When you're visiting with relatives, there always seems to be that uncomfortable point in the conversation when you're asked about your "situation" with work. Instead of grinding your teeth, politely tell them you appreciate their concern, and tell them you'll let them know when you're situation changes for the better.You can move away from the topic by shifting to something related to how they are doing."I appreciate you asking. I am doing fine. I have some things in the works but I am choosing not to discuss them at this time. When I have an offer and know where I will land, you will know."

Move Away From The Subject

After being asked about your job search efforts for the fifth time, it can be hard to remember that your family is just trying to help. See the question for what it truly is: care and concern for your well-being.  Use it as a chance to practice your elevator speech and enjoy the time with family and friends. So, even if it's hard, try to be patient and treat them with respect.

Realize They Do It Because They Care

Your friends and family probably have the best of intentions by asking about your job search, but it can be frustrating when they continue to badger you about your employment prospects. To keep the peace, thank them for checking in with you, but let them know that your job search is proving to be more challenging than you had hoped.Use their concern as a positive and ask them if they have any contacts in your field or know of any openings that might be in line with your skill set.

Make Them Feel Helpful

You can craft a short, to-the-point response that will satisfy most family members.If they continue to probe after your short answer, remain consistent with short, upbeat responses. We often think under these circumstances that we need to get detailed but if you think about many other conversations, especially around Thanksgiving time (with loads of people), they are usually fairly superficial and short.

Keep Your Answers Short, But Positive

The most important thing is to recognize you don't owe an explanation to anyone about how your job search is going.  You can and should set boundaries with your extended family and friends by making clear what you will and won't talk about.

Set Boundaries

It may not exactly bring out the best in you when old Auntie June keeps asking why you haven't found a job yet. So, what should you tell your family and friends over the holidays (or at any get-together) when they badger you about your job search?

personaldevelopment

Personal Development

communication

Communication

loveandrelationships

Love & Relationships

How To Deal With Family Asking About Your Job Search

1. Enhancing love maps2. Nurturing fondness and admiration3. Turning toward each other4. Accepting influence5. Solving solvable problems6. Overcoming gridlock7. Creating shared meaning

Short Summary 

<ul><li>This means deeply knowing each other. It can include knowing his or her challenges, dreams, friends, beliefs, favorites of all kinds, and childhood experiences.</li><li>The more you know your love partner the more intimacy happens, and hence it is called as love map of your partner, here you need to know your partner very well.</li></ul>

1. Enhance Your Love Map

<ul><li>Means expressing appreciation, acknowledgment, pride, care, admiration, and adoration.</li><li>Mutual affection and respect are essential for a lasting and fulfilling romance.</li></ul>Fondness and admiration prevents<ul><li>Criticism</li><li>Contempt</li><li>Defensiveness</li><li>Stonewalling</li></ul>

2. Nurturing Fondness and Admiration

<ul><li>Doing small things daily for your partner will help to keep your relationship long lasting .</li><li>To show your love , listen to your partner, listen to what they always want to say and share, instead of saying you’ll listen later or don’t have time, sit with them and listen what they really what to share, you can show your romance by showing them your love and care on a daily basis, it’s not necessary to do big things always but small things daily creates more impact.</li></ul>

3. Turn Toward Each Other 

Means that happy couples are a team, that always considers each other point of view, perspective and feelings, happy couple are those who always make decision together, they respect each other point of view and comes to a common ground, Let your partner influence you means to honor and respect each other and this understanding will help you to make a successful and happy relationship.

4. Let Your Partner Influence You

For resolving conflicts,<ul><li>Soften your startup: This means you need to start your conversation without getting too harsh.</li><li>Learn to make and receive Repair Attempts: Learn any action or statement which helps to repair or decrease the tension of that argument.</li><li>Soothe yourself and each other: When you are getting irritated on argument take few minutes break, calm yourself your brain, close your eyes and relax your mind and body, ones you feel relaxed calm and peaceful then try to make your partner feel good and do something which comforts both of you.</li><li>Compromise: Negotiation is nice.</li></ul>

5. Solve Your Solvable Problems

The author says when Dreams are respected, Couples feel happy in their relationship, And also realizes that marriage is supposed to support each other for their dreams not to manipulate the other one to not to achieve their goals, marriage is about supporting and understanding each other goals and dreams.

