There may be moments in life where we hold a lot of anger and resentment. These grievances should be dealt with, as they offer only a lifetime of hurt. No matter how enormous the pain may feel, it is possible to let go and forgive. Forgiveness is good for the soul, and it has positive benefits on our mental and physical wellbeing.

Research Findings

Pain in life is inevitable. Suffering, on the other hand, is optional.

Forgiveness is a process, whilst the duration and difficulty will vary significantly, it can be equally applied to all levels of pain.Dr Frederic Luskin found from his research that forgiveness training helps people:<ul><li>Feel significantly less hurt</li><li>Learn techniques for forgiveness</li><li>Forgive the person who has caused them pain</li></ul>

The Science Behind Forgiveness

If I develop bad feelings toward those who make me suffer, this will only destroy my own peace of mind. But if I forgive, my mind becomes calm.

Forgiveness is essential for a fully functional society.Medically speaking, there does not appear to be any downside to forgiveness. It is clear from ongoing research that forgiveness of day to day incidental issues and longer term grudges, offers prolonged physical, emotional and spiritual healing.

Positive Psychology Research 

Forgiveness is perhaps the most challenging of all the resources available to us - and the most transformational.

Acceptance shifts the balance. Your view of what is happening alters.You separate the pain that is inevitable from the suffering that is optional.To forgive, you must accept the past. You don't need to like it, but it has happened - and cannot be undone.

1. Acceptance 🤲

Research shows that you cannot suppress negative emotions. So become aware of your emotions, recognize and label them, and interrupt and calm your response. An important factor for forgiveness is that you need to be aware of the hurt, anger and grief you may be facing.

2. Emotional Regulation Label

Cease to be a slave to your selfish narrative by taking a step back and shift your perspective so you may observe your thoughts, feelings and bodily sensations. Observing anger is not the same as being angry.Mindfulness practices provide a practical path to shifting your perspective to allow you to see that your experiences do not define who you are.

3. Shifting Perspectives 👀 

Putting your self in someone else's shoes, can be incredibly helpful on the path to forgiveness.Empathy is powerful at understanding the pain of another.Compassion encourages you to take action needed to reduce that suffering.

4. Empathy And Compassion 💞

Be accountable for yourself, own your actions, thoughts, feelings and behaviour. Instead of reacting with fear and running away, or denying you have any power over whats happening, you must take action to avoid recurring harmful behaviour.Recognise unhealthy behaviours, without judgement, and take responsibility.

5. Responsibility Check

The process of forgiveness helps you to remove emotional barriers to finding happiness. Forgiveness provides vital benefits to your mental and physical wellbeing such as a reduction in:<ul><li>Depression</li><li>Anger</li><li>Stress</li><li>Cardiovascular disease</li><li>Pain.</li></ul>Increases and improvements in:<ul><li>Compassion</li><li>Hope</li><li>Immune response</li><li>Self confidence </li></ul>

Benefits Of Forgiveness

Forgiveness provides us with a powerful path to reduce our suffering and bring greater dignity and harmony to our life.

Use good feelings to focus on the positives.A rude comment from someone in a store should not outweigh the beauty of the sunshine or the joy in seeing your child doing something new.The TV remote is used as a metaphor for choosing the channel we watch on a day to day basis. Rather than remain on the grievance channel, we must regularly tune in to what is right in our lives. Choose LOVE, BEAUTY and FORGIVENESS.

Tools For Forgiveness 

When a painful experience hits us, we need something immediate.PERT can be performed in less than a minute, discreetly returning you to a state of calm, restore control, and prepare you to make useful decisions.<ol><li>Find a comfortable place to sit and focus on your breath, inhaling and exhaling.</li><li>On the third breath, focus on someone you love.</li><li>Breathe gently, maintain focus, experiencing the emotions deeply.</li><li>Ask yourself what you can do to overcome the present difficulty.</li></ol>

Positive Emotion Refocusing Technique (PERT)

Forgiveness frees us from the pain we hold so close that it damages our physical and mental wellbeing, along with our happiness.Bad things can't always be prevented, you have the choice on how you respond and shape your life for the better.

