When we’re falling in love with someone, the first thing we notice is how good it feels. It’s because the brain releases feel-good neurotransmitters that boost our mood. When we find love, it is like biological fireworks. Our heart rate is elevated, our levels of the so-called love hormone oxytocin are rising, which makes us feel connected. Our levels of the hormone and neurotransmitter norepinephrine are spiking, which makes us lose track of time; our levels of adrenaline rise, which expands the capillaries in our cheeks and makes us flush.

Love And Your Brain

Our levels of serotonin, a key hormone in regulating appetite and intrusive anxious thoughts, fall down. So when we are in love we might find ourselves eating irregularly or fixating on small details, worrying about sending “the perfect text,” “saying the perfect words” and then replaying the text or the phone call over and over again in our head.

Being In Love Lowers Anxiety

When we start feeling a deep sense of calm and contentment with our partner, brain areas are activated that trigger not just basic emotions, but also more complex cognitive functions. This can lead to several positive results, like pain suppression, more compassion, better memory and greater creativity. Romantic love feels like a superpower that makes the brain thrive.

Love Heals, According To Science

Love is a biological necessity, just like water or exercise or food. My research has convinced me that a healthy love life — which could include your beloved partner, your closest circle of friends, your family and even your favorite sports team — is as essential to a person’s well-being as a good diet.

Love Is Needed To Survive

If you don’t feel that you have a meaningful relationship, it’s as if you are socially thirsty, and your brain sends a signal to tell you that you need to help your social body. Some of the same alarms activated when people are thirsty are activated when people feel socially disconnected from others. The key is not to suppress these feelings. They are meant to help us survive; we are meant to do something about it.

The Thirst For Love

No one feels guilty when they are thirsty, right? So no one should feel guilty when they are lonely.There is a paradox in loneliness; we want to approach others, but the lonely mind has been lonely for so long that it detects more threats — inaccurately, of course — and makes you want to withdraw rather than approach others.

The Paradox Of Loneliness

Love doesn’t have to be with a living person. If you are really in love with life, with your passion, with your hobby, it can also be a buffer against loneliness.

Love Yourself, Love Your Life, Love Your Passion

For years, people have thought that to help people who are lonely, you have to put them together. But the worst thing you can do for a lonely person is try to help them without asking them for help in return — a concept based on mutual aid and protection. Instead, we need to help them have a new sense of worth. We can ask them for their advice.

Helping The Isolated

Yes, you can stay connected with others even if you are physically alone in a room.Close your eyes right now and think about the person you love the most. Now, think about the last time you made them laugh out loud. Does that bring a smile to your face? We store these positive memories in our mind, and we can access them any time. We have the remote control.

A Long Distance Connection

In her new book, Stephanie Cacioppo, a neuroscientist, delves into romance, loss and human connection as she writes of her love story with her husband.

loveandrelationships

Love & Relationships

scienceandnature

Science & Nature

How Love Changes Your Brain

<ul><li>The optimal arrival time accounts for several different, sometimes competing considerations.</li><li>If you arrive at the stated start time, chances are that you will be the first one there.</li><li>You want to arrive just as the party’s gaining real momentum.</li><li>When we go to a party, we all run our own little calculations to try to identify this golden moment.</li></ul>

When to Arrive at A Party

The optimal arrival time accounts for several different, sometimes competing considerations: If you’re the first one there, it can be a little awkward.If you show up long after everyone else, you might miss the best parts or risk rudeness. <ul><li>Most likely, you want to arrive just as the party’s gaining real momentum, a Goldilocks window of time that’s neither early nor late.</li><li>For low-key parties with friends and food, the ideal time to show up can be 38 minutes after the start time.</li><li>30 minutes would be too early, and 45 minutes too late!</li></ul>

The 38 Minute Rule

Part of it has to do with a fundamental tension between what's called "clock time" and "event time"<ul><li>Clock Time: The specific time on the watch.</li><li>Event time: a more fluid framework that follows our social rhythms</li></ul>