6. Overcome Gridlock

Marriage is not only about raising children’s, splitting chores or making love but it also has a spiritual Dimension that has to do with creating inner life togetherness – A culture rich with Rituals, and the appreciation for your roles and goals that links you, that will make you understand that what it means to be a part of the family you have become.

7. Create Shared Meaning

<ul><li>Parting: Author says before saying bye for office you need to find out one thing which is happening in the partner’s life that day.</li><li>Reunions: Here you need to have stress-reducing conversation daily at the end of the day.</li><li>Admiration and appreciation: need to find out a reason every day to show your affection and appreciation towards your spouse.</li><li>Affection: Kiss, hold hands, hug when you both are together.</li><li>Weekly date: This could be a relaxing low-pressure way to stay connected. Go out for a date, stay connected talk about each other problems etc.</li></ul>

5 Magic Hours Activities 

“Happy marriages are based on a deep friendship. By this I mean a mutual respect for the enjoyment of each other’s company”

The revolutionary guide to show couples how to create an emotionally intelligent relationship - and keep it on track Straightforward in its approach, yet profound in its effect, the principles outlined in this book teach partners new and startling strategies for making their marriage work. Gottman has scientifically analysed the habits of married couples and established a method of correcting the behaviour that puts thousands of marriages on the rocks. He helps couples focus on each other, on paying attention to the small day-to-day moments that, strung together, make up the heart and soul of any relationship. Packed with questionnaires and exercises whose effectiveness has been proven in Dr Gottman's workshops, this is the definitive guide for anyone who wants their relationship to attain its highest potential.

books

Books

The revolutionary guide to show couples how to create an emotionally intelligent relationship - and keep it on track Straightforward in its approach, yet profound in its effect, the principles outlined in this book teach partners new and startling strategies for making their marriage work. Gottman has scientifically analysed the habits of married couples and established a method of correcting the behaviour that puts thousands of marriages on the rocks. He helps couples focus on each other, on paying attention to the small day-to-day moments that, strung together, make up the heart and soul of any relationship. Packed with questionnaires and exercises whose effectiveness has been proven in Dr Gottman's workshops, this is the definitive guide for anyone who wants their relationship to attain its highest potential.

John Gottman

The Seven Principles For Making Marriage Work

What you seek is seeking you.

When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy.

Be grateful for whoever comes, because each has been sent as a guide from beyond.

I know you're tired but come, this is the way.

Do not feel lonely, the entire universe is inside you.”

You are not a drop in the ocean. You are the entire ocean, in a drop.

a great wordsmith that lived in the 13th century.

2187 quotes from Rumi: 'Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.', 'Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing 
and rightdoing there is a field.
I'll meet you there.

When the soul lies down in that grass
the world is too full to talk about.', and 'The wound is the place where the Light enters you.'

religionandspirituality

Religion & Spirituality

motivationandinspiration

Motivation & Inspiration

Rumi Quotes (Author of The Essential Rumi)

The ancient Roman festival Lupercalia took place annually on February 15 and involved primitive forms of courtship and matchmaking. St. Valentine was also executed on February 14, around 278 A.D. Legend has it that he befriended the jailer's daughter and wrote a letter to her the night before his execution, then signed it, "From Your Valentine." Two centuries later, Pope Gelasius ordered that Lupercalia be replaced with February 14, observing St.Valentine's Day. The Romans also constructed the idea of Cupid, a god of love, which was adapted from Eros, a Greek god of passion and fertility.

The roots of Valentine's day lie in ancient Rome

Valentine's Day first became romanticiced by classic authors. Chaucer (1300s)Chaucer's epic poem The Parliament of Fowls referenced "Seynt Valentynes day." Shakespeare (16th century) Shakespeare popularised love with his "Sonnet 18" "Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?" In Hamlet, the character Ophelia recites a song about a young lady's experience with the holiday, "Tomorrow is Saint Valentine's day," and "To be your Valentine."

Shakespeare and Chaucer in love

By the 1700s, Valentine's Day made its way to the United States. It became traditional for friends and lovers of all social classes to exchange small tokens of affection or handwritten notes. In England, the Industrial Revolution eventually included the production of fancy valentines. When American Esther Howland received her first English valentine greeting in 1847, she believed there would be an American market for these formal, English-style greetings. She created the earliest American Valentine's Day greeting cards.

