Avoiding painful feelings

Saying "I'm fine" is a form of avoidance. You may say you are fine to protect yourself from painful feelings.

Generally, codependents are uncomfortable with emotions and try to suppress them. After years of suppressing their feelings, they may be unaware of them. They say I'm fine because they don't recognise how they feel.

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Why We Say "I'm Fine" When We Aren't

psychologytoday.com

We also say I'm fine to avoid strife. We don't share our thoughts because someone might get angry with us.

We may also desire to be even-tempered. We don't want to cause conflict because it might drive people away. We may think that people won't like us if we have complicated feelings and would rather pretend to be fine and never complain about anything.

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Pretending we don't have any issues can be a form of denial. We want everyone to think we're doing great because we're afraid of the embarrassment and judgment that might come if people knew we're struggling. We also ignore our problems because they're overwhelming, and we don't know how to solve them.

But, while avoiding issues is easier, we know it isn't an effective long-term solution.

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If you are used to denying your feelings and problems, it can be difficult to look at them. However, if we want to have better relationships, we have to acknowledge that we're not okay and are possibly hurt, afraid, or angry.

To move out of denial, start with acknowledging your feelings. This can be done through journaling. Try not to judge your emotions as it provides valuable insight. Instead, consider why you're feeling a particular way.

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