Clock Time Vs Event Time

<ul><li>Parties are supposed to be conceptual and experiential opposites to business meetings or classes.</li><li>Unlike many other events, parties don't feel like they start at a single, clearly delineated moment-there's no starting gun or curtain-raising.</li><li>The real party doesn't begin until the number of guests crosses a certain threshold- this is subjective, hard to define and sometimes difficult to identify.</li></ul>

A Fluid Start

We made an interactive calculator—with help from a mathematician—that bypasses the confusion about what “fashionably late” means and tells you definitively when to arrive.

personaldevelopment

Personal Development

communication

Communication

A Mathematical Formula for the Right Time to Show Up at a Party

The first step toward becoming more assertive is taking inventory of how you voice your thoughts and feelings. Do you use a passive or aggressive communication style?

Assess your communication style

Find yourself automatically saying yes to things without thinking about it? If you tend to do this, Phelan recommends having some go-to phrases when you’re faced with a request or invitation you aren’t that into.

Plan your response ahead of time

If you find yourself feeling guilty when you try to assert yourself, keep in mind that saying no to a request doesn’t mean you’re rejecting the person .

Don’t let guilt get in the way

It’s hard to practice being assertive when you’re in the moment. That’s why Rose recommends mentally pumping up yourself with <a href="https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/self-talk">positive self-talk </a>.It might sound corny, but if you’re about to have a conversation where you know you’ll have to put your foot down, hype yourself up with positive thoughts of “I’ve got this” or “My time is important.”

Use positive self-talk

If your heart starts racing at the mere thought of placing a boundary, take a moment to breathe deeply, especially if you feel aggression starting to take over.“Breathing will calm the brain and the body and help ground yourself, making it easier to come back to your intentions,” Rose adds.

Take time to breathe

Communication isn’t just verbal. Before going into a stressful situation or a difficult conversation, Rose recommends adopting an assertive body stance that makes you feel more confident and powerful.What does that look like? Stand up straight, rolling your shoulders back. Maintain regular eye contact and a neutral facial expression.

Embody an assertive stance

If you have a big issue you’re trying to address, consider role-playing with a trusted friend by practicing different conversation styles. Write it down, then say what you want to say aloud.Remember to ask for feedback about how clear you’re coming across, and how the other person might see the situation.Pay attention to how they respond to your tone of voice and body language. Are you communicating without becoming shy or hostile? Evaluate yourself afterward. Tweak your approach according to their input.

Rehearse with someone you know and trust

Without a healthy and balanced sense of self-worth, you’ll likely keep accepting less from others, or end up giving more than you receive.“If you don’t believe in yourself, it’ll be hard for someone else to believe in you or give you want you want,” Rose says.

Believe in your worth

If putting down boundaries feels aggressive or uncomfortable for you, consider this scenario: Your boss is constantly piling work on your desk without checking in on whether you can take more projects.An aggressive response would be blowing up at your boss in a meeting or demanding that someone else do the work.An assertive response, on the other hand, would be scheduling a meeting with your boss to discuss a new system for assigning work, or coming up with ways to better delegate responsibilities.

Set actionable boundaries

If all of this sounds a bit daunting, consider starting with some small exercises to help you practice being more assertive in low-risk situations.

Start small

If you’re finding it hard to practice being more assertive, consider talking things out with a <a href="https://www.healthline.com/health/therapy-for-every-budget">qualified therapist </a>for additional support. Underlying factors, including stress and anxiety, can make it particularly hard to ask for what you need.A therapist can help you identify roadblocks and come up with new tools for navigating around them.

Get outside help

Assertiveness can help you control stress and anger and improve coping skills. Recognize and learn assertive behavior and communication. Being assertive is a core communication skill. Assertiveness can help you express yourself effectively and stand up for your point of view.

Have a hard time putting your foot down and asking for what you need? These 11 tips can help you be more assertive in any situation.

Understand yourself and those around you.

psychology

Psychology

11 Ways To Be More Assertive

He prefers to work in Incremental Ways.•We are slow learners.•We have a lot to unlearn.•We are afraid to Humbly face the Truth.•Growth is often Painful and Scary.•Habits take Time to develop.