The 17th Century and Beyond

<ul><li>1714: Charles II of Sweden started communicating with flowers. This tradition set the stage for red flowers to be exchanged for Valentine's Day.</li><li>1822: The Cadbury chocolate company sells the first heart-shaped box of chocolates.</li><li>1849: Howland hopes to earn $200 with Valentine's Day cards but instead earns 25X.</li><li>1866: Conversation candies are developed.</li><li>1870: Howland incorporates her booming card business as the New England Valentine Company. In 1881, she sold her company to George C. Whitney Company.</li></ul>

Valentine's Day marketing 1700 - 1800s

<ul><li>1902: Conversation candies become heart-shaped.</li><li>1906: American Greetings was founded and eventually became one of Whitney's chief competitors.</li><li>1910: Hallmark is founded.</li><li>1913: Hallmark produces its first Valentine's day card.</li><li>1948: The De Beers diamond company launched its "A Diamond is Forever" campaign, promoting the message that jewellery can be used to express love.</li><li>1986: Hershey's began packaging Kisses candies in pink and red foil for Valentine's day.</li></ul>

Valentine's Day marketing 1900s

<ul><li>2004: Marketers continue to embrace the media, and an influx of high-quality and high-budget commercials mark the holiday. One iconic commercial was the mini-romance drama Le Film that promoted Chanel No. 5 perfume.</li><li>2005: YouTube was invented because "three guys on Valentine's Day had nothing to do."</li><li>2013: Uber tolls out "Romance on Demand," allowing users to send flowers on Valentine's Day via the app.</li><li>2018 - present day. Valentine's Day marketing campaigns have gone mostly digital with a strong social media presence.</li></ul>

Valentine's Day marketing 2000s

Discover the roots of Valentine's Day marketing, and how it wasn't always about cards, flowers, and chocolate.

history

History

marketingandsales

Marketing & Sales

artsandculture

Society, Arts & Culture

Be Mine: A Brief History of Valentine's Day Marketing

Many couples will privately admit that they are frustrated and disappointed with the person they've chosen to share their lives with. They may admit that their partner is too loyal to their annoying family, doesn't share their views, don't want to go on camping holidays,  and the list goes on. But they still love their partner and want to be happy together. What is driving the frustration is that they have preconceived ideas of how a relationship is supposed to be.

Frustration in a relationship

We often think that love involves a merger of two lives. We expect a loving couple must think the same, eat the same, have the same ideas, have only common friends. If it is not right in every way, we believe we need to reform the relationship. However, we need just three essential things from one another:<ul><li>Kindness: a partner who good-humouredly tolerates our imperfections.</li><li>Shared vulnerability: someone with whom we can be weak, vulnerable, and honest.</li><li>Understanding: someone who is interested in and can make sense of our minds and how we view the world.</li></ul>

Two perspectives of a relationship

If we have kindness, shared vulnerability, and understanding, we will feel satisfied and loved. When differences appear in other areas, we will be content. If we agree on every other area but lack these three ingredients, we will feel lonely and empty.

Three elements of a relationship

It can be hard to know what we really need from a relationship. But the task becomes much simpler if we keep in mind that every relationship requires just three crucial ingredients to work. Sign up to our new newsletter and get 10% off your first online order of a book, product or class: https://bit.ly/2TMs0dT For books and more from The School of Life, visit our online shop: https://bit.ly/2Xyn8Kj Our website has classes, articles and products to help you lead a more fulfilled life: https://bit.ly/39Hq7Wz Join this channel to get access to exclusive members perks: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC7IcJI8PUf5Z3zKxnZvTBog/join FURTHER READING You can read more on this and other subjects on our blog, here: https://bit.ly/2XCj63C “Many people, after they’ve been in a couple for some time, will privately admit that they are – in many ways – frustrated and disappointed by the person they’ve chosen to share their lives with. If pressed for details, they will have no difficulty coming up with a list: their partner, they might complain:..” MORE SCHOOL OF LIFE Watch more films on RELATIONSHIPS in our playlist: http://bit.ly/TSOLrelationships SOCIAL MEDIA Feel free to follow us at the links below: Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/theschooloflifelondon/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/TheSchoolOfLife Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/theschooloflifelondon/ CREDITS Produced in collaboration with: Gemma Green-Hope http://www.gemmagreenhope.com/ Title animation produced in collaboration with Vale Productions https://www.valeproductions.co.uk/

videos

Videos

It can be hard to know what we really need from a relationship. But the task becomes much simpler if we keep in mind that every relationship requires just three crucial ingredients to work.
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Our website has therapy, articles and products to help you lead a more fulfilled life: https://www.theschooloflife.com/

FURTHER READING

You can read more on this and other subjects on our blog, here: https://bit.ly/2XCj63C

“Many people, after they’ve been in a couple for some time, will privately admit that they are – in many ways – frustrated and disappointed by the person they’ve chosen to share their lives with.  If pressed for details, they will have no difficulty coming up with a list: their partner, they might complain:..”


