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How to Be Assertive and Stand up for Yourself the Smart Way
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Learning to be assertive
Being assertive means learning to manage your energy, plan your approach and craft your message in a way that maximizes potential for the other person, to be open to receiving and accepting it.
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Acknowledge and don't react
- Make it known you noticed that underhanded insinuation by pausing and directing your attention to it.
- Calmly state you will revisit what they said, the action they took or the decision...
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Pause and reflect to gain clarity
Give yourself space to come to terms with what you experienced before being able to consider what action to take next.
Get clear on your values. It’s important that you understand within your...
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Seek to understand first
Stepping into the other person’s perspective is not about dismissing your feelings or compromising your values and principles.
It helps you to communicate in a language the other person...
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Agree to disagree
Being assertive Is about boundary setting, not winning.
Part of being assertive is stating your boundaries and illustrating very clearly (with examples) the line the other parties should not ...
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Construct your argument well
- Choose your timing wisely
- Be prepared to have examples and stories, to give a stronger, clearer message
- Avoid placing blame
- Stick with the facts and describe the emotio...
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SIMILAR ARTICLES & IDEAS:
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Manipulation by passive and covert aggression
- Passive-aggression is an indirect way to go on the offensive. An example is when someone tries to "get you back" by resisting cooperation and giving you the "silent treatment."
- Covert-aggression is calculated and underhanded to get what they want while keeping their aggressive intentions hidden. Covert aggressive people want to do bad while looking perfectly good.
What a covert aggressive looks like
- They pretend to be innocent, ignorant, or confused when they did something awful. This tactic is to make you question your judgment.
- They don't give a straight answer to a straight question, but evade the question or change the subject when cornered.
- They lie by omission or distortion by deliberately being vague.
- They may either respond with charm and flattery, of will suddenly be angry.
- They'll play the victim and make themselves out to be the one in distress.
- They rationalize by giving a plausible excuse for engaging in inappropriate behavior, or they will downplay their behavior.
- Covert aggressives don't feel bad, but they know you do. They will send you on a guilt trip so you will lighten your accusations.
How to deal with a covert-aggressive person
- Let go of the pretense that if you play nice, they will play nice.
- Know your vulnerabilities and focus on the one thing that really needs to change: yourself. You can only control what you do.
- Set some boundaries for yourself. Be prepared for the consequences and set a support system.
- Memorize the list of tactics used by an aggressive person. Then it is easier to recognize the attack.
- If you're willing to accept an excuse, know that they will fling excuses at you until one stick.
- Stay calm and polite, and avoid sarcasm, hostility, or threats.
- Without being rude, be specific about what you expect or want from the other person. Aggressives will only participate if they can get something out of it. If they have to lose, they'll make sure you go down too. Ensure you propose win-win solutions
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Emotional Intelligence
EQ can evolve and increase with our desire to learn and grow.
Reduce Negative Emotions
... so they don't overwhelm you and affect your judgment.
In order to change the way you feel about a situation, you must first change the way you think about it.
Increased fear of rejection: “I’m applying for my dream job. I’ll be devastated if they don’t hire me.”
Decreased fear of rejection: “I’m applying for three exciting positions. If one doesn’t pan out, there are two more I’m well qualified for.”
Stay Cool and Manage Stress
How we handle stressful situations can make the difference between being assertive versus reactive, and poised versus frazzled. When under pressure, the most important thing to keep in mind is to keep our cool.
- If you feel nervous and anxious, put cold water on your face and get some fresh air.
- If you feel fearful, depressed, or discouraged, try intense aerobic exercises. Energize yourself.
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Influence is power
No matter who you are, where you work, or what your professional goals are, achieving more influence in the workplace is critical for success.
But gaining that influence, like learning a skill, takes time and effort.
Build Trust
Influence is most often and most easily carried through trust: only when a co-worker trusts you will he or she be open to your influence.
The easiest way to do that is to be honest, no matter what. State your opinions, disclose your apprehensions, and don't keep secrets.
Reliability Through Consistency
Inconsistency is the fastest way to ruin your reputation. Consistency, on the other hand, is slow but sure: if you execute your tasks effectively and on time, day after day, eventually people will come to rely on you.