Final Message

Forgiveness is good for the soul and has positive benefits for our mental and physical wellbeing. We explore the psychology of forgiveness.

Understand yourself and those around you.

psychology

Psychology

personaldevelopment

Personal Development

mentalhealth

Mental Health

communication

Communication

loveandrelationships

Love & Relationships

Psychology of Forgiveness | 10+ Fascinating Research Findings

Sometimes giving up is exactly what we should do. We're taught to persevere, no matter what, but sometimes that perseverance — that unwillingness or inability to let go — keeps us from moving forward, from finding happiness, from adapting to the curve balls that life throws our way.

Giving Up

🌈Remember Why You Started and How Much You Really Wanted It. ...🌈Look Into the Reason Why You Want to Give Up. ...🌈Picture in Your Mind the Ultimate Result. ...🌈Make a Plan and Have a Backup. ...🌈Find Support From Others. ...🌈Be Grateful for the Good Things While Struggling.

Things To Do When You Feel Like Giving Up

🍁Adopt An “I Won't Quit” Mindset. ... 🍁Watch Someone Else Persevere. ... 🍁Call Someone. ... 🍁Go Back to Your “Why”. ... 🍁Find a Different “How”. ... 🍁Succeed at Something Else. ... 🍁Use Failure As a Stepping Stone. ... 🍁Keep Chipping Away.

Below you'll find 8 strategies for not giving up.

🍁Make a List of Goals. Write down your goals and visualize how you will feel when you hit each one. ...🍁Work Out Every Day. ...🍁Make a Schedule and Stick to It. ...🍁Find Your “Whys” ...🍁Find Some Mentors. ...🍁Stop Comparing Yourself With Other People. ...🍁Take Care of Yourself and Think Positively.

Tips to Boost Your Motivation

Give up

Relationships are built, they’re not discovered.

The hard work of love isn’t just finding someone, there’s making it work, keeping the love alive, and navigating the ups and downs of a relationship.It’s okay if you go on a first date and don’t feel the “spark” or instant chemistry. Oftentimes it takes time to develop that chemistry.Create a rule of thumb that you always go on a second date unless something really dramatic and bad happens on the first date

Dating Is Not A Game

Way too often people are rejecting partners that could be potentially great matches long term because they didn’t feel this instant spark.

<ul><li>Emotional stability: someone who doesn’t overreact in tough situations</li><li>Loyalty: someone who has existing long term friendships.</li><li>Growth mindset: someone who believes they can grow their skills through effort.</li><li>Ability to make hard decisions together: you want a teammate with who you can trust and work well.</li></ul>

Traits To Look For In A Partner

It’s easier to meet people now than ever before, however, dating is harder now than ever because:<ul><li>People expect to get all of their needs met from one person today instead of several people like friends, family, etc.</li><li>People have high expectations of what relationships should feel like (due to comparing relationships from social media)</li><li>People suffer from the paradox of choice.</li><li>More options make us feel depressed, makes it hard for us to choose, and in some ways leads to decision paralysis.</li><li>People have fewer relationship role models (many parents are divorced).</li></ul>

Modern Dating Is Challenging

The Happily Ever After fallacy is the false idea that finding someone is the hard part of finding loveThe hard work of love isn’t just finding someone, there’s making it work, keeping the love alive, understanding different relationship phases, and navigating the ups and downsFinding somebody is challenging, but that’s not where the hard work ends.

The Happily Ever After Fallacy

<ol><li>The Romanticizer has unrealistic expectations of relationships. They want the soul mate, the happily ever after, the whole fairy tale.</li><li>The Maximizer has unrealistic expectations of their partner. They love to explore their options and want to feel absolutely confident they’re making the right decision.</li><li>The Hesitator has unrealistic expectations of themselves. They feel like they’re not ready to date.</li></ol>

Dating Blind Spots

Attachment theory is one of the most rigorously researched elements of relationship science. It is based on how kids related to their primary caregiver. There are 3 main types of attachment:Anxiously attached: These people have a fear of their partner abandoning them and constantly want to be in touch with them.Avoidant attached: These people have a fear that they will be smothered by the relationship and constantly pull back from intimacy.Securely attached: These people are comfortable with intimacy but also comfortable with their independence.

