While trying to get hired, moving up the organization, or impressing clients, first impressions really become the last ones. However, many people who apparently make a great first impression on a date, meeting or party complain about being ‘ghosted’.
The devil is in the details here, as there are many small cues, the little things that create a lasting impression or make the other person create a negative impression of someone.

First Impressions

Communication

First impressions are now increasingly the Google/Facebook/Instagram search results. Our Linkedin profile, for instance, is a place hundreds of would-be recruiters make snap judgements, even before meeting us.
Their own preset notions and expectations cloud their decision, and our online profiles become the place where we have to be extremely careful.

Pre-Impressions

<ol>
<li>In your LinkedIn profile, add a slightly humorous line that makes you less of a larger-than-life person and more of a vulnerable human being.</li>
<li>Your Profile Picture matters a lot, so you can conduct a test among your colleagues and acquaintances, giving them a few choices and asking for feedback.</li>
</ol>

Online Profiles: Do’s And Don’ts

A mundane, I’m Fine, Thank you! Isn’t going to be a great thing to say on a date, as it sounds superficial, artificial and robotic. A deep, interesting person will add something natural and creative to any conversation.
One can also start with a deeper question to form a real connection, like instead of asking the standard “How are you?”, one can say, “How are you, really?”

Creative, Intriguing Conversations

Typical, standard interactions put anyone to sleep. It is good to be a ‘purple cow’, and stand out from the crowd. Even while being interviewed virtually, you can say something polite that stands out from the rest of the crowd saying the same old things.
While talking to colleagues, insert a fun joke in meeting invites, or have a little contest with a small prize. Just don’t be boring!

First Impressions: Don’t Be A Bore

<ul>
<li>A great first impression isn’t made by saying stuff, or by stating facts, or by answering each question impeccably. It is made by how you make the other person feel.</li>
<li>If you are interested in what they say and listen actively, they will start to form a connection, as they will feel good talking to you, even though they are doing most of the talking.</li>
<li>One can be genuinely interested and can ask an open-ended question, but don’t start to interrogate or start to brag.</li>
</ul>

Your Likeability

Most of us know that we should not frown or keep our arms crossed on a first date (or pick our nose, for that matter), but there are other things that help in non-verbal communication on a Zoom call:
<ol>
<li>Lean forward by placing your elbow on your desk, showing that you are interested.</li>
<li>Instead of looking at the screen, you can make eye-contact virtually by looking at the camera on your laptop.</li>
<li>If looking at the camera is not intuitive, then you can stick a picture of someone who you are fond of, above the camera, and look into the eyes of that photograph.</li>
</ol>

Body Language

<img src="https://hbr.org/resources/images/article_assets/2021/01/A_Jan20_04_1023218940.jpg" width="630" height="354"><div class="caption" dir="ltr">
				Jennifer A Smith/ Getty Images
		</div><div more-caption="more" close-caption="close" dir="ltr">
		Summary.&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;
		First impressions directly impact your ability to get hired for a job, impress the leaders at your organization, move up, and even connect with potential clients or investors. A matchmaker and executive coach offers a few tips around how to make a great one:

