Why We Say, "I'm fine" -- When We Aren't

You also may have learned in childhood that you shouldnt need anything. Again, you may have been punished when you asked for something or your needs may have been ignored. When this happens repeatedly, we learn that we shouldnt ask for anything because no one cares about our needs and they wont be met.

Related to this is our desire to be easy going or low maintenance. Again, we dont want to be difficult (that might lead to a conflict) and we dont want to be a burden or need anything because that might drive people away. A history of dysfunctional relationships and fragile self-esteem has led us to believe that people wont like us (and perhaps theyll abandon or reject us) if we ask for too much or have complicated feelings. It feels safer to pretend were fine and be a dependable, cheerful friend or an easy-going daughter-in-law who never complains.

You also may have learned in childhood that you shouldnt need anything. Again, you may have been punished when you asked for something or your needs may have been ignored. When this happens repeatedly, we learn that we shouldnt ask for anything because no one cares about our needs and they wont be met.