Why Does It Take So Long

Relearn a lesson forty or fifty times to really get it."not again,I've already learned that!"- but God knows better. We need repeated exposure.

We Are Slow Learners

All of our bad habits didn't develop overnight, it's unrealistic to expect them to go away immediately. Requires the hardwork of "removal and placement".The bible calls it removing of old self and putting on the new self.

We Have A Lot To Unlearn

Only God is allowed to shine the light of his truth on our faults, failures , and hangups can we begin to work on them. This is what you cannot grow without a humble, teachable attitude.

We Are Afraid To Humbly Face The Truth

You must let go of the old ways in order to experience new. The unconscious worry is that if i let go of my habit, my hurt, my hangups, who will I be ? This fear can definitely slow down your Growth.

Growth Is Often Painful And Scary

A husband who is faithful to his wife most of the time is not faithful at all! . There is only one way to develop the habits of christ- like character , you must practice them and it takes time. Devote your life to them so that everyone can see your progress. Repetition is the mother of character and skill. These character-building habits are often called "spiritual disciplines".

Habits Take Time To Develop

Why does it take so long To God for giving or releasing a Break through or a miracle in our lives?

The perfect companion to The Purpose Driven(R) Life! Features include Scriptures and quotes by Rick Warren, taken from the bestselling trade book, plus space to record reflections, prayers, and goals while seeking God's plans for life.

religionandspirituality

Religion & Spirituality

timemanagement

Time Management

Discover and fulfill your God-given purpose by joining the more than thirty-five million others who have embarked on a spiritual journey that started with this #1 New York Times bestselling book by Pastor Rick Warren.Before you were born, God knew what your life had in store for you. His hope for you is to discover the life he created just for you--both here on earth, and forever in eternity. Let Rick Warren guide you as you learn to live out your true purpose.The Purpose Driven Life is more than a book; it's a road map for your spiritual journey. Combining thoughtful verses from Scripture with timely stories and perspectives from Warren's own life, The Purpose Driven Life will help you discover the answer to one of life's most important questions: What on earth am I here for?Throughout The Purpose Driven Life, Warren will teach you to spend time getting to know yourself and your creator in order to live your life to the fullest. Unlocking your true purpose will also reduce your stress, simplify your decisions, increase your satisfaction, and, most importantly, prepare you for eternity.Designed to be read over the course of forty-two days, The Purpose Driven Life will help you see the big picture, giving you a fresh perspective on the way that the pieces of your life fit together. Every chapter of The Purpose Driven Life provides a daily meditation and practical steps to help you uncover and live out your purpose, starting with exploring three essential questions:<ul><li>The Question of Existence: Why am I alive?</li><li>The Question of Significance: Does my life matter?</li><li>The Question of Purpose: What on earth am I here for?</li></ul>Each copy of The Purpose Driven Life also includes thoughtful discussion questions, audio Bible studies that go along with every chapter, and access to a supportive online community, giving you the opportunity to dive even deeper into each life-changing lesson.

As philanthropists, Rick and Kay Warren give away 90 percent of their income through three foundations: Acts of Mercy, which serves those infected and affected by AIDS; Equipping the Church, which trains church leaders in developing countries; and The Global PEACE Fund, which fights poverty, disease, and illiteracy.

Rick Warren

The Purpose Driven Life

Purpose Driven Life Journal

Dislike, anger, contempt, disgust and hate are all negative emotions, but they represent different states:<ul><li>Dislike — you prefer not to be near someone (e.g. someone that makes jokes in poor taste)</li><li>Anger — you want to change someone's bad behavior (e.g. someone smoking in a non-smoking area)</li><li>Contempt — you look down on someone (e.g. a manager who treats their team poorly)</li><li>Disgust — you consider someone immoral or undesirable (e.g. someone bullying weak people)</li><li>Hate — you view someone as the opposite of your core moral beliefs (e.g. beliefs regarding abortion)</li></ul>

