Social anxiety: How to rewire your confidence and be a better communicator | Andrew Horn | Big Think
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Practice active listening
Listening is a vital aspect of a meaningful conversation. If you ask important questions but then fail to listen, you're not having a conversation.Ā
The easiest way to practice active listening is to ensure we are turning the conversation more than we're taking.
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Taking vs turning a conversation
Taking is when you make another conversation about yourself. Someone else says "I went to Thailand and had an amazing trip." and you say "I went to Thailand last year." That usually kills the conversation.
However, when you turn a conversation you get to say,Ā "I also went to Thailand last year. What was your favourite part?" This shows them that you heard what they said and care enough to askĀ a follow-up question.
The best conversationalists always turn the conversation three or four times to peel off the layers and get more depth out of a conversation.
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Overcoming anxiety in a social situation
When we learn to ask better questions in a conversation, we move into a metamorphic two-step.
It's about having a presence. Presence is when you're only responding and reacting to what's happening in the moment. There's no story from the past, no fear of the future.Ā
- Be aware when your undesired state of being reveals itself. "I'm worried that I won't have anything to say." You might feel nervous about being in the company of influential people.
- Then articulate the desired state of being. Focus your energy and attention on being better than you were the day before.Ā
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Comparison is the thief of joy
The American Psychological Review put out a study that found that 60 percent of all people are struggling with shyness or social anxiety.
Since the majority of people have those feelings, most people feel intimidated, they feel unworthy when they compare themselves to others. "They're so much smarter than I am" or "I'm never going to be that good."
However, if you commit yourself to progressing and getting better and smarter, you will have fulfillment.
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