Top 30 quotes of STEVEN WRIGHT famous quotes and sayings - Deepstash
Top 30 quotes of STEVEN WRIGHT famous quotes and sayings

Top 30 quotes of STEVEN WRIGHT famous quotes and sayings

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30 Steven Wright Quotes and Sayings

30 Steven Wright Quotes and Sayings

Steven Alexander Wright (born December 6, 1955) is an American stand-up comedian, actor, writer, and film producer. He is known for his distinctly lethargic voice and slow, deadpan delivery of ironic, philosophical and sometimes nonsensical jokes, paraprosdokians, non sequiturs, anti-humor, and one-liners with contrived situations.

12

164 reads

#1

#1

β€œFor my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.”

-Steven Wright

10

201 reads

#2

#2

β€œThere's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.”

-Steven Wright

10

192 reads

#3

#3

β€œI almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.”

-Steven Wright

11

189 reads

#4

#4

β€œI used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place.”

-Steven Wright

10

174 reads

#5

#5

β€œA lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.”

-Steven Wright

10

166 reads

#6

#6

β€œI put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.”

-Steven Wright

10

157 reads

#7

#7

β€œCross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.”

10

130 reads

#8

#8

β€œI think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.”

-Steven Wright

10

125 reads

#9

#9

β€œIf you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?”

-Steven Wright

10

124 reads

#10

#10

β€œAll those who believe in psychokinesis - raise my hand.”

-Steven Wright

11

137 reads

#11

#11

β€œA clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.”

-Steven Wright

11

122 reads

#12

#12

β€œI have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all the beaches of the world... perhaps you've seen it.”

-Steven Wright

10

118 reads

#13

#13

β€œI drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.”

-Steven Wright

14

111 reads

#14

#14

β€œI bought my brother some gift-wrap for Christmas. I took it to the gift wrap department and told them to wrap it, but in a different print so he would know when to stop unwrapping.”

-Steven Wright

10

85 reads

#15

#15

β€œI saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second.”

-Steven Wright

11

82 reads

#16

#16

β€œMy roommate got a pet elephant. Then it got lost. It's in the apartment somewhere.”

-Steven Wright

10

88 reads

#17

#17

β€œI had to stop driving my car for a while... the tires got dizzy.”

-Steven Wright

11

91 reads

#18

#18

β€œHow do you get off a non-stop flight?”

-Steven Wright

10

70 reads

#19

#19

β€œThere was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on the escalators.”

-Steven Wright

11

69 reads

#20

#20

β€œI bought some powdered water, but I don’t know what to add.”

-Steven Wright

10

75 reads

#21

#21

β€œIf everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.”

-Steven Wright

12

71 reads

#22

#22

β€œAlways try to be modest and be proud of it!”

-Steven Wright

11

70 reads

#23

#23

β€œI just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.”

-Steven Wright

12

71 reads

#24

#24

β€œI'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.”

-Steven Wrigh

11

67 reads

#25

#25

β€œI hate it when my leg falls asleep. I know that means it's going to be up all night.”

-Steven Wright

10

67 reads

#26

#26

β€œI put tape on the mirrors in my house so I don't accidentally walk through into another dimension.”

-Steven Wright

11

70 reads

#27

#27

β€œYou know how it is when you're reading a book and falling asleep, you're reading, reading... and all of a sudden you notice your eyes are closed? I'm like that all the time.”

-Steven Wright

10

63 reads

#28

#28

β€œWhat happens if you get scared half to death twice?”

-Steven Wright

11

72 reads

#29

#29

β€œMy dental hygienist is cute. Every time I visit, I eat a whole package of Oreo cookies while waiting in the lobby. Sometimes she has to cancel the rest of the afternoon's appointments.”

-Steven Wright

10

64 reads

#30

#30

β€œI bought a house on a one-way dead-end road. I don’t know how I got there.”

-Steven Wright

10

75 reads

IDEAS CURATED BY

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Introverted Extravert

CURATOR'S NOTE

30 Steven Wright Jokes and Sayings

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