As naturally as we breathe, we “decouple” from the here and now, our brains transporting us to past events, imagined scenarios, and other internal musings. This tendency is so fundamental it has a name: our “default state.” It is the activity our brain automatically reverts to when not otherwise engaged, and often even when we are otherwise engaged.

Our “Default State”

You’ve no doubt noticed your own mind wander, as if of its own volition, when you were supposed to be focusing on a task. We are perpetually slipping away from the present into the parallel, nonlinear world of our minds, involuntarily sucked back “inside” on a minute-to-minute basis. In light of this, the expression “the life of the mind” takes on new and added meaning: much of our life is the mind. So what often happens when we slip away?We talk to ourselves.And we listen to what we say.

The Life Of The Mind

Humanity has grappled with the phenomenon of the inner voice since the dawn of civilization. Early Christian mystics were thoroughly annoyed by the voice in their head always intruding on their silent contemplation. Some even considered these voices demonic. Around the same time, in the East, Chinese Buddhists theorized about the turbulent mental weather that could cloud one’s emotional landscape. They called it “deluded thought.”

Demons And Delusions?

And yet many of these very same ancient cultures believed that their inner voice was a source of wisdom, a belief that undergirds several millennia-old practices like silent prayer and meditation. The fact that multiple spiritual traditions have both feared our inner voice and noted its value speaks to the ambivalent attitudes to our internal conversations that still persist today.

Or Gods And Wisdom?

The flow of words is so inextricable from our inner lives that it persists even in the face of vocal impairments. Some people who stutter, for example, report talking more fluently in their minds than they do out loud. Deaf people who use sign language talk to themselves too, though they have their own form of inner language. It involves silently signing to themselves, similar to how people who can hear use words to talk to themselves privately.

The Inner Voice Is A Basic Feature Of The Mind

Although the inner voice functions well much of the time, it often leads to chatter—the cyclical negative thoughts and emotions that turn our singular capacity for introspection into a curse rather than a blessing. This often happens precisely when we need our inner voice the most—when our stress is up, the stakes are high, and we encounter difficult emotions that call for the utmost poise.

Chatter - A Blessing And A Curse

Sometimes this chatter takes the form of a rambling soliloquy; sometimes it’s a dialogue we have with ourselves. Sometimes it’s a compulsive rehashing of past events (rumination); sometimes it’s an angst-ridden imagining of future events (worry). Sometimes it’s a free-associative pinballing between negative feelings and ideas. Sometimes it’s a fixation on one specific unpleasant feeling or notion. However it manifests itself, when the inner voice runs amok and chatter takes the mental microphone, our mind not only torments but paralyzes us. It can also lead us to do things that sabotage us.

The Many Forms Of Chatter And Its Results

If you’ve ever silently repeated a phone number to memorize it, replayed a conversation imagining what you should have said, or verbally coached yourself through a problem or skill, then you’ve employed your inner voice. Most people rely on and benefit from theirs every day. And when they disconnect from the present, it’s often to converse with that voice or hear what it has to say—and it can have a lot to say.

But I Don’t Talk To Myself! 

But the instruments necessary for reducing chatter and harnessing our inner voice aren’t something we need to go looking for. They are readily available, waiting for us to put them to work. The key to beating chatter isn’t to stop talking to yourself. The challenge is to figure out how to do so more effectively.

The Key To Beating Chatter

In his book, Chatter: The Voice in Our Head, Why It Matters, And How To Harness It, Ethan Kross, professor of psychology and management, experimental psychologist, neuroscientist and writer, reviews the different tools that exist for helping people resolve the tension between getting caught in negative thought spirals and thinking clearly and constructively. Below are several tools that you might try out to help calm your own chatter and to provide chatter support to others.

A Book On Chatter

Imagine advising a friend. One way to think about your experience from a distanced perspective is to imagine what you would say to a friend experiencing the same problem as you. Think about the advice you’d give that person, and then apply it to yourself.

How To Calm Your Own Chatter

Reinterpret your body’s chatter response. The bodily symptoms of stress (for example, an upset stomach before, say, a date or presentation) are often themselves stressful, worsening your chatter and then getting worse from it. When this happens, remind yourself that your bodily response to stress is an adaptive evolutionary reaction that improves performance under high-stress conditions. In other words, tell yourself that your sudden rapid breathing, pounding heartbeat, and sweaty palms are there not to sabotage you but to help you respond to a challenge.

