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In the context of poor communication, criticizing is when you knock someone down for the wrong reasons: to hurt someone, to vent your frustrations or to boost your ego.
Itâs easy enough for someone to get defensive when theyâre given constructive criticism. But when your criticism comes from a destructive place, itâs a communication killer.
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When you blame someone, you take any responsibility off of yourself and put it on them.Â
Itâs understandable that you want to express your dissatisfaction with something. But sometimes you need to express it in order to find a solution, not to point singers.
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Complaining is exhausting because it puts pressure on the other person.Â
Complaining often results in the other person feeling as if they should somehow âfixâ the problem or else just get away from the complaining.Â
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It is persistently bothering someone to do something you want them to do.Â
By definition, itâs a communication breakdown and very unproductive.
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Learn to compromise and empathize:
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When we threaten someone, we become a source of fear and control. That doesnât exactly lend itself to great communication.
Instead of threatening, open up about why your request is important. This shows you trust and respect someone enough to tell them why something matters.
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Itâs about controlling someoneâs behavior through negative reinforcement.Â
It it often used in relation to discipline. But punishment comes from a place of control and retaliation, while discipline comes from a place of trust, consistency, and improvement.
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Itâs focused on control. Often used in relation to rewards. But with a reward, youâre communicating a desirable behavior is. With bribery, you really donât care if your message gets through, you just want to control and stop a behavior in an artificial way.Â
Instead of bribery, negotiating a compromise is better for communication.Â
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