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How to Be a More Positive Person, According to Experts | Time
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Key Ideas
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Reframe or divert
The first step in approaching a negative situation with an optimistic outlook is to accept what you can’t change.
Once you’ve done that, you have 2 options: reframe ( look for an opportunity instead of ruminating on the loss ) or divert (shift your focus to something else).
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Savor the good
Noticing and savoring the pleasant moments and thinking, "Wow, this is really great "can strengthen positive emotions.
In general, we tend to dwell on the negative side and not notice the positive things we experience.
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Set reminders
Write yourself a message on a sticky note and attach it to your computer screen at work (an inspirational quote, a reminder to smile, etc).
Small reminders like these help keep positivity front and center in your life.
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Do something nice for someone else
One of the fastest, most effective ways to feel happier is to show someone kindness.
In a 2017 study by Oxford University, researchers found that performing acts of kindness for just seven days had a measurable, positive effect on well-being and positive social emotion.
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Phone a friend
Most optimists have strong, supportive relationships. The comfort of knowing you don’t have to do everything by yourself contributes to long-term happiness.
You don’t have to have a lot of them, but you have to have around you people you trust and trust you back.
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Say thanks
Thinking about what you’re grateful for can instantly improve your mood.
It works because our interpretation of events influences our emotions more than the events themselves.
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Key Ideas
First impressions
In less than one-tenth of a second of seeing someone for the first time, our brain processes information about the person’s face—which leads to quick conclusions about a new acquaintance’s quali...
Know your context
It’s important to first consider where you are trying to make a good impression—whether it’s a formal job interview or a dinner date.
Context matters. It gives you cues as to how you should dress, speak, look and behave, in a way that matches the setting you are entering to. That is a key aspects of making a good impression.
Adjust your attitude
Try not to look bored, rude or hostile.
A useful attitude is welcoming, curious and enthusiastic: smile, make eye contact long enough to notice the color of that person’s eyes, sit without crossing your arms or legs. This project a positive, open warm impression.
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Key Ideas
Manipulation
... is an emotionally unhealthy psychological strategy used by people who are incapable of asking for what they want and need in a direct way, to control someone or something t...
Common Types Manipulators
The two most common types of manipulators are bullies and “victims”.
Bullies make you feel fearful and might use aggression, threats and intimidation to control you, while “victims” engenders a feeling of guilt in their target by acting hurt when denied something.
Gaslighting
The term refers to manipulation that gets people to question themselves, their reality, memory or thoughts. Gaslighters twist what you say and make it about them, hijacking the conversation or making you feel like you’ve done something wrong when you haven’t.
Gaslighted people often feel a false sense of guilt or defensiveness, as if they failed completely or did something wrong when they didn’t.
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Procrastination
Procrastination is not just avoiding or delaying a task.
It also has to include an aspect that’s counterproductive, irrational or unnecessary.
Procrastination triggers
- People procrastinate because of a lack of value [associated with the task];
- because they expect that they’re not going to achieve the value they’re trying to achieve;
- because the value is too far from you in terms of time;
- or because you’re very impulsive as a person.
If timing is the issue
Many people are inherently more productive at certain times of the day.
Work around these natural productivity ebbs and flows when you schedule your days.