotions and not react to them.</li>
<li>Communication. Parties should listen attentively and summarise to confirm their understanding.</li>
</ul>

Separate the people from the problem

You decide upon a position, but your interests caused you to decide.Defining a problem based on your position will mean one party will "lose". But when a problem is defined on the parties underlying interests, it is often possible to find a solution that satisfies both parties. <ul><li>Identify both parties' interests regarding the issue. Ask why they hold the position and why they don't hold another position. </li><li>Then discuss and explain interests clearly while remaining open to other proposals and positions.</li></ul>

Focus on interests, not positions

There are four obstacles to creating options:
<ol>
<li>Parties may decide prematurely on an option and fail to consider alternatives.</li>
<li>Parties may want to narrow their options to find one answer.</li>
<li>The parties may assume one side should win and the other lose.</li>
<li>A party may decide the other side should find a solution.</li>
</ol>
Techniques to overcome these obstacles.
<ul>
<li>Separate the invention process from the evaluation stage.</li>
<li>Brainstorm wild and creative proposals.</li>
<li>After a variety of proposals, the groups can turn to evaluation.</li>
<li>The parties can refine and improve the proposals.</li>
</ul>

Generate creative options

When interests are directly opposed, the parties should use objective criteria to find a solution.Develop objective criteria that are legitimate and practical. Objectivity can be tested by asking both sides if they would agree to be bound by those standards. How to negotiate with objective criteria:<ul><li>Each issue should be framed as a search for objective criteria.</li><li>Ask for the reasoning behind a position.</li><li>Agree on principles first.</li><li>Reason and be willing to reconsider when there is reason to.</li><li>Don't give in to pressure or threats.</li></ul>

Use objective criteria

The weaker party can be protected against a poor agreement by developing a BATNA - the Best Alternative to a Negotiated Agreement.
The reason you negotiate is to produce something better than what you can obtain without negotiating. Without a BATNA, you will negotiate blindly. The party with the best BATNA is the more powerful party in the negotiation. 
Develop your BATNA:
<ul>
<li>Create a list of actions you will take if no agreement is reached.</li>
<li>Improve some of the most promising ideas and change them into practical alternatives.</li>
<li>Select the one alternative that seems best.</li>
</ul>

When the other party is more powerful

The other party may refuse to budge from their position, make personal attacks, and seek only to maximize their own gains. How to deal with opponents stuck in positional bargaining:<ul><li>One side can continue using the principled approach. This is often contagious.</li><li>The principled party should use "negotiation jujitsu" by refusing to respond to positional bargaining. When they assert their position, ask for reasons behind that position. If they attack your ideas, take it as constructive criticism. </li><li>When the other party remains stuck in positional bargaining, a third party should be brought in.</li></ul>

When the other party won’t use principled negotiation

Sometimes parties will use tricks to gain an advantage.
<ul>
<li>Parties may engage in deliberate deception about facts, their authority, or their intentions. Protect against this by seeking verification.</li>
<li>Psychological warfare. If the tricky party use a stressful environment, the principles should identify the problematic element and suggest a fair change. Personal attacks should be identified. Ignore threats or apply principled negotiations on the use of threats.</li>
<li>Positional pressure tactics where negotiations are structured so that only one side can make concessions. Treat it as proposals.</li>
</ul>

When the other party uses dirty tricks

A seminal book on negotiating strategy and tactics. It has step-by-step instructions for reaching agreements that benefit both parties.

The key text on problem-solving negotiation-updated and revised Getting to Yes has helped millions of people learn a better way to negotiate. One of the primary business texts of the modern era, it is based on the work of the Harvard Negotiation Project, a group that deals with all levels of negotiation and conflict resolution. Getting to Yes offers a proven, step-by-step strategy for coming to mutually acceptable agreements in every sort of conflict. Thoroughly updated and revised, it offers readers a straight- forward, universally applicable method for negotiating personal and professional disputes without getting angry-or getting taken.

Understand yourself and those around you.

