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The Desire to Look Good
The basic human desire to look good gets in the way of active listening and speaking towards your audience.
It can be deflating to be with people who act like they know everything and are impossible to impress. These are behaviors of a kill-joy.
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The Need to Be Right
Compelling the other person to be wrong is a terrible trait to have and can be extremely destructive in relationships. This need usually stems from the fear of being disrespected or from the fear of being seen for who you are, a flawed person that makes mistakes and is imperfect just like everyone else.
This behavior brings forth behavior that may cause anger and resentment to arise, interruption. The interrupter doesn't listen and exerts dominance while the interrupted feels belittled.
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People Pleasing
People who are driven by pleasing people are neither honest or authentic because they may say yes to things they don't really want to do just because they do not want to disagree because of the fear of being disliked.
If you find yourself to be a people-pleaser, rethink your values and ask yourself these:
- What do I stand for?
- What is most important to me in life?
- What is not negotiable?
When you have your core values clear, you won't be easily shaken by other's opinions or needs.
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The Inclination to Fix Things
Fixers find it difficult to accept that people are allowed to be upset. They try to keep making things "all right". It is a conversation killer because sometimes people just need to express their sadness, grief, or other negative emotions.
Fixers might be this way because of their family origin where emotional expression was unacceptable. They deny the feelings that people need to feel and tend to withhold extravagant affection.
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SIMILAR ARTICLES & IDEAS:
Hoarding: A Short-Term Buzz
We like to accumulate stuff as we believe it makes us (or others) happier, though it is just a short-term feeling. Most of us do not realize the fickleness and subjectivity of the value of the hoar...
Do’s And Don’ts For Hoarders
- Don’t beat around the bush for the real reason that an object is bought: It brings joy.
- Don’t think you can get rid of everything overnight, becoming a minimalist.
- Try to follow the ‘Use It Or Lose It’ philosophy. If you don’t lose what you don’t need, you end up losing your time, money, space, relationships and opportunities.
Starting The Decluttering Process
- Start clearing out your garage, closets and other spaces in instalments, like for 15 to 20 minutes per day, five days a week.
- Try not to be too serious, or you end up having a family feud due to the chaos or disagreements over what to keep and what to let go.
- Donate as much as you can.
- Only keep those old photographs which are of people you remember by name.
The Good Stuff We Have But Don’t Use
It is very easy to accumulate stuff nowadays when online ordering is done with a few clicks and the stuff reaches our doorstep in no time. What’s has become an increasing problem is using ...
Saving Stuff For The Special Day
Whether it is a scented candle, a bottle of wine, or an expensive jacket, we tend to keep it for a special occasion.
We usually do not use something as we have unconsciously decided that it is too nice.
Not Being Enough And Not Having Enough
- Not Having Enough: Part of the mindset of hoarding the good stuff comes from the previous generations that had to stock up due to war or scarcity.
- Not Being Enough: We gather stuff to be someone we think we are not, promising ourselves that we will wear the clothing/jewellery or accessory item we are buying, someday.
The problem is someday isn’t coming to anyone, as life can change in an instant, leaving the scented candles and the special dress in the closet forever.
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Key Ideas
Adhering To Long-Term Goals
There is a strategy we can use to guide us in making better decisions and reduce discrepancies when faced with challenges. The If/Then Tactic also known as Matros's Strateg...
Applying the If/Then Tactic
When we start applying the If/Then tactic to our personal lives or even while working we can prevent succumbing to stress and easily think of responses towards different situations.
Envision yourself in different scenarios that you can think of and jot down the plans or actions to be taken so that you will feel less anxious. Example: If I am going to start eating healthy then I have to stop eating junk food.
The If/Then Tactic and Hidden Biases
People are biased whether they are conscious of it or not. Studies show that even people who deem they are not discriminatory when put in situations where they must act quickly, hidden biases can often dictate their actions and override their intentions.
When having vulnerable decision points the If/Then tactic gives us an advanced plan of action instead of making rash decisions. It helps create an impulse buffer between frustration and one's decision-making process.