8 things we learned about love from Alain de Botton - Deepstash
8 things we learned about love from Alain de Botton

8 things we learned about love from Alain de Botton

Curated from: timeout.com

Ideas, facts & insights covering these topics:

8 ideas

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Fiction has ruined love

Fiction has ruined love

Fiction is where we learn about love, about having a crush on someone; about the magical moment that one’s eyes meet another’s across a room and how that leads to happily ever after. 

But, love isn’t an indescribable feeling – it’s a skill – and one that we have to work on

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753 reads

Love is a classroom

The Ancient Greeks had a good understanding of input vs. output in a long-term relationship. Their view was that people in relationships should alter between teacher and student, student and teacher, in an ongoing pursuit of becoming the best versions of ourselves. 

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738 reads

‘How I’m crazy’ instruction manual

Thinking we’re easy to live with is an easy mistake to make. 

We’re all broken in some way. We lack self-awareness about the many ways in which we are uniquely mad. Alain de Botton believes we should be swapping instruction manuals on the first date.

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426 reads

We want to suffer a little bit

If you’re thinking of leaving a partner, ask yourself if things are bad because it really is all their fault? If it is: leave them. If it’s not, you may be experiencing the bitterness of life alongside another person, not because of another person. 

Can you be sure that your suffering won’t come with you into the next relationship or into your singe life?

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430 reads

Don’t be yourself

You might think that your partner is a little bit of an idiot, but you are too. 

Elevate yourself to being a loveable idiot. Compatibility is an achievement, not an algorithm.

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500 reads

“They just get me” is wrong

In the dating days, it’s comforting to know you’re on the same page without having to say all that out loud to your new beau. 

The idea that relationships can be built on the need to say very little comes from the Romantics. It creates problems later on when your partner does something you don’t like, and instead of talking about it, you shut yourself in the bathroom and wait till they guess what they did wrong.

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Love is a skill

Alain de Botton suggests imagining your partner as a two-year-old. The logic is that we’ve learned to treat children with a degree of patience and understanding that we forget to use with our partners. 

Grown-ups are just big versions of babies, and sometimes we act like it.

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655 reads

Expensive weddings

Alain de Botton is all for having expensive ceremonies. 

It makes it harder for you to quit your marriage and it’s embarrassing to quit if you spent all that money. It sets the bar high for your relationship and that’s a healthy thing. 

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IDEAS CURATED BY

emil_ftw

Relationships need work. I study how to be good at it.

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