Engage in mental time travel. Another way to gain distance and broaden your perspective is to think about how you’ll feel a month, a year, or even longer from now. Remind yourself that you’ll look back on whatever is upsetting you in the future and it’ll seem much less upsetting. Doing so highlights the impermanence of your current emotional state.

Address people’s emotional and cognitive needs. When people come to others for help with their chatter, they generally have two needs they’re trying to fulfill: They’re searching for care and support, on the one hand (emotional needs), and concrete advice about how to move forward and gain closure, on the other (cognitive needs). Addressing both of these needs is vital to your ability to calm other people’s chatter. Concretely, this involves not only empathically validating what people are going through but also broadening their perspective, providing hope, and normalizing their experience.

How To Provide Chatter Support To Others

Tell your kids to pretend they’re a superhero. This strategy, popularized in the media as “the Batman effect,” is a distancing strategy that is particularly useful for children grappling with intense emotions. Ask them to pretend they’re a superhero or cartoon character they admire, and then nudge them to refer to themselves using that character’s name when they’re confronting a difficult situation. Doing so helps them distance.

Some of the most important conversations in our lives are the ones we have with ourselves. And conversations can break us as much as they can make us.

Our inner voice functions well much of the time, but it can also lead to chatter—the cyclical negative thoughts and emotions that turn introspection into a curse. Here are strategies for breaking that cycle, both in yourself and when supporting others.

Understand yourself and those around you.

psychology

Psychology

personaldevelopment

Personal Development

mentalhealth

Mental Health

communication

Communication

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Science & Nature

How to Channel Your Mind’s Inner Chatter

we are disappointed when people do not respond to our expectations, and we complain and get angry when it is a close relative like our spouse.

Why We Got Disappointed ☹️

it's easily filled with complaints, grudges, and anger towards others

Its always Easy To Complain

People deeply intimidated by other people's success and begin to copy, criticize, or even abuse to gain attention, corrupting their own heart and vision as they no longer know why you were born.

We Forget Our Own Existence

Grudge is like a constipated stomach carrying nothing more than shit for other people thinking it can harm anyone else but in truth you are the only one carrying the pressure without reason. I know its difficult but You should thank these people from heart who created troubles for you or laughed at your failires and let go any grudge so you can carry on your journey in life.

Try To Let Go Grudges

We always conclude that if we forgive a person it means we are favoring them, no it’s not! we are not favoring them for their deeds we are making our self free from the baggage of grudge.

Do Yourself A Favor And Forgive Others

Forgiveness.... the most difficult task for a human being. We do a lot of remedies, rituals and other different things to improve ourselves & our life style but sometimes what we don't want to do is the simplest remedy which is the most required and creating blockages in to our soul's progression is - forgiveness.

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Motivation & Inspiration

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Love & Relationships

Art of Forgiveness

<ul>
<li>We write to share a message. To sell a product. A service. An idea.</li>
<li>Unclear messages mean you lose the opportunity to connect</li>
<li>It means you exclude people. You piss them off. And you lose out. It could mean a lost follower. A lost sale. A lost event participant.</li>
<li>Research shows that readers only grasp about 20 percent of words on average.</li>
<li>Words are often not a priority within design and development.</li>
</ul>

Write to be read, not ignored

<ul>
<li>US federal agencies must write plainly according to the Plain Writing Act of 2010 — so the public can easily understand and use the information.</li>
<li>England’s Parliament passed a Clearer Timeshare Act in 1993 to encourage plain language for the legal profession.</li>
</ul>
Plain language isn’t a trend. Plain language isn’t just for the government. It’s for businesses who want to sell. It’s for not-for-profits who want to raise funds. It’s for bloggers who want to be found on Google.
Plain language is for everyone. In every language.

