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PSYCHOLOGYTODAY

Losing Friends With Grace

Losing Friends With Grace

psychologytoday.com

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Ending friendships

Sometimes a friendship can become so painful or unhealthy that we need to end it.

But we often don't have clear guidance or formulas to make these decisions. Our negative emotions drive our thoughts and may cause us to make poor decisions and lose relationships we could have kept.

We commonly form attachment bonds with a friend. Although we don't talk about it, we do have unspoken psychological expectations when our friends become attachment figures.

The indicator of a secure attachment figure is that s/he is consistent, available, warm, and respons...

You are likely able to accept the good with the bad in your friends. You may get close to your friends but will also give them space. If you feel hurt by a friend, it won't consume you.

You will have seen enough relationships go through the ups and downs so that you know n...

You likely have a stronger need for closeness in your relationships. You desire a "best friend" and confidante. You may be overly attuned to subtle cues that you are left out.

You become very involved in a person's life, but your friends may not reciprocate when you are in...

You may have friends who complain that they are there for you, but you don't reciprocate or reach out enough. You are social but feel exhausted by the amount of emotional interaction that some of your friends need.

Try using the "consistent, available, warm, and respon...

  • Try to be honest with the person. Do it with kindness and just talk about your own emotional availability. "I realize that I'm not a good friend right now. I just don't feel very emotionally available."
  • Try to avoid "all or nothing" thinking. Frien...

Don't sit and wait for a text or phone call. Get busy in your own life. Make plans and fill your day.

If you can't stop hurting, consider whether the pain is partially an emotional memory from previous painful events that you have not dealt with.

If your friend is making it hard for you to function (won't stop calling, interferes with your work, causes damage to your other relationships, hurts you financially) and you have already spoken to this person, a hard stop may be necessary.

It is kinder to tell the person that you ...

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