The Attachment Theory

Securely attached people are about 50% of the population but because they’re good at relationships, they tend to be taken and are good at making relationships workTry to date someone who is securely attached or work on becoming more secure yourself

The Securely Attached

Instead of focusing on instant chemistry with your date, focus on the slow burn. The slow burn is the person who gets better over time and would make a great long-term partner.

Dating Isn't Instant Coffee

1) The spark is either there or it isn’tTruth: the spark can grow over time, it takes time for people to grow on someone2) The spark is always a good thingTruth: sometimes there’s a spark just because the person is charismatic or hot  3) The spark means the relationship is going to workoutTruth: the spark doesn’t guarantee a great long-term connection

Spark Or No Spark

<ul><li>Looks and money don’t matter in a long term partner as much as we think they do because we adapt to our circumstances over time</li><li>You don’t necessarily need someone with the same personality as you. You want someone whose personality complements yours.</li><li>You don’t necessarily need someone with the same hobbies as you. As long as you each have space to pursue your hobbies, you can make it work.</li></ul>

Stuff That Is Useless In Long Term Partners

<ul><li>Stop treating dates like job interviews, get out of work mode and focus on connecting with the person instead.</li><li>Instead of trying to be interesting, aim to be interested.</li><li>Be a good listener, ask follow up questions, and really get to know the person you’re on a date with</li></ul>People disproportionately remember things on how they end so try to end the date on a high note such as giving them a meaningful compliment or sharing a dessert at the end of dinner.

Make Dating Fun

<ul><li>Aim to find someone great, put in the effort, and create the relationship you want </li><li>A huge percentage of the success in a relationship is the effort you put into making it work</li></ul>Have hard conversations to make sure both of you are heading in the same direction before getting married:<ul><li>Where will you live?</li><li>Do you want kids?</li><li>How will you manage your money?</li></ul>

Tips For Long Term Relationship Success

Our mindset matters! The ability to shift your mindset from soul mate to work-it-out beliefs could mean the difference between finding a life partner or not.People with a work-it-out mindset know that relationships take effort and that building a successful relationship is a process.Our belief in fate and fairy tales—caused in part by Disney movies, rom-coms, and social media—creates unrealistic expectations for finding and sustaining relationships. Remember, no one is perfect, including you. Even Prince Charming has morning breath.

Disney Gave Wrong Expectations

Perfection is a lie. Everyone else is imperfect, too—even the person you’ll eventually end up with.By waiting to date, Hesitaters miss out on a chance to develop their dating skills and figure out what type of person they want to be with.Here’s how you can learn to overcome your hesitation:<ul><li>Set deadlines for yourself.</li><li>Do prep work for your new dating life.</li><li>Tell others about your plan.</li><li>Commit to your new identity as a “dater.”</li><li>Start with small goals.</li><li>Be compassionate with yourself.</li><li>Don't talk about your Ex.</li></ul>

Perfection Is A Lie: Don't Wait

Breakups wreak havoc on your physical and emotional health. However, what you feel during a breakup is only temporary.Journaling helps. Write about the positive aspects of the breakup, and the negative aspects of the relationship, to help yourself move forward.You can regain your sense of identity, which is often disrupted by a breakup, by participating in “rediscover yourself” activities—things that you enjoyed doing previously but gave up during your relationship.You can grow from the experience by focusing on what you learned and what you’ll do differently in the future.

Handling Breakups

Why Dating Is Harder Now Than Ever Before. But there’s hope. Using insights from behavioural science, we can take control of our love lives.