Negative emotions

Negative emotions have evolved to help us coordinate our physiological, cognitive and behavioral systems for dealing with threats. Thus, each emotion has a goal:<ul><li>Dislike — to guide our general preferences</li><li>Anger — to change someone's behavior in the short-term</li><li>Contempt — to derogate and exclude someone</li><li>Disgust — to avoid someone</li><li>Hate — to eliminate someone from our life</li></ul>

Goals of negative emotions

Hate is the strongest negative emotion. It's intense and enduring, and it's based on the fact that others are threatening our view of a good life or society. It makes us want to eliminate others, rather than just distance ourselves from them.Compared to the other emotions, hate is:<ul><li>Most distinct from anger and dislike</li><li>Somewhat less distinct from contempt</li><li>Least distinct from disgust</li></ul>The plot is meant to show the relationship between the negative emotions, and is based on my understanding of the findings in the research paper.

Hate

This post about hate (https://dsta.sh/cipiKWBBYr3BX8kW9) made me curious about the nuances of disliking someone. So I went through the original article and research paper, and got 3 cool ideas. These should help you better label your emotions as well

How does hating someone compare with anger, contempt or disgust? A clearer picture of what makes it unique is emerging

Hate and Negative Emotions

Imagine John, an honest employee whose colleague is a bigot and a harasser of women. From their first interaction, John didn’t like the way his coworker made inappropriate jokes. He recently called John ‘too soft’ after John declined his proposal to steal from their company to make some ‘extra money’. While he might never openly admit to hating anyone, John privately thinks to himself: This guy represents the worst in our society; I hope something bad happens to him and he goes away; I hate him.

The Pleasure of Hate

What does it mean to say that someone like John hates his coworker, rather than just disliking or feeling contempt for him? People claim to ‘hate’ all sorts of things in their daily lives: drama, traffic jams, math, broccoli, Mondays. But if they are asked about other people, especially specific individuals and groups, feelings of hate are usually not disclosed so easily. Hate is a heavy subject. When trying to understand prejudice, terrorism or genocide, people cannot help but think of hate as one of the primary causes.

Hate is a Heavy Subject

Currently, there is no consensus among scholars about hate’s nature. Hate has been described widely as an emotion, but also as an attitude or a sentiment. Some scholars think that hate is an extreme version of anger or dislike; some describe hate as a blend of emotions such as anger, contempt and disgust; and others regard hate as a distinct and unique feeling. Theories also diverge in their descriptions of hate’s antecedents, triggers, functions and behavioural outcomes. Nevertheless, people confidently talk about hate speech, hate crime, or anti-hate campaigns.

An Emotion, an Attitude, a Sentiment?

What we do know is that hate is intense and enduring, and it seems to be based on a view of its targets as essentially bad and threatening. For example, when the Hutus slaughtered the Tutsis in the Rwanda genocide of 1994, the hate they experienced appears to have been based on the perception that the Tutsis were essentially evil and that they should be eliminated. The hate embodied by the Ku Klux Klan and other extremist groups often goes back decades or longer, transcending generations and sometimes lying dormant until finding a new trigger.

Intense and Enduring

We also know that people can hate close individuals such as family members, friends or romantic partners. Still, there is a lack of empirical research examining hate’s distinctive features, partly because studying hate is methodologically difficult and research ethics boards are not very happy about inducing feelings of hate in study participants. So I recently set out to investigate how the feeling of hate is different from dislike, anger, contempt and disgust, conducting a series of <a href="https://doi.apa.org/doiLanding?doi=10.1037%2Femo0001056">studies</a> with Jan-Willem van Prooijen and Paul Van Lange at the Vrije Universiteit Amsterdam.

A Series of Studies

We asked participants in the US to anonymously describe their own experiences of feeling each of these negative emotions, either toward an individual or a group. They rated the emotional intensity and duration of each experience, how threatening they perceived the individual or group to be, and other dimensions of the experience. Under the condition of anonymity, most people openly described individuals and groups they hate – often with a cathartic level of detail – suggesting that experiencing hate is more frequent in people’s lives than we might imagine.

