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6 Steps to Improving Emotional Intimacy with Your Partner
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Do something meaningful together
Connection-deepening activities are ones that get you focused on each other as people — and on your relationship.
Take a scenic drive to get ice cream, clean the tub together, or take a cooking class.
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Be curious
Appreciating the why of where your intimate partner is coming from is a powerful means of building empathy (without giving up your own opinion) and empathy is deeply intimate.
Making the effort to understand another person demonstrate a deep degree of caring even in the context of disagreement.
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Be available in a new way
Surprise them by agreeing to take care of a chore you usually protest/avoid; offer to accompany them on something you usually take a pass on; or surprise them with something they care about.
Surprise generosity is a huge intimacy booster.
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Make a “Nice” list
Try sitting down individually or with your partner and creating gratitude or “Nice” lists, detailing as many things as possible that you appreciate and/or enjoy about your partner.
Even if you do it on your own, it will help you refocus on points of connection that drew you to them initially and regardless of all the irritations we inevitably face in the course of intimate relationships.
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Invest in yourself
Investing in yourself, your wellness, and your personal development are an important part of your health as a couple. When you are feeling your best and in touch with how you are thinking and feeling, you can participate more fully, mindfully, and meaningfully.
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Be brave, not aggressive
Avoidance destroys intimacy. If you and your partner are mutually or individually avoiding a challenging topic that needs to be addressed, you are slowly eating away at your connection.
The vulnerability required to start a difficult conversation communicates to your partner that you are more invested in the health of the relationship than avoiding personal discomfort.
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Key Ideas
You have an eye on the exit
You avoid anything that leads to a bigger commitment. You're always wondering: "if it goes wrong, how can I extricate myself easily from this relationship?"
Because comm...
You gaslight your partner
The aim of Gaslighting is to deny the other person's reality or experiences. It is a sign that you don't really believe your partners' feelings are real.
For example, if your partner says: "I'm really upset that you canceled our date", you respond with something like: "You're not really upset, it's your fault I canceled and you're just trying to blame me for it."
You are known as a "serial dater"
You break up with partners on the slightest of issues, only to start dating another person right away and repeat the cycle.
You don't want to be seen as a "player" but you can't seem to find someone who you can commit to.
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Key Ideas
Interdependence
Being dependent on another person can be unhealthy. Independence, taken to an extreme, can actually get in the way of us being able to connect emotionally with others in a meaningful way.&nbs...
Codependency
A codependent person tends to rely heavily on others for their sense of self and well-being. There is an enmeshed sense of responsibility to another person to meet their needs and/or for their partner to meet all of their needs to feel okay about who they are.
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Key Ideas
Make small talk
You communicate a genuine interest when you inquire or listen to the small details that make up your partner’s day. It’s those insignificant moments that make up the reality of our lives.
Shared experiences
Words are not necessary for shared feelings to improve a relationship. Just doing something at the same time—riding bikes, watching a movie, or eating dessert, intensifies both pleasant and unpleasant experiences.
Listen carefully
Use a technique called “active listening” - a form of listening in which you acknowledge that you understand what is being said.