MORE SCHOOL OF LIFE

Watch more films on RELATIONSHIPS in our playlist: 
http://bit.ly/TSOLrelationships


SOCIAL MEDIA

Feel free to follow us at the links below:

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/theschooloflifelondon/  
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CREDITS

Produced in collaboration with:

Gemma Green-Hope
http://www.gemmagreenhope.com/
 
Title animation produced in collaboration with

Vale Productions
https://www.valeproductions.co.uk/

We're interested in self-understanding, calm and emotional maturity.

We have thousands of articles about emotional life for you on our website: www.theschooloflife.com

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We publish one film a week, on Wednesdays at 14.00hrs GMT.

The School of Life

The Three Requirements of a Good Relationship

Sometimes, you isolate yourself in a room for personal space, and it doesn’t make you feel lonely at all. On the other hand, you may sometimes feel lonely even after being surrounded by a group of friends. Right?

Loneliness is not same as being alone, and it doesn’t have to do anything with your social skills, the number of friends you have, or the amount of money you possess. It is a universal feeling that is subjective for each individual.

Misconception

Everyone feels lonely from time to time. It is something hardwired in us for thousands of years now.

Reality

Being social animals, humans can interact with each other like no other living species ever imagined. We are developing rapidly, and in the last one hundred years, we’ve discovered many ways to stay connected with our loved ones. With the help of technology, we can call someone hundreds of miles away and connect with them instantly. We have laptops, mobile phones, and tons of other gadgets to make us feel less lonely. And yet, various studies show loneliness is increasing over time among people across the globe. So, why is it happening?

Acceptance

To understand it, we will first have to understand how evolution works. The evolution of a species is a slow process that happens by natural selection. It happens over the generations in a way where upcoming generations by default possess the traits which helped their ancestors to survive. For example, walking on two legs, feeling restless when you’re hungry, or itchy when you have to go to pee.

Evolution

For thousands of years, people used to live in small groups of 50 to 150 members. Each group was one big happy family. They all hunted together and gathered food and shelter for the whole group. For someone who was not a part of any group, survival was hard. There were wild animals, lesser food, and no one to take care of their kids if they fell sick. Being a part of the group was a sign of a secured future and offered good chances of survival.

Due to this, everybody wanted to be liked by other members of a group. Staying away from others and having no physical contact with them was risky. This developed fear in the human brain and our body came up with an idea of social fear to avoid it. Loneliness is nothing but a by-product of that fear.

Urge

Before the industrial revolution that took place in the 18th century, people used to stay at home. They worked on farms and returned to their families at night. With the rise in factories and industries, we started traveling to cities for a better lifestyle. The focus was turned from a group to an individual. As a result, joint families turned into nuclear families, and close relatives turned into extended families.

Industrialisation

Since then, we’re becoming modern so rapidly that our bodies are not capable of coping with that speed. We are relocating for jobs, changing schools/colleges, and switching careers. Everyone is leaving a social circle behind to find a new one, which isn’t easy. We are gaining more and more social connections, but losing close connections.

Relocating

We’re always busy with careers and responsibilities, and we have no time to form close bonds. Because of huge competition and desire for recognition, we now find it hard to trust others. We keep on pushing our boundaries until one day we wake up and realize that we’ve got no one by our side.

Struggle

Slowly and gradually, this temporary loneliness turns into a chronic condition that may result in depression or some other serious mental health problem. Once you reach this stage, you start pushing people away. It becomes difficult to think with a rational mind and decide whom to trust. You start doubting the intentions of every person around you. A genuine help from someone feels like a favor done in an expectation of something in return. You start acting normal and happy just to avoid looking vulnerable.