A “must-read” (The Washington Post) funny and practical guide to help you find, build, and keep the relationship of your dreams. Have you ever looked around and wondered, “Why has everyone found love except me?” You’re not the only one. Great relationships don’t just appear in our lives—they’re the culmination of a series of decisions, including whom to date, how to end it with the wrong person, and when to commit to the right one. But our brains often get in the way. We make poor decisions, which thwart us on our quest to find lasting love. Drawing from years of research, behavioral scientist turned dating coach Logan Ury reveals the hidden forces that cause those mistakes. But awareness on its own doesn’t lead to results. You have to actually change your behavior. Ury shows you how. This “simple-to-use guide” (Lori Gottlieb, New York Times bestselling author of Maybe You Should Talk to Someone) focuses on a different decision in each chapter, incorporating insights from behavioral science, original research, and real-life stories. You’ll learn: -What’s holding you back in dating (and how to break the pattern) -What really matters in a long-term partner (and what really doesn’t) -How to overcome the perils of online dating (and make the apps work for you) -How to meet more people in real life (while doing activities you love) -How to make dates fun again (so they stop feeling like job interviews) -Why “the spark” is a myth (but you’ll find love anyway) This “data-driven” (Time), step-by-step guide to relationships, complete with hands-on exercises, is designed to transform your life. How to Not Die Alone will help you find, build, and keep the relationship of your dreams.

books

Books

A “must-read” (The Washington Post) funny and practical guide to help you find, build, and keep the relationship of your dreams. Have you ever looked around and wondered, “Why has everyone found love except me?” You’re not the only one. Great relationships don’t just appear in our lives—they’re the culmination of a series of decisions, including whom to date, how to end it with the wrong person, and when to commit to the right one. But our brains often get in the way. We make poor decisions, which thwart us on our quest to find lasting love. Drawing from years of research, behavioral scientist turned dating coach Logan Ury reveals the hidden forces that cause those mistakes. But awareness on its own doesn’t lead to results. You have to actually change your behavior. Ury shows you how. This “simple-to-use guide” (Lori Gottlieb, New York Times bestselling author of Maybe You Should Talk to Someone) focuses on a different decision in each chapter, incorporating insights from behavioral science, original research, and real-life stories. You’ll learn: -What’s holding you back in dating (and how to break the pattern) -What really matters in a long-term partner (and what really doesn’t) -How to overcome the perils of online dating (and make the apps work for you) -How to meet more people in real life (while doing activities you love) -How to make dates fun again (so they stop feeling like job interviews) -Why “the spark” is a myth (but you’ll find love anyway) This “data-driven” (Time), step-by-step guide to relationships, complete with hands-on exercises, is designed to transform your life. How to Not Die Alone will help you find, build, and keep the relationship of your dreams.

Logan Ury

How to Not Die Alone

How to Not Die Alone: The Surprising Science That Will Help You Find Love

Over the past few years, researchers have devoted significant study to the concept of solitude — its potential benefits, its role in our lives, even its basic definition.So, here are a few takeaways from their recent work — with an eye toward how you can embrace alone time and make solitude a healthy practice in your life.

Research On Solitude

Where is the line between "together" and "alone"? This question isn't easy to answer, and to date, psychologists haven't settled on a single definition of solitude or the nature of its "active ingredient".But many agree, at least when conducting their studies, that the key rests with whether participants feel alone. One's subjective perspective matters more than whether their objective circumstances would bear that out on closer inspection. In other words, if you feel alone, you probably are — at least for the purposes of your mental state.

Solitude In The Mind Of The Beholder

When we feel lonely, it's because our desire for company exceeds our ability to find it. This process can work in reverse as well: If our desire for solitude exceeds our ability to find it, we can also struggle with feelings of discomfort."If we're not satisfying that need, there might also be a cost, just like there's a cost of being lonely if you don't satisfy your need to belong."What constitutes the right amount of solitude varies person to person, Coplan says, but when you aren't getting enough time on your own, you may begin to feel more irritable, anxious or put out.