The importance of plain language

Writing in simple, clear language helps us whether we’re sighted, blind, or have a cognitive disability. When we:
<ul>
<li>Need to book a vaccination online.</li>
<li>Shop online late at night after a long day.</li>
<li>Want to buy a property and need to understand the conditions.</li>
<li>Walk around the streets looking for a new restaurant on our phones.</li>
<li>Read a video transcript or captions because the kids have the tv volume up loud.</li>
</ul>

How plain language helps everyone

<ul><li>We’ve been conditioned to write with complex words and walls of text in school.</li><li>We were encouraged to learn bigger, harder words at school. Snazzy words and long paragraphs made our essays and exam answers sound impressive.</li><li>Perhaps we’ve scored interviews with swanky applications.</li><li>We think our reports, websites, and media releases sound better with flowy, 10 line sentences.</li></ul>

Why do we find it hard to write in plain language?

You might be reading this on an iPhone. Apple products are so damn easy to use, aren’t they? But you might not realize the effort behind them.It takes more effort and time to write simply.
Yet we can all create a better experience for our readers by using plain language.

Plain language is harder to craft than most people think

The Myth most of us believe in:‘My target readers are professionals with higher education.’The Truth:<ul><li>Writing simply isn’t about education or ego.</li><li>Our readers are bombarded with content from all directions, every day. They choose to spend mental energy on some tasks.</li><li>They can’t put 100% of their energies into everything that calls for their attention every day.</li><li>Complex writing slows them.</li><li>Usability experts, Nielsen Norman Group discovered even experts prefer plain language.</li></ul>

A myth that holds us back from writing in plain language

<ul><li>It is possible to express legal concepts in plain language</li><li>Plain language saves money</li><li>Judges prefer plain language</li><li>The public prefers plain language</li></ul> Key takeaway: College-educated professionals and experts appreciate plain language.

4 great reasons to write in plain language from a lawyer

<ul><li>In Lower Literacy Users: Writing for a Broad Consumer Audience, Nielsen Norman Group recommends we write at a grade 6 level on homepages. And a grade 8 level on other web pages.</li><li>This is consistent with the W3C (World Wide Web Consortium) recommendation:</li><li>Write text for a lower secondary education level</li><li>A lower secondary level is defined by the W3C as more than 9 years of school. If the content isn’t at that level, then extra content needs to be shared at a lower reading level.</li></ul>

Tips For Writing In Plainspeak: Write at a lower secondary reading level

Have you ever read a website’s terms and conditions? A privacy policy? Or a legal document? These documents are known for being ridiculously tedious and so damn hard to understand.Don’t make me think!Usability expert Norman Nielson Group ran research on how users read on the web. Participants complained about writing that was hard to understand.

Tips For Writing In Plainspeak: Use conversational language

A great way to start writing plainly is to use simple words instead of complex words.Example of simple word replacementsInstead of:<ul><li>Prohibit: use ‘ban’</li><li>Communicate: use ‘tell us’, ‘let us know’</li><li>Demonstrate: use ‘show’</li><li>Diversity: use ‘range’</li><li>Facilitate: use ‘help’</li><li>Amendment: use ‘change’</li></ul>

Tips For Writing In Plainspeak: Choose simple words over complex words

Cutting long sentences is a simple way to improve readability. It’s easier to digest it on mobile too. Yet many people don’t bother.

Tips For Writing In Plainspeak: Cut your sentences and paragraphs

Usability expert Nielson Norman Group recommends we:<ul><li>Spell out abbreviations, initialisms, and acronyms.</li><li>Immediately include their abbreviation in the first instance.</li></ul>This is helpful for all users including people who use a screen reader.Exceptions:<ul><li>It’s ok to use abbreviations for widely used words, such as DVD</li><li>Avoid using unexplained abbreviations in navigation links</li><li>Don’t confuse your reader. Don’t make your prospect think.</li></ul>Key takeaway: Clarify acronyms that aren’t widely known.

Tips For Writing In Plainspeak: Clarify acronyms

Your readers — your prospects — are busy. They read in a range of situations. On a range of devices.They don’t have time for big words, walls of text, and acronyms they have to rack their brains to figure out.You respect their time when you use plain language. You make it easy for them to quickly digest your message. To follow you. To download your trial product. To buy from you.

