Most parents believe it is a top priority to instill kindness in their children.However, in one study, nearly 80% of children surveyed said their parents taught them that personal happiness and high achievement were more important than caring for other people.

Instilling kindness

Love & Relationships

Children learn to act kindly the same way they learn anything else - with practice.
Give them daily opportunities to practice kindness, such as helping another child.

Give kids opportunities for kindness

Children need to learn to focus on individuals and truly listen to them.
They also need to learn to see the bigger picture by putting human experience in context.

Two important skills

Children will emulate their parents. Children need to see how their parents show empathy, concern, and sympathy.

Role models

Shame, anger, and jealousy can interfere with kindness. Children need to be taught how to address these feelings. 
When adults introduce ethical questions, they put issues of injustice in view and help children learn how to treat their various responsibilities to others and themselves.

Managing destructive feelings

Few parents are willing to admit that they might be part of the children's moral state. Parents need to understand what values they are instilling in their children by being aware of their own actions.

Adults should stop passing the buck

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Ask parents how important it is to instill kindness in their kids, and most will rank it high: even as their very top priority, according to Harvard researchers.
But children surveyed by the university's <a href="http://sites.gse.harvard.edu/sites/default/files/making-caring-common/files/mcc_the_children_we_mean_to_raise_4.pdf">Making Caring Common</a> (pdf) project said, overwhelmingly, that they were getting a different message. The researchers spoke with 10,000 kids at a range of middle and high schools in the US in 2013 to 2014. Nearly 80% said that their parents taught them that personal happiness and high achievement were more important than caring for other people.
But all is not lost. The study makes some recommendations for raising children that genuinely believe kindness is important:
1) Give kids opportunities to practice being kind. Children aren't born with an innate ability to act kindly, but learn it in the same way as they might pick up an instrument or a language. Daily opportunities to practice-something as simple as helping another child with homework-can make a difference.
2) Children need to learn two important skills. These will help kids build a wider "circle of concern," the researchers say. Children need to learn to "zoom in" on individuals, and truly listen to them. They also need to be able to "zoom out" to see a bigger picture-effectively, learning to put human experience in context.
3) Kids need role models. That doesn't mean being perfect parents. It means working on empathy, and demonstrating concern and sympathy so that children can be exposed to it.
4) Help children manage destructive feelings. Shame, anger, and jealousy can override the intention to be kind. Kids need to know that such feelings are normal, but can be addressed in different ways. Children are "moral philosophers," the researchers write. "When adults spark children's thinking with ethical questions they put issues of injustice on children's radar and help children learn how to weigh their various responsibilities to others and themselves."
5) Adults should stop passing the buck. Parents worry about children's moral state, the researchers note, but it's hard to find adults who admit they might be part of the problem. Adults need to interrogate the messages they're sending, and ask themselves: what values am I really instilling?
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Ask parents how important it is to instill kindness in their kids, and most will rank it high: even as their very top priority, according to Harvard researchers. But children surveyed by the university's Making Caring Common (pdf) project said, overwhelmingly, that they were getting a different message.

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Bite‑sized knowledgeto upgradeyour career

Harvard researchers have mapped the five child-rearing techniques you need to raise kind kids

Instilling kindness

Give kids opportunities for kindness

Two important skills

Role models

Managing destructive feelings

Adults should stop passing the buck

3 smart ways to use screen time

Unconditional Parenting

How to Avoid Passing Anxiety on to Your Kids

Bite‑sized knowledge
to upgrade
your career