deepstash
Beta
Deepstash brings you key ideas from the most inspiring articles like this one:
Read more efficiently
Save what inspires you
Remember anything
You can train your mind to be unhappy and you can train it to be happy.
Training your mind to look for errors and problems (as happens in careers like accounting and law) can lead you toward a pervasive pessimism that carries over into your personal life.
I discovered the tax auditors who are the most successful sometimes are the ones that for eight to 14 hours a day were looking at tax forms, looking for mistakes and errors. This makes them very good at their job, but when they started leading their teams or they went home to their spouse at night, they would be seeing all the lists of mistakes and errors that were around them. Two of them told me they came home with a list of the errors and mistakes that their wife was making.
Why are lawyers 3.6 times more likely to suffer from depression and more likely to end up divorced?
Martin Seligman, psychology professor at UPenn and author of
Pessimism is seen as a plus among lawyers, because seeing troubles as pervasive and permanent is a component of what the law profession deems prudence. A prudent perspective enables a good lawyer to see every conceivable snare and catastrophe that might occur in any transaction. The ability to anticipate the whole range of problems and betrayals that non-lawyers are blind to is highly adaptive for the practicing lawyer who can, by so doing, help his clients defend against these far-fetched eventualities. If you don’t have this prudence to begin with, law school will seek to teach it to you. Unfortunately, though, a trait that makes you good at your profession does not always make you a happy human being.
Is there a way to get your mind out of these negative loops? Yes.
Here’s how.
Three Blessings
You must teach your brain to seek out the good things in life. Research shows merely listing three things you are thankful for each day can make a big difference.
Every night for the next week, set aside ten minutes before you go to sleep. Write down three things that went well today and why they went well. You may use a journal or your computer to write about the events, but it is important that you have a physical record of what you wrote. The three things need not be earthshaking in importance (“My husband picked up my favorite ice cream for dessert on the way home from work today”), but they can be important (“My sister just gave birth to a healthy baby boy”). Next to each positive event, answer the question “Why did this happen?”
This technique has been proven
Social Comparison
People probably encourage you to not compare yourself to others. Research shows it’s not necessarily harmful — but only compare yourself
“Generally if people compare themselves to those who are worse off, they’re going to feel better,” continues Bauer, now a research associate at the Sunnybrook Health Sciences Centre and a clinical psychologist at Cognitive Behavioural Therapy Associates of Toronto. “When they compare themselves to people who are better off, it can make them feel worse.”
Tell Yourself The Right Stories
When your vision of your life story is inadequate, depression can result. Psychotherapists actually help “rewrite” that story and this process is as, if not more, effective than medication.
According to the psychologist Michele Crossley, depression frequently stems from an “incoherent story,” an “inadequate narrative account of oneself,” or “a life story gone awry.” Psychotherapy helps unhappy people set their life stories straight; it literally gives them a story they can live with. And it works.
“Retrospective judgment” means reevaluating events and putting a positive spin on them. Naturally happy people do it automatically, but it’s something you can teach yourself.
Lyubomirsky showed that happy people naturally reinterpret events so that they preserve their self-esteem.
Timothy Wilson, author of
…we prompted students to reinterpret their academic problems from a belief that they couldn’t cut it in college to the view that they simply needed to learn the ropes. The students who got this prompt—compared to a control group that didn’t—got better grades the next year and were less likely to drop out.
And when it comes to the future, be
So, to sum up:
What else can make you happier? The things proven to help are
Join 25K+ readers. Get a free weekly update via email
Related posts:
4
Key Ideas
Save all ideas
Professions like the ones in accounting and law develop a sense of pessimism in the individuals practicing them. However, being obsessed with prudence at work and continue being like this at home i...
135 SAVES
In order to be happy, you must first train your brain to perceive the good that happens to you.
One way to do this is by writing down three good experiences you live on a daily basis: appr...
139 SAVES
While comparing yourself to others might not be extremely helpful, comparing yourself to people who are in a less good position than you might actually lead to you feeling better.
So, if y...
124 SAVES
Whenever you feel like not being able to escape a state of unhappiness, try practicing the so-called retrospective judgment, which will enable you to reinterpret the events lived in order to find w...
130 SAVES
SIMILAR ARTICLES & IDEAS:
5
Key Ideas
The tendency to over-expect the probability of good things happening while negating the likelihood of anything bad happening is a common human trait.
Studies consistently ...
Pessimism, or having a bias towards a negative outcome, has a fan base too, as it seems that pessimists are immune to disappointment.
Their view of life already considers the worst possible outcome as the default one, and anything better than that can only improve it.
Losing something we already have is twice as much pain than gaining the same. This skewed feelings towards loss is known as loss aversion.
Expectations always dampen the feelings of happiness, always setting us up in advance for a dose of disappointment.
9
Key Ideas
This is a concept that suggests that we can always change our attitude and behaviour, be aware of our thoughts and stop our negative self-talk.
Learned Optimism is a positi...
Pessimism is defined as the anticipation of good or bad things to happen in the future, while optimism is generally considered the opposite. Optimism can be defined as the individual difference variable reflecting the extent of which we hold positive expectancies for the upcoming event.
The ways in which we think affects our health, well-being and success, even though the situations are the same.
4
Key Ideas
You’re not feeling so great — whether you realize it or not — and you turn to social media to make you feel better. Only one problem there: it actually makes you feel worse…
We all know that Facebook doesn’t provide a very well-rounded picture of people’s lives. It’s more like the cherry-picked perfection version.
People with FOMO have ambivalent feelings toward Facebook. It brings them up when they post about their own carefully edited version of life awesomeness, and slams them back down when they feel they have to compete with other people's lifestyle awesomeness - especially when they're feeling a little down or anxious themselves.
Looking at social media for happiness is a bad idea. You won’t find it out there. Your happiness is determined by how you allocate your attention. What you attend to drives your behavior and it determines your happiness.
Changing behavior and enhancing happiness is as much about withdrawing attention from the negative as it is about attending to the positive.