Make sure your online profiles are on...&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;<button dir="ltr">more</button>
	</div><img src="https://hbr.org/resources/images/article_assets/2020/10/Ascend_Logo_2020_2x.png" alt="Ascend logo" width="105" height="25">Job and life advice for young professionals. See more from Ascend <a href="https://hbr.org/insight-center/ascend" dir="ltr">here</a>.You think you made a good first impression — even a great one — and then poof! Someone ghosts you. I don’t get it! I thought we had a good connection.As a professional matchmaker, I hear this lament every day. So what’s going wrong?I embarked on a research <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Have-Him-Hello-Confessions-About/dp/0307406547" dir="ltr">project</a> to find out. For 10 years, I interviewed my single clients, their former dates, and even random singles at bookstores, airport lounges, and speed dating events. More than 1,000 people shared their stories with me: stories about why they initially connected with someone but lost interest after a first date, stories about online attractions that sparked as fast as they fizzled, and stories about first impressions that almost immediately went sour.I hated what I discovered because it seemed so unfair. The truth is: People don’t wait to get to know you before passing judgment.A pesky dynamic called <a href="https://dictionary.apa.org/primacy-effects" dir="ltr">the primacy effect</a> is at fault. In psychology, the primacy effect is described as a cognitive bias in which the information we get about someone early on heavily influences how we interpret information about them later. Basically, first impressions matter — a lot. You might be surprised by how often minor comments and behaviors ruin them.In my dating research, two of the most common reasons a person wanted a first but not second date were:<UL><LI>Someone was nice, but boring.</LI><LI>Someone asked interrogation-style questions that produced facts, but not an emotional connection.</LI></UL>What do romantic relationships have to do with your professional ones? A great deal, actually. Singles aren’t the only ones jumping to fast (and usually false) labels. It’s the same at work, and the stakes are high. First impressions directly impact your ability to get hired for a job, impress the leaders at your organization, move up, and even connect with potential clients or investors. This need has surged even more as relationships have gone virtual.Through my work as an executive coach and workshop leader at companies like Google, Morgan Stanley, and the like, I have helped thousands of employees hone <a href="https://hbr.org/2017/01/how-to-boost-your-and-others-emotional-intelligence" dir="ltr">EQ skills</a> — listening, curiosity, self-awareness, empathy — crucial to making great first impressions.Whether you’re interviewing for a job, meeting your new team, or pitching your startup to a venture capitalist, here are five proactive tips to improve your first impressions at work (both virtually and IRL):<h2>Pre-impressions are the new first impressions.</h2>How often do you search Google, Facebook, LinkedIn, or Instagram before meeting someone new? ALWAYS! Spoiler alert: Everyone is checking you out online, too. The “first” impression of you isn’t when you actually make contact, it’s when someone pulls up your Internet profiles and makes snap judgments from their screen. I’ve seen thousands of singles reject a potential blind date after false assumptions they made from an Instagram page. Same thing happens in your career, especially from your LinkedIn profile.It’s known as <a href="https://dictionary.apa.org/confirmation-bias" dir="ltr">confirmation bias</a>: People see what they expect to see, and often ignore information that opposes those expectations. For example, if your LinkedIn photo looks confident and warm, and your professional experiences listed are succinct and without typos, someone will probably expect you to be likable and competent. When you finally meet face-to-face, they will look for things to confirm their initial screening. Your online presence primes someone to see you through a positive or negative lens.Do: Insert one self-deprecating line in your LinkedIn bio. <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/let-their-words-do-the-talking/201608/people-will-you-if-you-make-them-laugh" dir="ltr">Research</a> shows that people will like you if you make them laugh. For example: “Proudly voted in high school Most Likely to Break the Slurpee Machine at 7-Eleven.”Don’t: Choose your own social media profile photos. Instead, find three people who don’t know you very well and share your photo options and your first impression goals with them. Then get candid feedback and let them make the photo selection for you. Maybe that smile you thought looks friendly actually reads as an arrogant smirk to someone who doesn’t know you.<h2>“Good, thanks!” is the enemy of human connection.