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What Jealousy Is Trying to Tell You

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/intense-emotions-and-strong-feelings/202006/what-jealousy-is-trying-tell-you

psychologytoday.com

What Jealousy Is Trying to Tell You
Experiencing the toxicity of jealousy provides a rare opportunity to learn.

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Jealousy makes us aware

Jealousy makes us aware

Although jealousy is unpleasant, it gives us information. Jealousy involves fear with worrisome thoughts of a potential loss.

Jealousy can make us feel insecure, rejected, worried, or angry. Jealousy makes us aware of an obstacle to the connection between ourselves and a loved one.

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Jealousy involves comparison

Jealousy often involves a social comparison where the other person appears more desirable.

It is a drama of shame and pride. You may employ one or more of the typical coping defensive responses, which can involve withdrawal, avoidance, attacking yourself, or attacking the other person.

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Jealousy: potential harms

  • A response to jealously is aggressive and offensive behavior. You may want to hurt the person.
  • Becoming avoidant may lead you to abuse alcohol or drugs.
  • Through withdrawal, you may hope that the person you have a relationship with will notice and re-establish your bond.
  • A perceived threat can induce anxiety that leads to insecurity.
  • Uncertainty about a relationship and the fear of shame can lead to an obsessive preoccupation with its status.
  • Your own self-perception will become amplified.

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Jealousy: an opportunity to learn

Experiencing jealousy gives you the opportunity to learn.

  • Rather than becoming hindered by our response to the emotion, we can ask ourselves some questions.
  • Do you think you lack some quality that you would like to develop?
  • Are you experiencing jealousy because you desire something more than what the relationship can provide?
  • How do you perceive yourself compared to others?

Jealousy lets us look at ourselves and consider what we want for ourselves, how we want to be treated by others, and what we are going to do about what we've learned.

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