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Non-Violent Communication, Part I: Stop the Jackals
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Non-Violent Communication (NVC)
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Jackal language
...is anything spoken with the intention of blaming, judging, criticizing, insulting, demanding, comparing, labeling, or punishing someone else.
Jackal statements tend to make others feel fear, guilt, shame, or anger. And people tend to respond with defensiveness, resentment, or a counter-attack of Jackals about you.
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SIMILAR ARTICLES & IDEAS:
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Why We Give Criticism
- To help someone improve. Sometimes criticism is actual honest feedback.
- To see a change that we would like. If we regularly read a magazine or blog, for example, there mi...
Why Criticism Hurts or Angers
- The criticism is mean-spirited. If you use insulting or degrading language or put down the person in any way, they will focus on that, and not on the rest of the criticism.
- If you focus on the person instead of their actions, you will make them angry or defensive or hurt.
- They assume you’re attacking them. Some people can’t take criticism in a detached, non-personal way.
- They assume they’re right. Many people don’t like to hear that they’re wrong, whether it’s true or not.
How to Deliver Criticism Kindly
- Don’t attack attack, insult, or be mean in any way
- Talk about actions or things, not the person.
- Don’t tell the person he’s wrong.
- Don’t criticize at all. Give a positive suggestion instead.
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Verbal violations
- Not allowing you to speak or be heard.
- Yelling at you.
- Saying things that are derogatory about your integrity and character.
- Gossiping about you.
Psychological/emotional boundary violations
- Preying upon your sense of self and self-esteem
- Using what you’ve told them in confidence against you
- Lying to you
- Criticizing you
- Manipulating you
- Mocking you
- Making demands of your time
- Bullying you
- Lording a superior attitude over you
Physical violations
- Moving into your personal space
- Touching you without permission
- Being inappropriate or too familiar towards you
- Violating your privacy
- Damaging or destroying your personal property
- Threatening you with physical harm
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Listen
To mindfully listen means to wait patiently for the other person to finish before we speak. Also, it means keeping our mind focused on the speaker, instead of wandering ...
Practise non-judgment
To mindfully converse and avoid conflicts, we need to try our best to refrain from judging the other person’s opinion, story or perspective. We should come to terms with the fact that there is no wrong or right — only different perceptions.
Show understanding
Show others that you understand them. For example, say “I understand” or “I see what you mean.” It gives them a sense of comfort that their words and feelings are relatable.