</h2>Every conversation opens predictably with the same generic question: “How are you?” Then we leap to answer robotically: “Good, thanks!” On first dates everywhere, there follows dull superficiality. Same goes in your office and virtual meetings.Great first impressions are about establishing an authentic, deeper connection. So don’t take “How are you?” literally. Rather, spend 30 seconds right before meeting someone new and ask yourself, “What do I want to share about myself early on that’s most important?”Do: Answer “How are you?” with something strategic like: “I’m doing great because my new trekking poles finally arrived today! I’m training to climb Kilimanjaro next summer.” Then your early conversation banter is about one of your genuine core values: accomplishing big challenges. &nbsp;Their first impression will likely be that you’re someone with fortitude and energy.Don’t: Ask superficial questions. Avoiding a “Good, thanks.” is important, but can you ask an even better opening question? Try this opener with a soft, friendly tone: “Instead of asking how you are, I want to ask you, ‘How are you really?’” Bam! Right away you signaled you want a real answer; this isn’t a shallow meet-and-greet. It will help foster a real connection.<h2 dir="ltr">Don’t Be Boring.</h2>The goal of a first impression is to be different and memorable. Marketing guru Seth Godin calls this idea a <a href="https://www.fastcompany.com/46049/praise-purple-cow" dir="ltr">Purple Cow</a>&nbsp;— a remarkable thing that stands out among the crowd. In dating, singles suffer from swipe fatigue where thousands of profiles look the same (“I like movies and travel!”), and boring text exchanges leave everyone numb (“Where are you from?”… “Dayton, how about you?”… “Miami.”… “Cool.”). Same goes with <a href="https://hbr.org/2020/04/how-to-combat-zoom-fatigue" dir="ltr">Zoom fatigue</a> at work: We suffer snooze-fest interactions all day long. If you want to stand out when meeting a new recruiter, manager, or colleague virtually, get creative and make a unique impression to jolt them from their screen trance.Do: Pick an unexpected or thoughtful <a href="https://museumhack.com/list-icebreakers-questions/" dir="ltr">virtual icebreaker</a>. If you’re being interviewed for a job, you could ask, “I’m curious to hear the story about that object behind your chair,” or “If you could be anywhere else today besides interviewing me, where would you be?” If you’re scheduling a meeting with new team members, maybe insert a fun note into your calendar invite (“Bring your best joke: I’ve got prizes!”). If you’re pitching to a potential investor, you could play a high energy song when entering the Zoom room (think: “I Gotta Feeling” or “Eye of the Tiger”).Don’t: Be boring!<h2>Boost your L-Factor.</h2>Throughout exit interviews in my dating research, your L-Factor (likability) was high when you demonstrated interest in your conversation partner. My #1 dating tip for singles? Be more interested than interesting. People mistakenly think, in both dating and work, they have to impress someone early by trying to sound interesting and establish their credentials.<a href="https://hbr.org/2018/05/the-surprising-power-of-questions.html" dir="ltr">Research</a> shows that expressing curiosity by asking thoughtful questions (without interrogating) creates connection and emotional bonding, which makes the other person like you. Remember this: A great first impression ultimately is not factual (what you say), it’s emotional (how the other person feels).Do: Express curiosity by asking open-ended questions (“That sounds fascinating, tell me more?”).Don’t: Interrogate (“What’s your job title?”) or humblebrag (“When I was at Harvard, it was SO stressful, but looking back I’m grateful.”).<h2>Pay attention to what every *body* says:</h2>Dating <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Have-Him-Hello-Confessions-About/dp/0307406547/" dir="ltr">research</a> underscores the importance of body language for both virtual dates and business meetings. Most people know a few basic nonverbal cues that create a positive first impression (smile, keep your arms uncrossed, etc.), but here are two tactics you may not be practicing yet in virtual settings:&nbsp;Do: Place your elbow on your desk and lean forward toward the screen while resting your chin on the heel of your closed hand. This signals, “I’m interested in what you’re saying,” and makes someone feel good about you.Don’t: Look at someone on your screen when you’re talking. You must look directly into the camera hole on your computer rim to make eye contact. Awkward? Yup! Try this hack: Find a favorite photo of someone who makes you happy (perhaps a college friend or your adorable grandpa) and tape it directly above the camera hole on your computer. Then look at the eyes in the photo to simulate looking into the virtual eyes of your conversation partner. Bonus: You’ll end up projecting a warm vibe because looking at that photo genuinely makes you happy.First impressions in dating and work have many similar ingredients, but the most empowering takeaway might be that creating a positive first impression is a skill you can improve, not an arbitrary fate.<UL><LI><author-avatar data-url="" data-author-name="Rachel Greenwald" data-js-target="author-avatar">
					RG
				</author-avatar><div dir="ltr">
					
