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The signs of unhealthy power dynamics in a relationship-and how to even them out
A “power imbalance” in a relationship
Power in relationships is the ability of each person in the relationship to influence each other and direct the relationship.
Being in control makes people feel good and may place the drive for rewards above the intimacy and connection we have with our partners.
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A “power imbalance” in a relationship
Power in relationships is the ability of each person in the relationship to influence each other and direct the relationship.
Being in control makes people feel good and may place the drive for rewards above the intimacy and connection we have with our partners.
Negative relationship dynamics
- The demand-withdrawal dynamic. One partner seeks change, discussion and a resolution to issues within the relationship, while the other partner is withdrawn, and tries to avoid the issues.
- The distancer-pursuer dynamic. One person tries to achieve a certain degree of intimacy with their partner, while the other considers this affection to be "smothering."
- The fear-shame dynamic. The fear and insecurity of one partner would bring out the shame and avoidance in the other.
Positive power struggle
Not all power struggles are destructive. Some types of power struggles allow growth within the relationship and encourage a deeper understanding and respect for each other.
While it is still a struggle, by the end of it, you have reached an understanding about which lines can be crossed, which not, and how much each partner is able to compromise.
A healthy balance
Elements that produce a healthy balance in relationships:
- Attention: The emotional needs of both partners are being met.
- Influence: Both partners can engage with and emotionally affect the other.
- Accommodation: Most decisions are made jointly.
- Respect: Each partner has positive regard, respect, and admiration for the other person.
- Selfhood: Each partner can be their own person both within and outside of the relationship.
- Vulnerability: Each partner is willing to admit faults, weakness or uncertainties in themselves.
- Fairness: Both partners feel that the responsibilities and duties are divided in a way that supports each person.
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Going Downhill
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Married couples find contentment in other sources and remain satisfied with each other, and if not so, then the marriage breaks down.
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Codependency
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Signs of Codependency
Ask yourself these questions:
- Does your sense of purpose involve making extreme sacrifices to satisfy your partner's needs?
- Is it difficult to say no when your partner makes demands on your time and energy?
- Do you cover your partner’s problems with drugs, alcohol, or the law?
- Do you constantly worry about others’ opinions of you?
- Do you feel trapped in your relationship?
- Do you keep quiet to avoid arguments?
The Development of Codependency
When a child grows up in a dysfunctional home with unavailable parents, the child takes on the role of caretaker, learn to put the parents need first, and repress and disregard their own needs.
As the child becomes an adult, he or she repeats the same dynamic in their adult relationships.
Resentment builds when you don’t recognize your own needs and wants. A common behavioral tendency is to overreact or lash out when your partner lets you down.
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Conflict mistaken for passion
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Keeping the peace
Ignoring problems in a relationship in order to avoid conflict will only mean that the problems pile up until they can no longer be ignored – and by then, it might be too hard to fix.
Keeping score
Keeping track of the things that you do, versus the things that they do is a way to create pressure and conflict where there should only be teamwork.
Sit down together and work out a plan on things like chores or bills, and who does or pays what.
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