Consequences

Suppressing your true feelings will make things worst and you may end up doing something horrible. It may sound like an exaggeration, but it is true and more frequent than one can imagine. Almost every one of us has our biggest regrets from the time when we had no one to talk to, and we did something wrong in the heat of a moment. This can be avoided simply by helping others and accepting the help you need.

Put your ego aside and communicate with others. You don’t need any expertise or special qualification to show empathy. Just pick up your phone, and call that friend you haven’t talked to since college farewell. Text your ex and give them the closure they deserve. Pay a surprise visit to your parents living in a town. Thank your spouse more often. Send a gift to your child studying abroad. Sit with a random stranger in a coffee shop, a park, or a bar and listen to their story.

Solution

Your small gesture may cheer someone up, make their day, or save a life.

Loneliness is a silent killer. It may result in depression and various other mental health issues. Let's understand it and fight it together.

Loneliness isn't the same as being alone, and it doesn't have to do anything with your social skills, the number of friends you have, or the amount of money you possess.

health

Health

mentalhealth

Mental Health

Why do we feel lonely?

There's endless pressure from all sides: our culture, the media, your loved ones all purport the need to chase an extraordinary standard in every aspect of life.
We're urged to travel the world, while simultaneously working our way to professional success – all to get married to the perfect partner, buy a home and raise kids.

The Race

A picture-perfect adulthood isn't realistic. The goal posts will keep moving and we're never without the next best thing we should be doing on the path to growing into our next best selves.
It's a challenge not to feel as though finding yourself has been turned into a competitive sport. When the pursuit of extraordinary is the status quo, that's a game set up for many to lose. The solution is to turn away from constant comparison and instead focus on finding fulfillment and identity on your own terms.

Finding Fulfilment In Your Own Terms

What we might find is that the big questions: 'What matters to me? Who am I going to be in the world?' – have ordinary answers. Maybe it's embracing the pursuit of those answers that leads us to growth and shows us who we can grow into.
To rework your perception of the perfect life, it's important to understand and acknowledge the privilege of being able to pick and choose your plans for the future in the first place. Leaving your job to "follow your dreams" or moving to a new state aren't opportunities available for everyone.

Know Thyself

An ordinary life isn't something to be ashamed of. Constant comparison is ruining our health and making us live in chronic anxiety.
We're all impacted in both big and small ways by our own social context, so the road and the finish line will look different for everyone. But embracing your personal ordinariness doesn't mean you have to think small.

Embracing Ordinariness

The problem with finding your passion, or your dream job is that this kind of insidious mentality can actually keep us from critiquing the labor structure that we're existing in.
Our passion and dream job can actually prevent us from pushing for better work-life balance or policies that would improve our work life and our overall health and wellbeing, and critiquing the larger systems of labor that keep us working.

Finding Your Passion: The Myth of a Dream Job

One of those reasons is the common trope that moving to a new city to start over will jumpstart an extraordinary life.
This notion can be incredibly disenfranchising for people who don't have the bandwidth or resources to move to a place to see what happens. When you're feeling unsettled or alone, establish routines that give you a sense of stability and keep open lines of communication with your loved ones.

The Perfect Next Place

A partnership may enrich your life, but If romance doesn't fit right now, nothing is wrong with you, and you have a choice either way.
No matter where your relationships fall between those two poles, it's important to remember that this time of your life is formative. Each relationship can teach us how to love someone, how to be intimate with someone, what we want out of a partner. Or, on the more negative side, can teach us about what we don't want, or the danger of not exercising our own agency with a partner.

Choosing Yourself In Love

We're going to find ways to embrace our most ordinary selves. That can be as simple as logging off your computer 15 minutes early, calling a friend even if you still have items on your to-do list or being kind to yourself when you fall short of your own expectations.
Being able to renegotiate what matters to you, solve problems, and learn to trust yourself are ordinary things with remarkable power.

The Power of Everyday Ordinary Life

Live an ordinary life to be extraordinary.

For those in emerging adulthood, there's endless pressure from all sides to chase an extraordinary standard in every aspect of life. But writer Rainesford Stauffer says the so-called milestones are more unrealistic than ever. Now's the time for creativity and carving your own path — and she's got some tips from her book, An Ordinary Age, to get you started.

career

Career

'Extraordinary' is overrated. Here's how to embrace the power of an ordinary life : Life Kit

MDMA (Extasy) is usually associated with loud music, partying etc. But taken as a couple, Katie Anderson shows, it has some very beneficial long term effects:<ul><li>It offers a clean state for the relationship. The warmth of the experience and the honest discussions clears up all the emotional build-up and refreshes the relationship.</li><li>It makes partners (especially men) more emotionally open. Which is quote meaningful, considering male emotional opaqueness is one of the major reasons for divorce.</li></ul>

Couples & MDMA

You feel like you are floating in warm goo. You feel totally protected and you can say anything. And no matter what she says, it makes me love her even more. It's the deepest level of connection you will ever have with someone.