						<a href="https://hbr.org/search?term=rachel%20greenwald&amp;search_type=search-all" dir="ltr">Rachel Greenwald</a> is an Executive Fellow at Harvard Business School and an&nbsp;<a href="https://www.linkedin.com/in/rachelgreenwald/" dir="ltr">expert</a> on building successful relationships in both love and work. As CEO and founder of <a href="https://rachelgreenwald.com/" dir="ltr">Elevated Connections, LLC</a>, she uses tactics she honed throughout twenty years as a matchmaker to help singles find love and help business leaders improve their professional relationships, deepen connections among virtual teams, and elevate their EQ skills. She is the New York Times bestselling author of <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Have-Him-Hello-Confessions-About/dp/0307406547/" dir="ltr">Have Him at Hello</a> (Penguin Random House) and has an MBA degree from Harvard Business School.
					
		</div></LI></UL>

Five tips for virtual and IRL situations.

Job and life advice for young professionals. See more from Ascend <a dir="ltr" href="https://hbr.org/insight-center/ascend">here </a>.

You think you made a good first impression — even a great one — and then poof! Someone ghosts you. I don’t get it! I thought we had a good connection.

As a professional matchmaker, I hear this lament every day. So what’s going wrong?

I embarked on a research <a dir="ltr" href="https://www.amazon.com/Have-Him-Hello-Confessions-About/dp/0307406547">project </a>to find out. For 10 years, I interviewed my single clients, their former dates, and even random singles at bookstores, airport lounges, and speed dating events. More than 1,000 people shared their stories with me: stories about why they initially connected with someone but lost interest after a first date, stories about online attractions that sparked as fast as they fizzled, and stories about first impressions that almost immediately went sour.

I hated what I discovered because it seemed so unfair. The truth is: People don’t wait to get to know you before passing judgment.

A pesky dynamic called <a dir="ltr" href="https://dictionary.apa.org/primacy-effects">the primacy effect </a>is at fault. In psychology, the primacy effect is described as a cognitive bias in which the information we get about someone early on heavily influences how we interpret information about them later. Basically, first impressions matter — a lot. You might be surprised by how often minor comments and behaviors ruin them.

In my dating research, two of the most common reasons a person wanted a first but not second date were:

<ul><li>Someone was nice, but boring. </li><li>Someone asked interrogation-style questions that produced facts, but not an emotional connection. </li> </ul>

What do romantic relationships have to do with your professional ones? A great deal, actually. Singles aren’t the only ones jumping to fast (and usually false) labels. It’s the same at work, and the stakes are high. First impressions directly impact your ability to get hired for a job, impress the leaders at your organization, move up, and even connect with potential clients or investors. This need has surged even more as relationships have gone virtual.

Through my work as an executive coach and workshop leader at companies like Google, Morgan Stanley, and the like, I have helped thousands of employees hone <a dir="ltr" href="https://hbr.org/2017/01/how-to-boost-your-and-others-emotional-intelligence">EQ skills </a>— listening, curiosity, self-awareness, empathy — crucial to making great first impressions.

Whether you’re interviewing for a job, meeting your new team, or pitching your startup to a venture capitalist, here are five proactive tips to improve your first impressions at work (both virtually and IRL):

Pre-impressions are the new first impressions.

How often do you search Google, Facebook, LinkedIn, or Instagram before meeting someone new? ALWAYS! Spoiler alert: Everyone is checking you out online, too. The “first” impression of you isn’t when you actually make contact, it’s when someone pulls up your Internet profiles and makes snap judgments from their screen. I’ve seen thousands of singles reject a potential blind date after false assumptions they made from an Instagram page. Same thing happens in your career, especially from your LinkedIn profile.

