How to Control the Uncontrollable In Life

For me, I like learning, so to boost my own, I’ve learned a new practice: Dialectical behavior therapy.^[5] In DBT, you learn the first thing to do when things are too much for you is to R.E.S.T – relax, evaluate, set an intention and take action.

Work out something that makes you stop in your tracks. Maybe it’s a song, playing hide and seek with the dog, mediation or something else. What might it be? Something where you stop thinking.

• You don’t try to stop the sun from rising, why? Because you know it to be out of your control.
• Do you try to get out of the way of a stampeding bull? Yes, but why? Because you believe you have control.
• These are obvious examples but it’s not always obvious. In life, the statements that take away your control are likely to be more subtle and are the statements that no one pays attention to. So, learn to!

• This is called reframing . The ability to find potential in the harshest of situations. It will help you have more control of your thoughts and better actions and results.

For instance:

• I miss going out –> I’ve saved so much money.
• I miss working in the office –> I don’t miss that commute and I adore having hugs from the children/partner/dog/cat in between meetings.
• I feel isolated –> I am learning to appreciate my own company and the person I am.

• Remember that as you create solutions to the way you think and what actions you will take, your brain is going to prove you right regardless. If you say 1 + 1, your brain proudly jumps in with 2!
• It stops you from finding new better ways of working since your brain wants to keep you safe – believing you’ve done all you can and there’s nothing more that can be done.

Ask yourself questions like:

• “And what would that give you?”
• “And why would you benefit from that?”
• “And what would that lead to?”

We’ve all heard the saying a problem shared is a problem halved. Talking about something helps bring it to the front of our mind and work out what we want instead.

Control is not always about control but your perception of it. When you bring everyone together to a common goal , they are more likely to persevere and keep going for each other.

They help restore a sense of control if boundaries are respected and enforced . Everyone needs to create the rules and lives by them.