Most of the research on MDMA is on PTSD. But it can be a powerful emotional lubricant for couples. 

MDMA (‘ecstasy’) is well-known for its pro-social effects including heightened empathy and openness. These effects seem to facilitate closeness yet there has been limited research looking at MDMA’s impact on romantic relationships. Research question: How do shared MDMA experiences influence a romantic relationship? Method: Semi-structured interviews were conducted with 10 couples using a pluralistic approach. Results: Couples’ emotional environments were transformed: communication changed from knowing something on a rational, cognitive level to a deep, felt understanding; a protective bubble was formed around the couple: free from existing fears/judgments and an emotional sense of self was brought to the fore. Conclusion: The study opens up new understandings of the role of MDMA in romantic relationships through an appreciation of how emotional experience can be transformed by MDMA. It also points to a reconsideration of the therapeutic use of MDMA for couples. Biography Katie Anderson is a PhD student researching couples who take MDMA together and how they feel these ecstasy experiences have influenced their relationship. The research is qualitative and supervised by Professor Paula Reavey and Dr Zoë Boden. She completed her MSc Psychology at the University of East London in 2013, where her dissertation explored the meaning of MDMA experiences to users, and has a BA in Philosophy from the University of Cambridge.

Understand yourself and those around you.

psychology

Psychology

MDMA (‘ecstasy’) is well-known for its pro-social effects including heightened empathy and openness. These effects seem to facilitate closeness yet there has been limited research looking at MDMA’s impact on romantic relationships. Research question: How do shared MDMA experiences influence a romantic relationship? Method: Semi-structured interviews were conducted with 10 couples using a pluralistic approach. Results: Couples’ emotional environments were transformed: communication changed from knowing something on a rational, cognitive level to a deep, felt understanding; a protective bubble was formed around the couple: free from existing fears/judgments and an emotional sense of self was brought to the fore. Conclusion: The study opens up new understandings of the role of MDMA in romantic relationships through an appreciation of how emotional experience can be transformed by MDMA. It also points to a reconsideration of the therapeutic use of MDMA for couples.

Biography

Katie Anderson is a Ph.D. student researching couples who take MDMA together and how they feel these ecstasy experiences have influenced their relationship. The research is qualitative and supervised by Professor Paula Reavey and Dr. Zoë Boden. She completed her MSc in Psychology at the University of East London in 2013, where her dissertation explored the meaning of MDMA experiences to users, and has a BA in Philosophy from the University of Cambridge. ***********
To keep yourself up to date with psychedelic research, come celebrate the latest discoveries in our next in-person ICPR conference organized by the OPEN Foundation: 

https://icpr-conference.com/

See you there!

OPEN Foundation

MDMA’s impact on romantic relationships - Katie Anderson

MDMA for Couples

<ul><li>We spend our whole life thinking about what we can’t do with our money, so it’s hard to imagine your rich life initially</li><li>A rich life is not a number; it’s understanding you and your partner’s values/interests and achieving them without the influence of society</li><li>What is your rich life? Talk about this with your partner</li><li>Money is opaque and unclear to compare across situations</li><li>We always try to compare ourselves to others but it’s more important to take a deep dive into understanding your goals</li><li>Spending/saving habits are not always directly correlated to wealth</li></ul>

Podcast: Key Takeaways

It’s a tragedy to live a smaller life than you have to.