The Experience

Our key finding is that, across the different dimensions, hate seems most distinct from dislike and anger, somewhat less distinct from contempt, and least distinct from disgust. For instance, compared with dislike, anger or contempt (not disgust), participants rated their experiences of hate as more intense. And compared with dislike or anger toward specific individuals, they rated their experiences of hate as more enduring, perceived hated individuals as more threatening to society, and expressed a greater inclination to engage in behaviours such as confronting, harming or offending them.

Key Findings

People also perceived hated individuals as more threatening to them personally than individuals toward whom they felt other negative emotions. These findings suggest that hate is a distinct feeling, but also that it shares some features with the other emotions, especially with contempt and disgust. What explains these differences between hate and other negative emotions? The answer might lie partly in the reasons for which each emotion has evolved, and in the particular ways in which people see the targets of each emotion.

A Distinct Feeling

Negative emotions are thought to have evolved as goal-oriented mechanisms that help individuals to coordinate their physiological, cognitive and behavioural systems for dealing with different threats. Dislike is a broad negative affective state that guides people’s preferences. When people dislike someone, that does not mean they necessarily wish to harm that person. Rather, they simply prefer not to be near them.

Goal-Oriented Mechanisms

Although hate, too, is a negative affective state, it implies that one really wants the other person out of one’s life completely (as in the case of John, who wishes his coworker would disappear), and might be willing to take steps to make that happen.When we compare hate with anger, contempt and disgust, the differences are a bit more nuanced. People get angry when others misbehave, and the anger is aimed at changing the behaviour of the misbehaving person in the short-term.

Differences

For example, if somebody lights a cigarette in a non-smoking area, people around might get angry, and their overt expression of anger (via direct remarks or body language) could induce the smoker to put out the cigarette or leave. However, unlike anger, hate seems to be aimed not at the targets’ behaviours, per se, but at the targets themselves (ie, who they are or what they represent). Hate’s goal is therefore not to change the target’s behaviours but to get rid of the targets, based on the perception that they are essentially bad and unchangeable.

Hate's Goal

That is likely one reason why people tend to experience hate for significantly longer periods of time than anger, which often dissipates relatively quickly once the unwanted behaviours cease.Contempt and disgust are, like hate, focused on an individual’s or group’s disposition. Contempt consists of ‘looking down’ at others or viewing them as inferior, and its goal is to derogate and exclude them. Disgust is evoked when people appraise others as immoral or undesirable, and the goal of disgust is to avoid or distance oneself from them.

Group's Disposition

When people feel hate, however, the targets are not just perceived as inferior, immoral or undesirable, although they might be perceived as all of these. There is something else, something about them that motivates an especially strong reaction, to the point of wanting to eliminate them physically or symbolically (such as by eliminating a group’s symbols, in the case of intergroup hate), rather than only excluding or avoiding them.

A Stronger Reaction

So, what is it that people find so threatening about the targets of their hate? In a set of studies currently under review, we tested whether hate was triggered to a higher degree by threats to people’s resources and goals or by threats to their values and worldviews. We found that participants expressed significantly more hate toward individuals endorsing views that were opposite to their own on issues such as abortion, the legalisation of drugs, or same-sex marriage than toward individuals who blocked their goals and caused them to lose a reward.

The Hate's Targets

This could indicate that at least part of what people find particularly aversive about their hate targets is the perception that those individuals or groups endorse the opposite of what they believe is fair, noble and right, or their idea of what is a good life or a good society.These beliefs are part and parcel of people’s identities, which adds an extra, threatening ingredient. People can dislike aspects of a person, or get temporarily angry at their behaviours, but hate seems to be related to fundamental and non-negotiable disagreements in core moral beliefs.

Moral Beliefs

While these disagreements could be present to some degree when people feel emotions such as contempt and disgust (helping to explain their closeness to hate), when people feel hate, these moral differences might be taken as personal threats, based on the importance of people’s values and beliefs to their sense of who they are. This could fuel a heightened emotional experience and prepare individuals for attacking rather than avoiding their targets.Having a clear idea of what hate means and what its dynamics are is essential for identifying and responding to it.