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Psychology

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Problem Solving

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Books

The key text on problem-solving negotiation-updated and revised Getting to Yes has helped millions of people learn a better way to negotiate. One of the primary business texts of the modern era, it is based on the work of the Harvard Negotiation Project, a group that deals with all levels of negotiation and conflict resolution. Getting to Yes offers a proven, step-by-step strategy for coming to mutually acceptable agreements in every sort of conflict. Thoroughly updated and revised, it offers readers a straight- forward, universally applicable method for negotiating personal and professional disputes without getting angry-or getting taken.

Roger Fisher

William L. Ury

Bruce Patton

Getting to Yes

In face-to-face communications, there are three ways to complete the communication circle:<ol><li>Inquiry: You ask a question.</li><li>Responding with an answer.</li><li>Acknowledgement by saying 'thank you' or by nodding your head.</li></ol>We do something similar with texting. Someone sends a text, the other person responds and then the first sender responds with a reaction button or by sending an emoji.But emails can go back-and-forth for fear of seeming rude or unresponsive.

Different forms of completing a communication circle

There is no need to keep an email thread going on and on. It's about completing the communication circle.<ul><li>When someone answers your question, you can respond by thanking them. But nothing further is required.</li><li>You can stop responding if the person doesn't need to be thanked.</li></ul>

Know when the communication circle is closed

The need for further responses depends on the situation and your audience.<ul><li>When someone emails about moving the time of a meeting, they need confirmation that you received and read the email. </li><li>Cultural differences might inform when you stop responding.</li><li>Power differences. The CEO may end the email circle quickly, while the clerk may take longer.</li></ul>

Consider the specifics of the exchange

If you're included in an email thread with many other recipients, you don't need to reply to everyone. You can only respond to the sender unless the group needs to know your response. It is reasonable to have a sidebar conversation with only those who need to be included.

Using the reply-all button

When Can You Stop Responding To An Email Exchange?

As remote and hybrid work arrangements become the norm, the debate continues around the value of connection in person. One aspect to be fully explored is how digital communication influences people's desire to help one another.

In-person connections

Research found a clear hierarchy of communication channels: Face-to-face is the most effective, followed by any form of video or audio communication, followed by text-based communication.<ul><li>A behavioural study found that if your goal is to get a "yes", physical presence in the room is the best. 80% of respondents agreed to help with a task when asked in person, while only 48% of people asked via digital communication agreed to do the task.</li><li>A second study found that video and audio communication channels were 86% more effective than email.</li></ul>

The hierarchy of communication channels

Participants in the studies were unaware of the effects. They expected that requests via email or a video channel would be as effective as asking in person. One reason in-person requests are more effective is that they make people feel more uncomfortable to say "no".

Why in-person requests are more successful

A recent study found that people were 67% more likely to agree to in-person requests than those made over audio or video call.

Need a Favor? Research Suggests It’s Best to Ask In Person.

<ul><li>Think outside the box will allow you to be creative and to come up with novel solutions.</li><li>Connect with other people from other industries and analyze other businesses. This will help you to find new ways of thinking.</li></ul>

1. Problem-solving

<ul><li>Use "what if" scenarios to role-play different strategies.</li><li>This technique allows you to determine the best strategic direction and to protect yourself from uncertainties by having other plans.</li></ul>

2. Strategic planning

<ul><li>Analyze rationally data and situations.</li><li>Learn how to exercise good judgement.</li><li>Trust your instincts.</li><li>Keep making decisions, because that's what true leaders do.</li></ul>

3. Decision-making

<ul><li>Listen to other people whatever how much different they are.</li><li>Active listening helps you to gather insights and data (necessary before taking decisions).</li></ul>

4. Listening

<ul><li class="ql-align-justify">Prioritize your time and your ressources.</li><li class="ql-align-justify">Manage to get to your objective efficiently without getting lost.</li><li class="ql-align-justify">If you do that, you are mastering the art of logistics.</li></ul>

5. Logistics

Futurist Scott Steinberg shares the career skills to learn in 2022, and where to find free online courses to master them.

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Career

These are the 5 most valuable skills to learn in 2022, says futurist—and where to find free online courses

Self-improvement can be your focus. With the alone time that you have you can use that time to develop yourself. You can learn how to build relationships without feeling <a href="http://canwilldone.com/compliment-feel-weird/">awkward </a>doing so. You can improve your interpersonal skills. You can build coping skills for those situations that you otherwise cast aside. The possibilities are endless. Combine self-reflection to help with your self-improvement.