Writing In Plainspeak: The Bottomline

He didn’t understand a few sentences I’d written. It was tempting to ignore that feedback and put it down to him being a plumber who’s “not great with words”. My client speaks to his customers every…

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Marketing & Sales

business

Business

How to win business and influence people: write in plain language

A successful job interview hinges on a great story. A great story takes the audience on a journey. It has a clear beginning, middle, and end.
<ul>
<li>The “before” version of you was met with a challenge that forced you to learn, grow, and ultimately do something differently.</li>
<li>You made a decision you never would have made before.</li>
<li>Sometimes you succeeded. Other times you failed. Either way, you walked away with a lesson. You survived a challenge and emerged as a more powerful version of yourself.</li>
</ul>

Tell A Story And Get Hired

We’re all human, and sometimes we don’t always slay the monster — that doesn’t mean we aren’t heroes. Telling your interviewer stories of both successes and failures will help you stand out as an emotionally intelligent and a self-aware candidate.

A Self-Aware Candidate

If you’re one of the people seeking a new work opportunity, then you’re probably prepping for a job interview (or a few).
You don't have to spend all your time memorizing facts about the company and your role. Learning as much as you can about the company you’re interviewing with is smart, but everyone does this. The interviewer knows what their company already has, and they’re looking for what you can add.

Interview Time: What Not To Do

Are you Googling “tips for a successful job interview” and reading the top articles? 
Rehearsing “your greatest strengths and weaknesses?” Yawn. Instantaneous boredom.

Don't Stay Up Late

Without the context of how you show up when it counts, you won’t impress the interviewer. 
Your impression will stay at the surface level, leaving the interviewer with no emotional reaction to compel them to take a deeper look at you.

Don't Share Facts Without Context

We’re all familiar with the most popular interview questions:<ul><li>“Can you tell me about yourself?”</li><li>“What are your greatest strengths and weaknesses?”</li><li>“Can you explain a challenge you overcame?”</li></ul>Every situational question your interviewer asks you can benefit from a great story. And understanding how to tell an authentic story about yourself in a way that leaves a permanent mark — in a way that allows your prospective employer to really see you — is the key to standing out

A Successful Interview Is A Story Well Told

A great story takes the audience on a journey. It has a clear beginning, middle, and end. 
The “before” version of you was met with a challenge that forced you to learn, grow, and ultimately do something differently (the beginning). You made a decision you never would have made before (the middle). Sometimes you succeeded. Other times you failed. Either way, you walked away with a lesson. You survived a challenging and emerged as a more powerful version of yourself (the end).

The Journey

Every one of us has faced challenges at work. Your task is to unpack some of those moments — something few of us have taken the time to do — and practice relaying them in a compelling and authentic way.Maybe you saved the day by speaking up when you saw something unjust. Maybe you salvaged a client account with a fantastic idea. Maybe you supported your coworker through a difficult day. Or maybe from time to time you’ve failed, walked away recognizing your mistakes, and are a stronger and more strategic performer as a result.

The Beginning: Choose a story that left a lasting imprint on you

When you share your story during an interview, you’re trusting your interviewer with a handful of unique details about your life and identity. That extension of trust is far more likely to be met with trust in return than a series of rehearsed responses.

The Middle: Bring the interviewer into the memory with details

Your goal in sharing your story during an interview is not to portray yourself as amazing all the time. The last thing you want to do is come off as a one-dimensional, cartoon hero. (That’s likely what every other job candidate is doing.)If you want to distinguish yourself and make a real impression, you need to display the fullness of your character. As in our original example, you can do this by choosing to balance your stories of success with a story or two of failure

The End: Don’t just be a hero — be vulnerable

Vulnerable authenticity tells your interviewer that you won’t show up to work every day pretending everything is always awesome (a false reality and untruthful in the long run). And that means that anybody who works with you won’t have to show up as one-dimensional, either. 
Suddenly, your interviewer can relax because they are talking to a human being and not the caricature of one. A successful interview is a memorable one. Vulnerability is memorable.

Vulnerability Is Memorable

An interview is easily won by telling a story, in which there is a beginning and end, with you as the hero.