Moral Differences

For instance, political ideologies that capitalise on identity threats, or on the supposedly evil character of certain groups, might be instilling much more than anger among followers – sowing the seeds for long-term aggression and fostering social division. Policymakers who are conscious of this might make stronger efforts to combat the spread of hate-triggering narratives and raise awareness among citizens.

Policymakers's Efforts

A clearer conceptualisation of hate might also, by extension, contribute to a better understanding of related concepts such as hate speech or hate crime, providing tools for legal actions or anti-hate initiatives. There is much more to learn about this strong negative emotion, but we are developing a better sense of what, in fact, it means to feel hate.------Cristhian A Martínezis a PhD candidate at the department of Experimental and Applied Psychology at Vrije Universiteit Amsterdam. His research focuses on understanding how people respond to transgressions insocial and political spheres.

Cristhian A Martínezis 

parenting

Parenting

artsandculture

Society, Arts & Culture

What makes hate a unique emotion – and why that matters | Psyche Ideas

Love at first sight: Is it possible? Do people really meet and in moments simply know they're meant to be? New evidence suggests: Yes, they do.The idea is wonderfully romantic: Two strangers see each other "across a crowded room," there's an instant attraction, an electric spark, and suddenly they've found their match and never look back. In a world where dating often requires a lot of work—that comes with disappointment, rejection, and uncertainty—falling in love at first sight has strong appeal.We look at some findings from a recent study on love at first sight.

Love At First Sight

People really do report experiencing love at first sight in the instant they encounter a person. It's a strong initial attraction that would later become a relationship. One compelling counter-argument—that people have biased memories and essentially create the illusion of having fallen for each other instantly—isn't an appropriate explanation for all cases of love at first sight.

Love at First Sight Isn't Just Biased Memory

In this study, strangers were more likely to report experiencing love at first sight with physically attractive others; in fact, one rating higher in <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/beauty">attractiveness</a> on the scale that the researchers used corresponded with a nine times greater likelihood that others would report that electric love-at-first-sight feeling.

You're More Likely to Feel Love at First Sight with Beautiful People

The researchers aren't sure why this happens, but it begs more investigation. Might women be less inclined to this experience because they are more selective in whom they might date, as other research has shown? Men might, for example, report this experience with multiple potential partners. But whether this translates into relationships is another question.

Men Report Love at First Sight More than Women

A comparison of participant reports of love at first sight showed that it's typically a one-sided phenomenon; this suggests that shared instant love isn't very common. The researchers suspect, however, that one partner's intense initial experience could help shape the other person's recollection, shifting it toward a belief that he or she also experienced love at first sight.

Love at first sight isn't usually mutual

The kind of qualities that are known to reflect love—<a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/relationships">intimacy</a>, commitment, passion—are not particularly strong in those first moments when people say they've fallen in love at first sight. At least, these emotions are not experienced to the same degree as they are by people in established relationships. The love-at-first-sight experience appears open to these emotions to a greater extent than first meetings where love at first sight is not reported.

Love at First Sight Isn't Really "Love"

Science favors the romantics. Love at first sight actually is experienced by people, but it's not so much "love" or "passion," Instead, it's a strong pull or attraction that makes someone particularly open to the possibilities of a relationship. Love at first sight can happen multiple times, and maybe the instances where it fizzles or simply never translates into a relationship are forgotten. But when love at first sight does launch a sustained relationship, the story is a great one.

The Bottom Line

Is Love at First Sight Real?

When you're having anxiety and stress always remember to remain calm and patient, do not let fear control your emotions and actions, the more you observe your health while being collected the easier it gets to know how to maintain it.

Anxiety and Stress

Your goal in life is to be more Patient than you were yesterday, always cool down your temper, because when you make decisions while angry or excited, you will remember what was their motive later.

Patience 

Stay away from anything that makes you unconscious about your surroundings, Alcohol, weed and drugs are only ways of escaping the inevitable, provided you didn't hurt yourself doing them that is.

Conciousness

We always try to learn the safe way, we don't only learn from our own mistakes, others went through ,whatever we are going through right now, we should take tips.

Observation

You know what they say: "if you wanna go fast, go alone, but if you wanna go far, go together".Seek friendships that go with you the long way.

