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Why We Get Embarrassed and How to Overcome It
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Embarrassment Is a Fear Response
Embarrassment is a self-conscious emotion dictated by a disconnect between how we feel we should respond or act in public and how we actually respond or act.
We are most likely to be embarrassed when we believe we have not lived up to what society asks of us or when we are on the receiving end of undesired attention.
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Why Some People Turn Red
Our minds see embarrassment as a threat, as do our bodies.
A unique feature of the veins in your face and neck is that they are equipped to respond to social threats. Though embarrassment isn’t the only cause for our face turning red (guilt, shyness, or shame can also trigger this) it is a big part of it.
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People Can Make It Worse
- Our fear of blushing in front of others can cause us to alter our behaviors in a way that does result in poorer judgment from others. It’s not the blushing that causes people to judge us negatively but rather the way in which we modify our response. It ends up being a kind of self-fulfilling prophecy.
- When people tell you your face is turning red (even if it’s not) you will begin to turn red.
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Aim For A Healthy Perspective
Humans tend to overestimate just how negatively people will view us, we get trapped inside of our own head and lose perspective on just how little people are actually paying attention to us.
Therapy can help reestablish a more healthy perspective on just how little people are actually judging us.
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Disarming Your Embarrassment
- Talk about things that embarrass you: When you talk about embarrassing stories with friends or other people you trust, you take away the power those moments have over you.
- Blushing and embarrassment show you care: We are drawn to others who are embarrassed because we view them as people who understand when they have crossed a line or made an error.
- Refocus your attention: Our intense fear of being negatively judged by others can enhance our feelings of embarrassment and blushing response.
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Richelle E. Goodrich
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When someone is coming to you for advice, you have to listen, with intent. You are not supposed to jump into a conclusion and start dishing out advice.
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What fear of success looks like
- Fear of success usually doesn’t mean a literal fear of success. People fear the results and consequences of making lots of money, for example, not the money itself.
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Fear of success
It's a very real but often misunderstood struggle. The key thing to realize is that, in most cases, the fear is about the consequences of success, not the success itself.
This fear likely has very strong and very old origins in a person’s past.
Work through your fear of success
- Validate your fear of success by understanding its origins.
- Track your avoidance strategies related to fear of success.
- Face your fears of success (the smart way).
- Get professional help from a cognitive behavioral therapist.
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Key Ideas
Mindful Communication
Bringing awareness, or mindfulness, to the way we communicate with others has both practical and profound applications.
We can train ourselves to:
- recognize when the channel...
Label How You Feel
Each of us already has this natural communication system that feeds us information all the time. So when we close down and become defensive—for a few minutes, a few days, months or even a lifetime—we’re cutting ourselves off not only from others, but also from our natural ability to communicate.
Mindful communication trains us to become aware of when we’ve stopped using our innate communication wisdom.
Defensive Reactions Zone
When we react to fear by shutting down the channel of communication, we’ve put up a defensive barrier that divides us from the world.
Signs you’re in the red light zone:
- Our values shift to me-first. We tell ourselves that relationships are not that important.
- Closed communication patterns are controlling and mistrustful. We see others as frozen objects that have importance only if they meet our needs.
- We feel alone and emotionally hungry. Then we look to other people to rescue us from our aloneness.
- The sense of isolation that our defensive barrier triggers is subconsciously terrifying. If we are indeed isolated individuals, how do we get our supplies? How do we ward off enemies?
- Suppressing these inner fears makes us even more rigid and out of touch. We tighten our muscles and thoughts; we harden our hearts.