The Secrets of Charisma: 5 Steps to Become the MVP in Every Room

I’ve told this story many times, but there was a moment in my life when I suffered from social anxiety. And the simple action of walking to school frightened me.

I felt like I didn’t know how to put one step after another and walk normally. I wasn’t sure I was standing right. And that fear didn’t help my social life.

I didn’t make many friends during high school. My colleagues hung out and met. But I was so afraid to be weird that I rarely went with them. And even when I did, I wasn’t successful.

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When I was younger, I didn’t go to a psychologist. I was afraid to make my parents spend too much money. And they didn’t have much. But if I could, I would have gladly met one.

So, if you have those problems, don’t follow my example. See a psychologist as soon as you can. It can help you immensely.

Yet, as I told you, I couldn’t. So, how did I escape from that situation?

First, I studied charisma and read books about it. I still remember reading Models by Mark Manson (affiliate link) to hook up with girls. I wouldn’t know the benefits it would have given me later. But thanks to Models, I learned two things about charisma. 

• Charisma is a magnetic attractiveness that inspires devotion in others
• And charisma is not an innate talent. On the contrary, you can learn and train it.

Now that you know those two things, let’s dive into the practice. So follow these 5 simple steps if you want to become the MVP in the room.

People often don’t know where to start to become more charismatic. And I think this is the no. 1 reason they will never succeed. But I have to say it’s pretty counterintuitive. I would have never imagined if I hadn’t read a few books about it first.

Luckily, you are in good hands.

So, what is this secret step nobody knows?

Well, I already spoiled it a bit with the title of this paragraph, didn’t I?

You have to show your weaknesses and vulnerabilities.

It seems like an absurdity. I know. But let’s seed the advantages together.

• Showing your weaknesses makes you more authentic and likable. Nobody is interested in someone who always does the right thing.
• Hiding your vulnerabilities causes stress because you don’t want anybody to know about your secret.
• The more you share your fears and failures, the more you will be comfortable with them.

I think there are two types of charismatic people in this world:

• Those who talk a lot attract people around them with their stories.
• And those who listen more and speak less but have authority when they do because they always seem to say the right thing.

I am one of the first kind. And it’s annoying how much I can speak sometimes. But, in your experiments, you may discover you are of the second type. And, sometimes, people prefer someone who knows how to be a good listener.

As a rule of thumb, you are a charismatic listener if you listen twice the time you speak.

But how can you learn to say the right thing?

That’s no secret. If you listen carefully, you only need to tell people what they said with different words.

• Ask for follow-ups and examples to allow them to express their feelings. They will find their answer and give you merit for them.
• Repeat what they just said to make them feel understood.
• And create a safe space where anything they say won’t impact your future interactions.

I promise I won’t get too technical here. But there’s a well-known effect in social science that can help you become a more loved and trusted person and, therefore, more charismatic.

You trigger the spontaneous trait transference when you talk negatively about someone. And, in this case, people will associate negativity with you. So they may start to avoid you.

Some people wrongly think gossip and negative talk can help them connect with people. But that only holds with people who already know and trust you. It’s pretty intuitive if you take the correct example.

• If one of your colleagues trash talks about someone you both know, you feel uncomfortable. You don’t know how much you can trust them, but you want to be polite. So you will maybe agree with them unwillingly and then avoid talking to them.
• On the contrary, if you know that person, you might gladly gossip together.

So, don’t use gossip and negative talk to connect with people. Use praise instead. So, they will associate you with positivity. People love interacting with positive individuals who share praises and compliments.

Sometimes, those who talk less in a big group are left apart. People even forget about them. But they may share some insights you may have never thought of. So try to involve everyone.

Be the person who keeps the group together. And they will see you as a reference member.

Also, if you interact with those who don’t talk much, you can train your social interaction skills with someone who’s not an ace in the field. And you will be more loved and appreciated by everyone.

Usually, I am the one who interacts with everyone in groups. And that brought me many advantages.

• Everyone has an excellent opinion of me and takes me as an example.
• The group gets along faster and doesn’t exclude people.
• I improved in my first interactions with new people because I always train with introverts.

Since I became a team leader at work, I never wanted my colleagues to feel lost and abandoned. So, I decided I had to become their point of reference for two things at least:

• Competence: they can ask me anything and always find a helping hand.
• Warmth: they will always find an ally in me. So if something is not working, they can tell me, and I will support them in front of our bosses.

But becoming good at both these things is tricky. You never know when you are too competent (and therefore arrogant) or too warm (and therefore weak).

The same principle applies in every group, not only in work teams.

• Competence is the fear realm and helps you build an efficient, effective, and commanding image. So, you will use it to remain in control of the situation.
• Warm is the love realm and helps you create a relatable, likable, humble, and pleasing image. And you will use it to build a deeper connection based on reciprocal trust.

But you must understand how to use both to become the MVP in the room.

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