TEAM PLAY

I've learned these at a young age, and always shared them with my friends, it helped many of them including myself grow mentally and lose the void within.

What's the source of Anxiety

1. Speak with integrity.2. Say only what you mean.3. Avoid using the Word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others.4. Use the power of your Word in the direction of truth and love.

The 1st Agreement: Be Impeccable With Your Word 

Be careful about your Word i.e. your inner dialogue. They may be invisible, but they are seeds that will take root and grow into your life.

• What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream.• You start to get depressed and unhappy because you start to believe those negative things about yourself.• When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering.• Once you stop taking things personally, you will be much happier.

The 2nd Agreement: Don’t Take Anything Personally

"You never responsible for actions of others, whatever happens around you don't take it personally.. nothing other people do is because of you. It is because of themselves.”

• We often jump to conclusions and make assumptions that are wildly wrong. When you have trouble understanding something, you assume you know what it means. When things become clear, you can see that it means something else entirely.• Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. • Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama.

The 3rd Agreement: Don’t Make Assumptions

• When you always do your best, taking action because you love it, not because you're expecting a reward.• then you really enjoying life. You are having fun, you don't get bored, you don't have frustrations.• If you truly commit yourself, you will find that there is absolutely no reason for you to judge yourself, and you will eliminate the feelings of guilt and blame from your life. Plus, you will be a lot more productive!

The 4th Agreement: Always Do Your Best

1. Start noticing the beliefs you have, which are based on fear and make you unhappy. 2. Learn to forgive the people who hurt you, most of all yourself.3. Remember that each day could be your last to stay in the present.

three ways to break old agreements

In The Four Agreements, bestselling author don Miguel Ruiz reveals the source of self-limiting beliefs that rob us of joy and create needless suffering. Based on ancient Toltec wisdom, The Four Agreements offer a powerful code of conduct that can rapidly transform our lives to a new experience of freedom, true happiness, and love. • A New York Times bestseller for over a decade • Translated into 46 languages worldwide “This book by don Miguel Ruiz, simple yet so powerful, has made a tremendous difference in how I think and act in every encounter.” — Oprah Winfrey “Don Miguel Ruiz’s book is a roadmap to enlightenment and freedom.” — Deepak Chopra, Author, The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success “An inspiring book with many great lessons.” — Wayne Dyer, Author, Real Magic “In the tradition of Castaneda, Ruiz distills essential Toltec wisdom, expressing with clarity and impeccability what it means for men and women to live as peaceful warriors in the modern world.” — Dan Millman, Author, Way of the Peaceful Warrior

mentalhealth

Mental Health

problemsolving

Problem Solving

In The Four Agreements, bestselling author don Miguel Ruiz reveals the source of self-limiting beliefs that rob us of joy and create needless suffering. Based on ancient Toltec wisdom, The Four Agreements offer a powerful code of conduct that can rapidly transform our lives to a new experience of freedom, true happiness, and love. •  A New York Times bestseller for over a decade •  Translated into 50 languages worldwide   “This book by don Miguel Ruiz, simple yet so powerful, has made a tremendous difference in how I think and act in every encounter.” — Oprah Winfrey “Don Miguel Ruiz’s book is a roadmap to enlightenment and freedom.” — Deepak Chopra, Author, The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success “An inspiring book with many great lessons.” — Wayne Dyer, Author, Real Magic “In the tradition of Castaneda, Ruiz distills essential Toltec wisdom, expressing with clarity and impeccability what it means for men and women to live as peaceful warriors in the modern world.” — Dan Millman, Author, Way of the Peaceful Warrior

Don Miguel Ruiz is an accomplished writer whose work has resonated with readers around the world. Don Miguel Ruiz has published several books that explore a range of topics, from fiction to nonfiction, and has received critical acclaim for the ability to weave compelling narratives. Don Miguel Ruiz's writing style is known for its depth and authenticity, and has earned quite a loyal following of readers.