It’s known as <a dir="ltr" href="https://dictionary.apa.org/confirmation-bias">confirmation bias </a>: People see what they expect to see, and often ignore information that opposes those expectations. For example, if your LinkedIn photo looks confident and warm, and your professional experiences listed are succinct and without typos, someone will probably expect you to be likable and competent. When you finally meet face-to-face, they will look for things to confirm their initial screening. Your online presence primes someone to see you through a positive or negative lens.

Do: Insert one self-deprecating line in your LinkedIn bio. <a dir="ltr" href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/let-their-words-do-the-talking/201608/people-will-you-if-you-make-them-laugh">Research </a>shows that people will like you if you make them laugh. For example: “Proudly voted in high school Most Likely to Break the Slurpee Machine at 7-Eleven.”

Don’t: Choose your own social media profile photos. Instead, find three people who don’t know you very well and share your photo options and your first impression goals with them. Then get candid feedback and let them make the photo selection for you. Maybe that smile you thought looks friendly actually reads as an arrogant smirk to someone who doesn’t know you.

“Good, thanks!” is the enemy of human connection.

Every conversation opens predictably with the same generic question: “How are you?” Then we leap to answer robotically: “Good, thanks!” On first dates everywhere, there follows dull superficiality. Same goes in your office and virtual meetings.

Great first impressions are about establishing an authentic, deeper connection. So don’t take “How are you?” literally. Rather, spend 30 seconds right before meeting someone new and ask yourself, “What do I want to share about myself early on that’s most important?”

Do: Answer “How are you?” with something strategic like: “I’m doing great because my new trekking poles finally arrived today! I’m training to climb Kilimanjaro next summer.” Then your early conversation banter is about one of your genuine core values: accomplishing big challenges.  Their first impression will likely be that you’re someone with fortitude and energy.

Don’t : Ask superficial questions. Avoiding a “Good, thanks.” is important, but can you ask an even better opening question? Try this opener with a soft, friendly tone: “Instead of asking how you are, I want to ask you, ‘How are you really ?’” Bam! Right away you signaled you want a real answer; this isn’t a shallow meet-and-greet. It will help foster a real connection.

The goal of a first impression is to be different and memorable. Marketing guru Seth Godin calls this idea a <a dir="ltr" href="https://www.fastcompany.com/46049/praise-purple-cow">Purple Cow </a> — a remarkable thing that stands out among the crowd. In dating, singles suffer from swipe fatigue where thousands of profiles look the same (“I like movies and travel!”), and boring text exchanges leave everyone numb (“Where are you from?”… “Dayton, how about you?”… “Miami.”… “Cool.”). Same goes with <a dir="ltr" href="https://hbr.org/2020/04/how-to-combat-zoom-fatigue">Zoom fatigue </a>at work: We suffer snooze-fest interactions all day long. If you want to stand out when meeting a new recruiter, manager, or colleague virtually, get creative and make a unique impression to jolt them from their screen trance.

Do : Pick an unexpected or thoughtful <a dir="ltr" href="https://museumhack.com/list-icebreakers-questions/">virtual icebreaker </a>. If you’re being interviewed for a job, you could ask, “I’m curious to hear the story about that object behind your chair,” or “If you could be anywhere else today besides interviewing me, where would you be?” If you’re scheduling a meeting with new team members, maybe insert a fun note into your calendar invite (“Bring your best joke: I’ve got prizes!”). If you’re pitching to a potential investor, you could play a high energy song when entering the Zoom room (think: “I Gotta Feeling” or “Eye of the Tiger”).

Don’t : Be boring!

Throughout exit interviews in my dating research, your L-Factor (likability) was high when you demonstrated interest in your conversation partner. My #1 dating tip for singles? Be more interested than interesting. People mistakenly think, in both dating and work, they have to impress someone early by trying to sound interesting and establish their credentials.