Stop Googling “job interview tips” and master this skill instead.

career

Career

The Best Job Candidates Are the Best Storytellers

When someone bothers or offends you, it’s natural to say, it’s no big deal and assumes the other person had positive intent. But, often, that phrase is used to avoid conflict and is a sign that you should take action.
Though speaking up can be difficult, it’s the only way the issue will really get resolved. The best course of action is to schedule a time to talk to the offending party or pull them aside in private. Let time pass, so you’re not emotionally charged. And treat it as an opportunity to gain more information.

"It's no big deal"

When you don’t address something early on, there’s a good chance you’ll harbor negative emotional energy and become so upset that you eventually have a hard time being in the same room with person who “wronged” you, much less trusting them or feeling good about them. 
Worse, you may snap, and when you do, there’s a high likelihood you’ll say something that only makes the situation worse.

The problem

The problem may very well not be a big deal; if that’s the case, a calm conversation will take care of it. Similarly, if the person wasn’t being nefarious, simply naming the behavior that’s troubling you in respectful terms should allow the person to address it without a big blow up. 
Well-intentioned people who’ve made small mistakes are generally capable of listening without reacting negatively.

Treat “it’s no big deal” as a cue to take action

When you let things build up, you’re more likely to act in an uncontrolled fashion at an inopportune time.
So, when your colleague says something mildly upsetting in a meeting, schedule some time to talk about it or discreetly approach them about it after some time has passed. That way you give yourself a chance to detach from your initial emotional response and to carefully think about what you want to say and how you’ll say it.

Act, but don’t ambush

True inquiry is a respectful way of testing whether something actually is a big deal and is entirely consistent with the notion of assuming positive intent. For example, try saying “Can you help me understand why you’re doing that?” or “Could you share your data or reasoning on this?”
After all, if positive intent is warranted, a person’s response to genuine questions should only confirm that. If it doesn’t, then you know that continuing to assume positive intent is both a mistake and an excuse for your inaction.

True inquiry

Not everything that triggers an emotional response requires a response. But if something is really no big deal, then you probably wouldn’t use this rationalization in the first place; you’d simply address it or ignore it. 
So, learn to recognize this when it happens, and address things before they really become a bigger deal.

Emotional responses

Are you overlooking serious problems because you’re conflict averse?

The Problem with Saying “It’s No Big Deal”

Why to maintain eye contact? Maintaining eye contact makes you feel more confident and it will decrease the chance to be seen as weak

The Mystery Of Maintaining Eye Contact During A Conversation 

Did you know that the most comfortable length of maintaining eye contact is 3.6 seconds? Yes, it is seen as akward and uncomfortable to maintain eye contact too long.

How Long To Maintain Eye Contact?

After the 3.6 Seconds you can look to the side of someone’s face but NEVER look on the ground.

What To Do After The 3.6 Seconds?

education

Learning & Education

Maintain Eye Contact 

To preserve relationships in the office, we all need to be tactful when communicating how we really feel about a colleague or project.
At best, this simply results in people choosing their words carefully, so the message stays relevant and helpful to the task at hand. But at worst, we can get passive-aggressive and bury hostility and frustration under corporate phrases that give us plausible deniability.

Passive-aggressive phrases and words

“‘As I mentioned,’ or ‘per my last email,’ or ‘like I said,’ are all passive-aggressive variations of asserting yourself, correcting someone on a communication they missed or anchoring your reply on previous information.“If you find yourself using these often, perhaps it’s a sign to review your initial communication,” she added. “We expect others to read emails and understand them as we intended, in our voice and nuanced ways of communicating. The reality is that it doesn’t always translate.”

“Per my previous email ... ”

When someone loops in your boss in an email thread, it can be a passive-aggressive way to convey that they don’t trust you.“This is really a flag that they would like for your manager to stay in the loop in order to have their request prioritized or there may be a lack of trust in the relationship between the two peers,” Cummings said. “Another way to fix this is to simply ask for the request to be prioritized or ask about the person’s bandwidth or timeline to get back to you.”

“CC’ing my boss for visibility.”

Using phrases like “A lot of us think” can be an inflammatory way to hide your views behind the vague opinion of many others.“It suggests, ‘We’ve all been talking about you behind your back.’ It also is usually vague about who ‘us’ refers to, which means that the person receiving the information can’t have a real conversation with the people who supposedly think what they think,” Gallaher said. “It is far more effective and more self-accountable for each person to speak for themselves.”

