How To Stop Caring About What People Think & Do - Darius Foroux
Discovering your core values, and having a vision is key to finding your mission.
You have to know where you want to go (Vision) and create a road map that takes you there (Values). Having these foundational pillars in your life makes us less susceptible to what others think and do.
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Humans have an inbuilt drive to belong and be accepted. This makes us care about what others think of us.
Out of novelty and boredom, we started being part of 'imaginary' groups just because it is cool to do so. There are groups in social media, or in clubs/bars, in which people join due to desire to be accepted.
If we have our friends, family, a career and a few hobbies, we don't need to attach our identity to a group.
It's ok to disappoint others, instead of falling in the trap of doing obligatory and unnecessary work, as many kind and thoughtful people end up doing. It is ok to say NO to others, as the most important task you have is to live up to your core values and your mission.
If people are disappointed with you, it is a revelation that they are selfish, and are not concerned with the wellbeing of others.
Create your own closely-knit group of true and authentic people in your family and close friends.
You need to stop bothering about or getting influenced by other people and realize that you don't need to be part of other groups.
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“The most fundamental and important truth at the heart of Extreme Ownership: there are no bad teams, only bad leaders.” - Jocko Willink and Leif Babin, Extreme Ownership
A few examples of how we extrapolate our exceptions all the time:
But that doesn’t mean we should follow through on every single thought that pops into our mind.
Every time you start thinking about future events or start making mental movies, keep count on a post-it note or a small piece of paper. Be aware of your thoughts. But don’t follow through.
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The idea that couples must communicate and resolve all of their problems is a myth. The truth is, trying to resolve a conflict can sometimes create more problems than it fixes.
The last person you should ever have to censor yourself with is the person you love.
It’s important to make something more important in your relationship than merely making each other feel good all of the time. The feel-good stuff happens when you get the other stuff right.
Romantic sacrifice is idealized in our culture.
Sometimes the only thing that can make a relationship successful is ending it at the appropriate time, before it becomes too damaging. And the willingness to do that allows us to establish the necessary boundaries to help ourselves and our partner grow together.
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