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How to Be Assertive and Stand up for Yourself the Smart Way
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Learning to be assertive
Being assertive means learning to manage your energy, plan your approach and craft your message in a way that maximizes potential for the other person, to be open to receiving and accepting it.
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Acknowledge and don't react
- Make it known you noticed that underhanded insinuation by pausing and directing your attention to it.
- Calmly state you will revisit what they said, the action they took or the decision they made at another point. And you don’t ask it as a question; you make a statement.
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Pause and reflect to gain clarity
Give yourself space to come to terms with what you experienced before being able to consider what action to take next.
Get clear on your values. It’s important that you understand within yourself first, the nature and reason behind the battle you choose to fight.
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Seek to understand first
Stepping into the other person’s perspective is not about dismissing your feelings or compromising your values and principles.
It helps you to communicate in a language the other person will understand.
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Agree to disagree
Being assertive Is about boundary setting, not winning.
Part of being assertive is stating your boundaries and illustrating very clearly (with examples) the line the other parties should not cross.
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Construct your argument well
- Choose your timing wisely
- Be prepared to have examples and stories, to give a stronger, clearer message
- Avoid placing blame
- Stick with the facts and describe the emotional and impact upon you with diplomacy.
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SIMILAR ARTICLES & IDEAS:
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Key Ideas
Being assertive
Offering value
Effective persistence should always be based on providing incremental value.
From your conversation, you may have gathered insights on something that is important to the other persons, such as family, projects, or key interests. Offer an introduction or invite them to an event of importance.
Valuing time
No one is interested in an elaborate saga. Instead, ask a short, clear question on a subject in which the other person has expertise. They'll often be glad to help.
Follow up on an agreed time. If they tell you they’ll be busy until the fall, then don’t send them another message on July 31st. Wait until autumn starts and then send a polite note.
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Emotional intelligence (EQ)
EQ is the ability to be able to recognize and regulate your own emotions, while also empathizing with others and maintaining an awareness of their reactions.
EQ can be developed with p...
Know thyself
Having a deep understanding of yourself provides you with more accurate perceptions of how you are coming across to others.
To increase your self-awareness, make an effort to reflect on your strengths, developmental opportunities, triggers, values, and the like so that you are intimately familiar with what makes you tick.
Be open to feedback and criticism
Weighing feedback can help you guard against blind spots. It can assist you in recognizing if your behaviors are having the effects you are intending.
If they aren't, you can adjust your actions or apologize accordingly (or mindfully choose not to do either).
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Defining Boundaries
The word “boundary” can leave the impression of separation.
But boundaries are actually connecting points since they provide healthy rules for navigating relationships, intimate or profess...
The benefits of boundaries
- Boundaries improve our relationships and self-esteem. They protect relationships from becoming unsafe.
- Boundaries can be flexible. It’s good to think about them occasionally and reassess them.
- Boundaries allow us to conserve our emotional energy. Without them, self-esteem and identity can be affected, and you can build resentment toward others.
- Boundaries give us space to grow and be vulnerable.
Determine your borders
Our boundaries are shaped by
- our heritage or culture
- the region we live in or come from
- whether we’re introverted, extroverted, or somewhere in between
- our life experiences
- our family dynamics