“A lot of us think ... ”

These are passive-aggressive qualifiers in which the hostile tone contradicts their meaning.
When co-workers deploy these qualifiers in statements like, “Well, clearly, you know our company’s policy on this,” there is coded hostility, Howes said. “‘Why didn’t you know that? You should know better.’ That’s kind of the subtext there.”
A more tactful way to go is to point out to your co-worker, “Hey, you might not be aware,” or “Hey, not sure if you knew this."

“Obviously” or “clearly ... ”

Not only is this a condescending phrase that signals a lack of respect, it is also a common passive-aggressive one.Instead of passively saying you don’t want to offend and then doing it anyway, you could directly state, “I’m concerned what I say might upset you, so I want to know: Do I have permission to give you feedback on something?” or “I’d love for us to build trust so we can have really open dialogue with each other. What do you think?”

“No offense, but ... ”

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Reading & Writing

5 Of The Pettiest Passive-Aggressive Things People Say At Work

The turbulent ride brings an evolution in the way one perceives their environment; a blend of exhilaration, patience, and hard work, wouldn’t you agree?

Five years of a learning experience

The first year in an architecture school can be scary and yet, inspiring. The first year is about the liberty to be one’s creative selves and making friendships for a lifetime!

First Year

With the commencement of the second year begins the expectations of less conjectural designs, driving students towards an endless cycle of pulling all-nighters.

Second Year

With a new year, comes tenacious responsibilities, and insights towards technicalities in architecture. The end of this year gets stimulating because of the next big question –how to create an outstanding portfolio and going to internships in renowned firms?

Third Year

Everyone waits to thrive, live the office life and explore everything about the new place. Amongst other things, this year teaches you to manage your time graciously, and market your design and communication skills.

Fourth Year

This year brings all the nostalgia of the last four years – you work harder, fulfill your responsibilities as the senior-most batch, and enjoy a little more of your time with your friends. Everyone gets ready for a one-last final jury, and whether fully prepared or not, the architectural world becomes your oyster.

Fifth Year

Towards the end, the conviction to follow your lessons is what leads you to success.

Decisions, Mistakes & Regrets

You become your best selves when you have the heart to follow your passion because why carry the regret to not attending to it in the first place? Everything in the world is hard until you work for it, and so is the case with architecture.

It’s Never too late

problemsolving

Problem Solving

Inside the mind of an architecture student - Architecturechat

The most successful people in the world don’t sit waiting for opportunities. They go out and make opportunities for themselves. They follow their passion, they build their talents, and they chase success. You can chase success, too. You can truly enjoy your life. All it takes is the courage to get out of your head and leap head-on into your life. What is it that holds you back from leaping from the comfort zone? Is it fear? Does it just feel easier to stay put? You can’t find happiness staying put — you’re worth more than that and you should push yourself to achieve your dreams.

It's No Risk No Gain, To Prosper.

Unless one comes out of inherent fear, one cannot apply Oneself to the full to succeed or perform.

Get Out of Your Head and Leap Head on into Your Life

Conflict can be a good thing. Donald Miller compares engaging in conflict to being like having a great workout — it can hurt a bit in the moment, but it leads to a healthier future.

Engage in Conflict

Expect conflict. Know that it’s coming so it doesn’t take you by surprise.Control your emotions. A solid debate is far different than a shouting match.Affirm the person you are confronting. Presumably, this is someone you care about if you’re willing to engage, so take some time to point out good things along the way.Understand you could be wrong. I see this one as perhaps being the most important, but also the most difficult.

Four tactics that can help with conflict

This doesn’t mean you should go around stirring up drama and creating conflict, but rather you shouldn’t run away from it when it shows up. The concept isn’t dissimilar to Adam Grant’s philosophy of “not agreeing to disagree“.

Conflict can be a good thing. Donald Miller compares engaging in conflict to being like having a great workout -- it can hurt a bit in the moment, but it leads to a healthier future. This doesn't mean you should go around stirring up drama and creating conflict, but rather…

teamwork

Teamwork

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