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There Is No One Way to Live a Good Life

https://blogs.scientificamerican.com/beautiful-minds/there-is-no-one-way-to-live-a-good-life/

blogs.scientificamerican.com

There Is No One Way to Live a Good Life
I'd like to offer you two models of human development. The first is what you might call the Surrender Yourself model of development. According to this model, the lowest kind of happiness is having your basic food and health needs met. Then there is achievement-the pleasure we get from earned and recognized success.

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The 2 Models of Human Development

  • The 'Surrender Yourself' model dials up your levels of happiness as you progress from your basic needs (like food and good health) towards your achievements like recognized success, or creative expression. The pinnacle of this human development model is complete surrender.
  • The 'Fully Human' model is a more subjective way of helping you find your own path. When our most important needs like food, shelter, safety, and stability are met, followed by our need to love, belong and connect with others, we then pursue mastery.

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Self-Actualization

It implies acknowledging and respecting the sacredness and uniqueness of each kind of person. Self-Actualization also necessitates full access to information, full knowledge of the truth, and being able to choose without fear or social pressure.

The one thing left out of this theory is social psychology, as all the needs of a human being cannot be understood in isolation and social conditions are also necessary for personal growth.

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Self-Transcendence

It involves advancing a cause greater and beyond the self, experiencing a drastic shift in perspective, beyond the confines of the self through the highest level of experience.

Self-transcenders have a completely selfless value system and are leaning towards serving humanity, with an eventual goal of transcending their ego.

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Healthy Selfishness

It happens when one is indulging in self-care without any damage to others. It leads to growth, meaning, and purpose in life, including positive social relationships.

Pathological altruism, on the other hand, is trying to give or help others in ways that may cause harm to yourself or others.

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Romantic Relationships

Romantic relationships have the extraordinary potential to expand our selves. 

They create a 'role engulfment' where one's identity is based entirely on one specific role of being a good lover/partner. It is conducive to one's growth and health and eventually applies to the self, and one starts to help others selflessly.

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SIMILAR ARTICLES & IDEAS:

Abraham Maslow And The Hierarchy Of Needs

Abraham Maslow And The Hierarchy Of Needs

Abraham Maslow, the famous psychologist, had worked on a theory that linked self-actualization to spirituality and self-transcendence.

His Hierarchy Of Needs Pyra...

Ten Characteristics Of Self-Actualization

  1. Continued appreciations of the same objects, events and circumstances.
  2. Acceptance of one’s quirks and desires.
  3. Maintaining authenticity and dignity.
  4. Maintaining equanimity towards life’s inevitable ups and downs.
  5. Having a purpose in life.
  6. Pursuing the real, unadulterated truth about people and nature.
  7. A genuine desire to help mankind.
  8. Having internal peak experiences, opening new dimensions of the mind.
  9. Having a conscience.
  10. Being a creative spirit while doing any kind of action.

Self-Actualization: From Darkness To Light

Self-Actualization is an internal struggle that one must take by leaning towards stability and our higher goals while minimizing disruption from distracting thoughts and impulses (disruptive impulsivity).

One also has to look out for oneself to not fall in the dark abyss of negativity and doubt, apart from feeling directionless or meaningless.

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Abraham Maslow

“One can choose to go back toward safety or forward toward growth. Growth must be chosen again and again; fear mu..."

Abraham Maslow

Deficiency vs. Growth

Abraham Maslow argued that all needs could be grouped into two main classes: deficiency and growth.

  • Deficiency needs are motivated by a lack of satisfaction, such as the lack of food, safety, affection, belonging, or self-esteem. The higher the need, the more we change reality to satisfy the most deficient needs.
  • Growth needs have a different sort of wisdom. Instead of being driven by fears and anxieties, it is more accepting and loving. It is asking, "What choices will lead me to greater integration and wholeness?" rather than "How can I defend myself?"

Forming a faulty deficiency mindset

At a young age, when an expression of a need is disregarded as not as important as the needs of the caretaker, a child may get the message that they are not loved while they have this need.

This causes people to behave in a way they think they should feel, not how they really feel. As adults, they are always influenced by others' opinions and driven by their insecurities and fears of facing themselves.

Expectations of marriage

People are increasingly seeking self-actualization within their marriages. On top of the age-old love and cherish, the hope is that our spouse will help us grow to become a better version of our...

The cultural shift

  • Before the 1950s, there were well-defined expectations for how people should behave. Women were supposed to be nurturing, but not too assertive. Men were supposed to be assertive but not really nurturing.
  • Around the 1960s, we rebelled as a society against the norms and preferred humanistic psychology with ideas about human potential and the possibility of living a more authentic life.

Fulfillment of goals

The changing nature of our expectations of marriage has made more marriages fall short and disappoint us. But the fulfillment of a new set of goals is now within reach.

We can have a beautiful set of experiences with our spouse. We can have a particularly satisfying marriage, but we can’t do it if we’re not spending the time and the emotional energy to understand each other and help promote each other’s personal growth.