<ul><li>Most people have never thought about this question, individually and as a partnership</li><li>People’s feelings on how they are doing financially are highly uncorrelated with their actual financial status</li><li>Americans love to compare themselves to their neighbours</li><li>Financial plans are more exciting and successful when you shoot for the moon rather than sacrificing your values and interests right away</li><li>The more dialed-in your rich life becomes to you, the more incomprehensible it should become to everyone else</li></ul>

Defining A Rich Life

We spend our whole life thinking about what we can’t do with our money, so it’s hard to imagine your rich life initiallyStep by step process with your partner:<ul><li>On separate pieces of paper, write down your bucket list</li><li>Share them with each other</li><li>Pick a couple and put a dollar value on them</li><li>The numbers can be very different</li><li>Go with the bigger number – it will make the moment that much more worth it!</li></ul>This makes talking about finances more fun to talk about each month while you slowly but surely chip away at the goal

Counselling Exercise With Your Partner

<ul><li>You’re off to a bad start if one person is dragging the other to the meeting</li><li>Don’t blame, always ask questions to understand the context around spending/saving habits</li><li>Spend less time looking at fixed expenses (rent, groceries, gas), spend more but still little time on variable expenses (travel, gifts)</li><li>Spend most of the time examining rich life goals and updating progress, maintain a backlog of more rich life goals as you achieve them</li><li>These meetings can be depressing/challenging, make it a positive experience my going out to dinner or something out of the ordinary</li></ul>

Weekly Financial Meetings

In the next 48 hours, spend $100 on something you love. Can not be on kids, family, or charity. On yourselfChallenge is made for people who have trouble spending, designed to create a habit of spending money on things that are valuable to you

The 100 Dollars Challenge

<ul><li>Everyone is taught how to save money but nobody teaches you how to spend money</li><li>Family history can be very influential on this</li><li>Many people collect money eternally without having any rewarding goals</li><li>Would you rather end up at 60 years old with more money or more experiences and a little less money at 60?</li><li>People create a false financial story and live it</li><li>“I’m not good with money” is a narrative that can easily be changed if committing to a plan</li><li>Treat your financial plan like a business</li></ul>

