For many years, psychologists believed that dark emotions needed to be released physically, like hitting a soft object, like pillows or punching bags.

• However, this type of emotional venting makes people relive their anger in their bodies, strengthening the neural pathways for anger and making it easier to get angry the next time.
• The same is true of grief or anxiety. If we only relive our experience without finding meaning and a way to soother ourselves, it could extend our suffering.

While supportive friends and family may care enough to listen and sympathize with us, there's often a limit to how much listeners can actually hear. It can be frustrating to listen to someone wallowing in emotion without learning from their experience. The listener may also "catch" these emotions themselves. 

An artful listener will use empathy or sympathy and wait for the right moment before offering perspective.

• Be selective about when you vent. Instead of venting to people, you can gain perspective on your own by writing your thoughts down or changing your environment.
• When you vent to others, ask them for their perspective. It will help you not to keep rehashing your experiences.
• Consider to whom you vent. Did this person help you last time you spoke to them or just make you feel worse?
• Be careful around online venting. Negative emotions easily spread online, which can result in bullying or trolling.