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6 Common Communication Mistakes that Couples Make
You don’t actually listen
When someone else is speaking, we are often waiting for our opportunity to say what we think, rather than actually listening.
Don’t rush in. Consider what they’ve said, and think carefully before giving them your response.
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Key Ideas
Poor communication
The lack of communication is one of the main reasons for break-ups, divorces and for seeking couple therapy, according to studies.
Poor communication is also related to conflict-based con...
Fear and resentment
When having important discussions with our partners, we face the fear that they are not really hearing us.
This could lead us to develop a form of resentment because we may not feel validated by them. We might also misinterpret their body language and words and feel hurt and disrespected by them.
The antidote to fear
Fear is the enemy of healthy communication. The antidote would thus be developing safety.
When we feel safe, we can talk about anything in healthy ways. You should also make sure you help your partner feel safe when talking to you.
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Key Ideas
Not Editing Your Work
Spelling, tone and grammatical mistakes can make you look careless.
- Don't rely on spell-checkers.
- Proofread your work.
- Use a dictionary to look up any words that y...
Delivering Bad News by Email
Written communication channels don't allow you to soften difficult messages with nonverbal cues.
Delivering a message in person makes it easier to pick up on signs that people have misunderstood parts of your message.
Avoiding Difficult Conversations
It's tempting to try to avoid difficult conversations, but this can cause further problems.
- Preparation is key to handling difficult conversations.
- Use tools such as the Situation – Behavior – Impact technique to encourage your people to reflect on their behavior.
- Role-play your conversation first.
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Key Ideas
Make small talk
You communicate a genuine interest when you inquire or listen to the small details that make up your partner’s day. It’s those insignificant moments that make up the reality of our lives.
Shared experiences
Words are not necessary for shared feelings to improve a relationship. Just doing something at the same time—riding bikes, watching a movie, or eating dessert, intensifies both pleasant and unpleasant experiences.
Listen carefully
Use a technique called “active listening” - a form of listening in which you acknowledge that you understand what is being said.