Use Being A Loner To Your Advantage

Loner seems so lonely, but a loner can use that to there advantage. In this post we discuss the disadvantages and advantages to being a loner.

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Health

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Mental Health

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Love & Relationships

Advantage of being a Loner

Speaking is a skill like swimming, driving or riding a bike. The only way one can be proficient in speaking English is to actually keep talking! It is said that the best method to become a good writer is to keep writing. Similarly, the ideal way to speak English or speak like a native speaker is to keep speaking with the correct accent and grammar

Speaking Accent

Motivation, Repetition and Exposure -- all three play a major role. Remember the native speakers' phrases and expressions by repeating them and using them in your day to day communication. Try to keep in touch with foreigners. Talking more to them will break the jinx and make you accustomed to their diction, modulation, intonation, and most importantly the culture and tradition.

1. Acquire The Interest And Accent

a. Recall the contextb. Retain the textc. Reproduce it in the testWe can remember the words, phrases and expressions easily based on the context. Human brain has two kinds of memory -- Short term memory (STM) and Long term memory (LTM).Let the native speakers' idioms and slang be saved in your long term memory by consistent practice. One can speak like a foreigner when the accent is imitated by observation. Contextual language learning is the best technique.

2. Retain Vocabulary Using Three Steps

Make the most of the smart phones in recording your accent, phrases and expressions. Always play back and self-remedy by comparing it with the original spoken tape. Watch the videos by native tutors. Watch English movies and songs. The rhythm, music, lyrics, words and tune can be immensely beneficial to acquire the native speakers' accent and style of interaction.

3. Make The Best Use Of Technology

Native speakers use lots of idioms and phrases in their spoken communication. Idioms do not make sense when understood literally. Some of the examples are in the blink of an eye ("very fast") or it's a piece of cake ("easy") can add a level of sophistication to your English and make you sound more like a native speaker.

4. Use Idioms

In order to sound more like a native English speaker, what you say is as important as how you say it. Improving the pace, clarity, and stress and unstress on the words of your speaking will go a long way in improving your fluency and help native speakers to better understand you. 6. Read aloud and sound like Native speakerReading aloud in English is a great way to work on the clarity of your pronunciation. If you've spent enough time listening to native speakers, try to mimic the way they talk. Allow your voice to rise and fall with the natural flow of the language.

5. Fine Tune Your Pace And Clarity

This is important to speak like the native speaker that might be in any language e.g. English, español, etc.

Here are certain tips you should follow to talk like a native English speaker.

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Learning & Education

6 tips you should follow to speak like a native speaker

"There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."

Albert Einstein — ‘There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.’

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Philosophy

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Motivation & Inspiration

“There are only two ways to live your life. One ...”

“An expert is someone who, over many years, manages to remain confident enough to keep trying and humble enough to keep learning.”

“You have no responsibility to live up to someone else's expectation of you.Spend as little time as possible chasing other people's preferences instead of your own.”

“Slowing down enables you to act in a high quality way.Kind rather than curt. Polished rather than sloppy.It's hard to be thoughtful when you're in a rush.”

Poet and novelist May Sarton  on letting go: “I think of the trees and how simply they let go, let fall the riches of a season, how without grief (it seems) they can let go and go deep into their roots for renewal and sleep… Imitate the trees. Learn to lose in order to recover, and remember that nothing stays the same for long, not even pain, psychic pain. Sit it out. Let it all pass. Let it go.”

Writer Joan Didion shares some life advice:“I'm not telling you to make the world better, because I don't think that progress is necessarily part of the package. I'm just telling you to live in it. Not just to endure it, not just to suffer it, not just to pass through it, but to live in it. To look at it. To try to get the picture. To live recklessly. To take chances. To make your own work and take pride in it. To seize the moment. And if you ask me why you should bother to do that, I could tell you that the grave's a fine and private place, but none I think do there embrace.

What is one lesson you learned (or relearned) this year?

3-2-1: Slowing down, letting go, and lessons from the year

Find 100+ Facts About Communication  - Curated from inspiring sources like Books, Podcasts & Articles - Genuine Insights from like-minded Users like You!

Use The "S-A-S" Rule to Quickly Defuse Conflict & End Arguments