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What Jealousy Is Trying to Tell You



What Jealousy Is Trying to Tell You
Experiencing the toxicity of jealousy provides a rare opportunity to learn.


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Jealousy makes us aware

Jealousy makes us aware

Although jealousy is unpleasant, it gives us information. Jealousy involves fear with worrisome thoughts of a potential loss.

Jealousy can make us feel insecure, rejected, worried, or angry. Jealousy makes us aware of an obstacle to the connection between ourselves and a loved one.


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Jealousy involves comparison

Jealousy often involves a social comparison where the other person appears more desirable.

It is a drama of shame and pride. You may employ one or more of the typical coping defensive responses, which can involve withdrawal, avoidance, attacking yourself, or attacking the other person.



Jealousy: potential harms

  • A response to jealously is aggressive and offensive behavior. You may want to hurt the person.
  • Becoming avoidant may lead you to abuse alcohol or drugs.
  • Through withdrawal, you may hope that the person you have a relationship with will notice and re-establish your bond.
  • A perceived threat can induce anxiety that leads to insecurity.
  • Uncertainty about a relationship and the fear of shame can lead to an obsessive preoccupation with its status.
  • Your own self-perception will become amplified.



Jealousy: an opportunity to learn

Experiencing jealousy gives you the opportunity to learn.

  • Rather than becoming hindered by our response to the emotion, we can ask ourselves some questions.
  • Do you think you lack some quality that you would like to develop?
  • Are you experiencing jealousy because you desire something more than what the relationship can provide?
  • How do you perceive yourself compared to others?

Jealousy lets us look at ourselves and consider what we want for ourselves, how we want to be treated by others, and what we are going to do about what we've learned.




Conflict mistaken for passion

Arguments and disagreements in relationships are normal, but screaming matches and every day fighting isn’t.

People who seek out conflict in their relationship for the intens...

Conflict mistaken for passion

Arguments and disagreements in relationships are normal, but screaming matches and every day fighting isn’t.

People who seek out conflict in their relationship for the intense reconciliation are often addicted to the dopamine that they get after the fight is over – which isn’t healthy for either person.

Keeping the peace

Ignoring problems in a relationship in order to avoid conflict will only mean that the problems pile up until they can no longer be ignored – and by then, it might be too hard to fix.

6 more ideas

Not Asking for Help

There are a handful of reasons we don’t ask for help, but it’s usually because we’re too proud or scared, and that’s a huge waste of time, because it keeps you from moving forward.

If you fe...

Trying to Make Bad Relationships Work

Reasons people usually use:

  • Thinking you have more in common with the person you're dating than you actually do;
  • Being in a relationship just to avoid loneliness;
  • Staying in a relationship only out of fear of losing the person.

Bad relationships cloud your judgment, prolong your unhappiness, and distract you from things that matter to you most. 

Dwelling on Your Mistakes

Learning from your mistakes is one thing. Dwelling on them wastes your time, diminishes your confidence, and keeps you from getting on with your life.

Dwelling makes you feel like a failure. When you feel like a failure, it’s easy to tell yourself there’s no point in trying, because you already suck.

FOMO “fear of missing out”

FOMO  is a form of social anxiety — a compulsive concern that one might miss an opportunity or satisfying event, often aroused by posts seen on social media websites.

An enviou...

How FOMO Forms

FOMO is not just wondering what other people think of your experiences and choices that you post on social media. 

FOMO forms when you begin to compare yourself and your experiences to others and start to actually become scared that you are missing out on something.

Face Your FOMO

One way is to swop FOMO for JOMO, the “joy of missing out.”

More and more, people are realizing that true joy that can come from not caring what other people are doing, not feeling envious and not being afraid that they’re missing out on anything.