<a dir="ltr" href="https://hbr.org/2018/05/the-surprising-power-of-questions.html">Research </a>shows that expressing curiosity by asking thoughtful questions (without interrogating) creates connection and emotional bonding, which makes the other person like you. Remember this: A great first impression ultimately is not factual (what you say), it’s emotional (how the other person feels).

Do: Express curiosity by asking open-ended questions (“That sounds fascinating, tell me more?”).

Don’t: Interrogate (“What’s your job title?”) or humblebrag (“When I was at Harvard, it was SO stressful, but looking back I’m grateful.”).

Dating <a dir="ltr" href="https://www.amazon.com/Have-Him-Hello-Confessions-About/dp/0307406547/">research </a>underscores the importance of body language for both virtual dates and business meetings. Most people know a few basic nonverbal cues that create a positive first impression (smile, keep your arms uncrossed, etc.), but here are two tactics you may not be practicing yet in virtual settings:

Do: Place your elbow on your desk and lean forward toward the screen while resting your chin on the heel of your closed hand. This signals, “I’m interested in what you’re saying,” and makes someone feel good about you.

Don’t : Look at someone on your screen when you’re talking. You must look directly into the camera hole on your computer rim to make eye contact. Awkward? Yup! Try this hack: Find a favorite photo of someone who makes you happy (perhaps a college friend or your adorable grandpa) and tape it directly above the camera hole on your computer. Then look at the eyes in the photo to simulate looking into the virtual eyes of your conversation partner. Bonus: You’ll end up projecting a warm vibe because looking at that photo genuinely makes you happy.

First impressions in dating and work have many similar ingredients, but the most empowering takeaway might be that creating a positive first impression is a skill you can improve, not an arbitrary fate.

<ul><li><author-avatar data-author-name="Rachel Greenwald" data-js-target="author-avatar" data-url="">RG </author-avatar><div dir="ltr"><a dir="ltr" href="https://hbr.org/search?term=rachel%20greenwald&amp;search_type=search-all">Rachel Greenwald </a>is an Executive Fellow at Harvard Business School and an <a dir="ltr" href="https://www.linkedin.com/in/rachelgreenwald/">expert </a>on building successful relationships in both love and work. As CEO and founder of <a dir="ltr" href="https://rachelgreenwald.com/">Elevated Connections, LLC </a>, she uses tactics she honed throughout twenty years as a matchmaker to help singles find love and help business leaders improve their professional relationships, deepen connections among virtual teams, and elevate their EQ skills. She is the New York Times bestselling author of <a dir="ltr" href="https://www.amazon.com/Have-Him-Hello-Confessions-About/dp/0307406547/">Have Him at Hello </a>(Penguin Random House) and has an MBA degree from Harvard Business School. </div> </li> </ul>

Bite-sized knowledge
to upgrade
your career

A Matchmaker’s Advice on How to Make a Great First Impression at Work

First Impressions

Pre-Impressions

Online Profiles: Do’s And Don’ts

Creative, Intriguing Conversations

First Impressions: Don’t Be A Bore

Your Likeability

Body Language

IDEAS ABOUT

MORE LIKE THIS

How to Make a Good First Impression, According to Experts

What Do Dating and Starting A Business Have in Common? Ask A Professional Matchmaker

How To Make A Great First Impression

It's time to

READ

LIKE

A PRO!

Bite-sized knowledgeto upgradeyour career

A Matchmaker’s Advice on How to Make a Great First Impression at Work

First Impressions

Pre-Impressions

Online Profiles: Do’s And Don’ts

Creative, Intriguing Conversations

First Impressions: Don’t Be A Bore

Your Likeability

Body Language

IDEAS ABOUT

MORE LIKE THIS

How to Make a Good First Impression, According to Experts

What Do Dating and Starting A Business Have in Common? Ask A Professional Matchmaker

How To Make A Great First Impression

It's time to

READ

LIKE

A PRO!

Bite-sized knowledge
to upgrade
your career