Saving Could Be Worse Than Spending

Ramit Sethi — How to Play Offense with Money, Plan Bucket Lists, Build a Rich Life with Your Partner, and Take a Powerful $100 Challenge | Brought to you by Wealthfront automated investing, Athletic Greens all-in-one nutritional supplement, and Pique Tea premium tea crystals. More on all three below.Ramit Sethi (@ramit), author of the New York Times bestseller I Will Teach You to Be Rich, has helped tens of millions of people live a rich life with their money, careers, businesses, and psychology. He hosts more than a million readers on his site iwillteachyoutoberich.com, newsletter, and social media. His new podcast, I Will Teach You to Be Rich by Ramit Sethi, reveals real stories about love and money from behind closed doors. Subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you listen to fine podcasts.Please enjoy!This episode is brought to you by Wealthfront! Wealthfront pioneered the automated investing movement, sometimes referred to as ‘robo-advising,’ and they currently oversee $20 billion of assets for their clients. It takes about three minutes to sign up, and then Wealthfront will build you a globally diversified portfolio of ETFs based on your risk appetite and manage it for you at an incredibly low cost. Smart investing should not feel like a rollercoaster ride. Let the professionals do the work for you. Go to Wealthfront.com/Tim and open a Wealthfront account today, and you’ll get your first $5,000 managed for free, for life. Wealthfront will automate your investments for the long term. Get started today at Wealthfront.com/Tim.*This episode is also brought to you by Athletic Greens. I get asked all the time, “If you could only use one supplement, what would it be?” My answer is usually Athletic Greens, my all-in-one nutritional insurance. I recommended it in The 4-Hour Body in 2010 and did not get paid to do so. I do my best with nutrient-dense meals, of course, but AG further covers my bases with vitamins, minerals, and whole-food-sourced micronutrients that support gut health and the immune system. Right now, Athletic Greens is offering you their Vitamin D Liquid Formula free with your first subscription purchase—a vital nutrient for a strong immune system and strong bones. Visit AthleticGreens.com/Tim to claim this special offer today and receive the free Vitamin D Liquid Formula (and five free travel packs) with your first subscription purchase! That’s up to a one-year supply of Vitamin D as added value when you try their delicious and comprehensive all-in-one daily greens product.*This episode is also brought to you by Pique Tea! I first learned about Pique through my friends Dr. Peter Attia and Kevin Rose, and now Pique’s fermented pu’er tea crystals have become my daily go-to. I often kickstart my mornings with their Pu’er Green Tea and Pu’er Black Tea, and I alternate between the two. Their crystals are cold-extracted, using only wild-harvested leaves from 250-year-old tea trees. Plus, they triple toxin screen for heavy metals, pesticides, and toxic mold—contaminants commonly found in tea. I also use the crystals for iced tea, which saves a ton of time and hassle.Pique is offering 15% off of their pu’er teas, exclusively to my listeners. Simply visit PiqueTea.com/Tim, and the discount will be automatically applied. They also offer a 30-day satisfaction guarantee, so your purchase is completely risk free. Just go to PiqueTea.com/Tim to learn more.*If you enjoy the podcast, would you please consider leaving a short review on Apple Podcasts/iTunes? It takes less than 60 seconds, and it really makes a difference in helping to convince hard-to-get guests. I also love reading the reviews!For show notes and past guests, please visit tim.blog/podcast.Sign up for Tim’s email newsletter (“5-Bullet Friday”) at tim.blog/friday.For transcripts of episodes, go to tim.blog/transcripts.Discover Tim’s books: tim.blog/books.Follow Tim:Twitter: twitter.com/tferriss Instagram: instagram.com/timferrissFacebook: facebook.com/timferriss YouTube: youtube.com/timferrissPast guests on The Tim Ferriss Show include Jerry Seinfeld, Hugh Jackman, Dr. Jane Goodall, LeBron James, Kevin Hart, Doris Kearns Goodwin, Jamie Foxx, Matthew McConaughey, Esther Perel, Elizabeth Gilbert, Terry Crews, Sia, Yuval Noah Harari, Malcolm Gladwell, Madeleine Albright, Cheryl Strayed, Jim Collins, Mary Karr, Maria Popova, Sam Harris, Michael Phelps, Bob Iger, Edward Norton, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Neil Strauss, Ken Burns, Maria Sharapova, Marc Andreessen, Neil Gaiman, Neil de Grasse Tyson, Jocko Willink, Daniel Ek, Kelly Slater, Dr. Peter Attia, Seth Godin, Howard Marks, Dr. Brené Brown, Eric Schmidt, Michael Lewis, Joe Gebbia, Michael Pollan, Dr. Jordan Peterson, Vince Vaughn, Brian Koppelman, Ramit Sethi, Dax Shepard, Tony Robbins, Jim Dethmer, Dan Harris, Ray Dalio, Naval Ravikant, Vitalik Buterin, Elizabeth Lesser, Amanda Palmer, Katie Haun, Sir Richard Branson, Chuck Palahniuk, Arianna Huffington, Reid Hoffman, Bill Burr, Whitney Cummings, Rick Rubin, Dr. Vivek Murthy, Darren Aronofsky, and many more.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Tim Ferriss is a self-experimenter and bestselling author, best known for The 4-Hour Workweek, which has been translated into 40+ languages.  Newsweek calls him "the world's best human guinea pig," and The New York Times calls him "a cross between Jack Welch and a Buddhist monk."  In this show, he deconstructs world-class performers from eclectic areas (investing, chess, pro sports, etc.), digging deep to find the tools, tactics, and tricks that listeners can use.

The Tim Ferriss Show

#524: Ramit Sethi — How to Play Offense with Money, Plan Bucket Lists, Build a Rich Life with Your Partner, and Take a Powerful $100 Challenge

How to Play Offense with Money, Plan Bucket Lists, Build a Rich Life with Your Partner, and Take a Powerful $100 Challenge

For people with borderline personality disorder socializing can be hard. People can say hurtful things so we can feel safer alone.

BPD And Solitude

When you feel safe consistently, you are able to focus on yourself. You can read about your issues, meditate, learn about all sorts of things. You can work on yourself, do DBT ( Dialectical Behavioral Therapy, the most evidence based therapy for personality disorders) and get to a point where you are more open to socializeagain.

Solitude Can Be Healing

When you are alone, you can be yourself. Do whatever you want, watch whatever you want. Embrace this freedom.

There Is Freedom In Solitude

Just because you are lonely today, it doesn't mean that you will feel this way forever. As you connect with yourself, loneliness can turn into content solitude. I lost myself in loneliness and found myself in solitude. Maybe it can happen to you too.

Loneliness Today Can Mean Solitude Tomorrow

As someone with BPD, solitude has been a big part of my healing. I went from being lonely to feeling content in my solitude.

Solitude and BPD go hand in hand, many times. It feels safer. No one can see me cry or be upset. No one can say hurtful things. Our house or our room is our cocoon where hopefully we can heal. It's hard to understand how sensitive we are. It can be hard to understand us.…

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