Don Miguel Ruiz

Janet Mills is an accomplished writer whose work has resonated with readers around the world. Janet Mills has published several books that explore a range of topics, from fiction to nonfiction, and has received critical acclaim for the ability to weave compelling narratives. Janet Mills's writing style is known for its depth and authenticity, and has earned quite a loyal following of readers.

Janet Mills

The Four Agreements

There is no magic, one-size-fits all answer for building a happier, healthier, more productive life.

Most of us aren’t ready for all the expectations the world piles onto us, let alone the internal ones we have of ourselves that add to the pressure.And yet, somehow we deal with them. We learn, we struggle and over time, hopefully we get better. Of course we develop much of our approach to dealing with our internal and life’s external expectations subconsciously. Identifying the approach you’ve shaped so far is what The Four Tendencies are for.

Learning To Live While We Live

The Four Tendencies is a personality profile framework to help you understand how you and the people around you deal with their outer and inner expectations, so you can better manage your life, work and relationships.Understanding the four tendencies has three primary benefits:1. Self-mastery in getting yourself to do things.2. Influencing others to do things.3. Understanding why others do or don’t do things, which reduces frustration and increases harmony.

The Four Tendencies: The Premise

Upholders meet inner and outer expectations. They love rules, having a clear plan and are self-motivated and disciplined.  Questioners meet their own expectations, but resist outer ones. They need to see purpose and reason in anything they do.  Obligers meet other peoples’ expectations easily, but struggle with their own. The must be held accountable by a friend, coach or boss to get things done. Rebels defy both outer and inner expectations. Above all, they want to be free to choose and express their own individuality.

Upholders, Questioners, Obligers and Rebels

The largest group are Obligers. In theory, that’s not a problem, because it’s fairly easy for Obligers to make good use of their tendency. As long as they set up a good accountability system, they can be consistent and reach their goals.Obligers often face the biggest inner struggle, because they always put everyone else before themselves.  This can culminate in self-sabotage through little acts of defiance that end up hurting themselves more than anyone else, for example failing a test on purpose, just to prove a point.

Obligers: The Biggest and Hardest Group to Be In

An Upholder is someone who gets things done efficiently and makes time for themselves as well. An Upholders responds well to both other people’s expectations and their own personal ones so they’re very reliable at work and get all of their tasks done without any trouble.Some upholders can be so obedient that they don’t question what the rules are and follow them without thinking. These people often become snitches because of their need to obey authority. They also tend to resist change, which is why they’re not as successful in life as others who are more critical thinkers.

Upholders: People Who Are Good at Upholding Their Commitments and Responsibilities

Questioners turn all outer expectations into inner expectations if they believe its reasonable and efficient. Thus, Questioners only meet inner expectations.Questioners excel at being logical and efficient in everything they do. But they can also be viewed as annoying for their constant questioning unless they are very socially adept when asking those questions.Some random characteristics of Questioners: They hate waiting in line, they love spreadsheets, and they love sharing articles.

Questioners: The Quest For Logic And Purpose

In this groundbreaking analysis of personality type, bestselling author of Better Than Before and The Happiness Project Gretchen Rubin reveals the one simple question that will transform what you do at home, at work, and in life. During her multibook investigation into understanding human nature, Gretchen Rubin realized that by asking the seemingly dry question "How do I respond to expectations?" we gain explosive self-knowledge. She discovered that based on their answer, people fit into Four Tendencies: Upholders, Questioners, Obligers, and Rebels. Our Tendency shapes every aspect of our behavior, so using this framework allows us to make better decisions, meet deadlines, suffer less stress, and engage more effectively. More than 600,000 people have taken her online quiz, and managers, doctors, teachers, spouses, and parents already use the framework to help people make significant, lasting change. The Four Tendencies hold practical answers if you've ever thought: • People can rely on me, but I can't rely on myself. • How can I help someone to follow good advice? • People say I ask too many questions. • How do I work with someone who refuses to do what I ask—or who keeps telling me what to do? With sharp insight, compelling research, and hilarious examples, The Four Tendencies will help you get happier, healthier, more productive, and more creative. It's far easier to succeed when you know what works for you.

The Four Tendencies

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