We may crave time alone the way we crave time with others

But that bolt from the blue need not arrive for solitude to show some psychological benefits. And you don't need to emulate a medieval hermit to get the kind of time and space needed to feel those effects either. <a href="https://louisville.edu/psychology/salmon">Paul Salmon </a>, a psychology professor at the University of Louisville, recommends looking at your quest for solitude more along the lines of a high-intensity interval workout — as a variety of exercise that can be brief and scattered throughout the day but no less effective for it.

Solitude As A High Intensite Interval Workout

Funny as it may sound, pursuing your solitude may help develop your sense of community. By asking others for the time to yourself, and explaining why this is no reflection on their company, Salmon says you are bringing others into your trust, which they may appreciate."Explain that it's not like you're isolating yourself and setting yourself apart, but that what you're doing is something of personal value," he recommends. "By doing so, you're inviting other people to at least acknowledge and accept that and possibly even engage in it themselves."

Solitude As Something Of Personal Value

And if even this does not help you obtain a separate space of your own, even for a little bit, remember that in many ways, solitude is what you make it. According to Salmon and his wife, Susan Matarese, a political scientist, also at Louisville, one doesn't need to be physically alone to experience solitude. Just close your eyes, turn inward for a bit and pay attention to what's going on in your body and what thoughts are going through your brain.

No Need To Be Physically Alone To Experience Solitude

health

Health

How solitude can help you regulate your mood

Should we tell them our true intentions in situations? How much should they know about our current circumstances or background? Should we reveal what we already know about them? In his 1959 book, The Presentation of Self in Everyday Life, Erving Goffman argued that social interaction is a kind of drama or theater with people playing different roles in different situations. The intention of that play, he insisted, is to convince others that we are indeed the characters we claim to be. <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/social-life">Social life </a>, it seems, is about making and managing “impressions.”

How much should You reveal about YOU 

Interaction becomes a sort of information game in which selected things emerge and others remain hidden—and most appear as versions of the full truth. Again, all of us want other people to regard us in certain (usually, idealized) ways. Interaction, as another of his book titles has it, is “strategic.” Most of us think of self-presentation as the management of behavior (both verbal and nonverbal) and appearance. We take care with what we say and how we say it. That means monitoring posture, gestures, facial expressions, tone of voice, and eye contact, as well as maintaining personal distance m<warningtag>.</warningtag>

The Interaction Game We Play

Material objects are important elements of this stagecraft. Participants feel themselves moving on and off stage, sometimes to its center and sometimes to its back and side regions. To be sure, clothing is one indicator of how we see ourselves, how we wish others to see us, and what we expect from the current situation. Hats, shoes, and jewelry have their effects. Errors in this self-presentation (perhaps a spot on our tie) can cause us to “lose face.” These concerns may not matter among people familiar with the other but they are paramount when initiating significant relationships.

The Impression Created By Material Objects 

Material objects are important elements of this stagecraft. Physical settings (compare a lawyer’s office to a gymnasium) facilitate certain kinds of activity and not others. The appearance, manner, and equipment of “staff” distinguish them from “clients.” Participants feel themselves moving on and off stage, sometimes to its center and sometimes to its back and side regions.To be sure, clothing is one indicator of how we see ourselves, how we wish others to see us, and what we expect from the current situation. Hats, shoes, and jewelry have their effects. Make-up can enhance appearance. As Goffman stresses, slips and errors in this self-presentation (perhaps a spot on our tie or a section of undyed hair) can cause us to “lose face.” These concerns may not matter among those who know each other well. They are paramount in occasions where people meet and initiate significant relationships.

People crave some reward-producing item in their hands, which they manipulate to move in and out of social situations. Most adults have some activity-linked object that serves both as focus and as social buffer. Similar to cigarettes, hugely popular half a century ago, cell phones are now used to symbolize the persona. Televisions and computers are critical. Consider knitting and other forms of needlework, crosswords and number puzzles,magazines and books, musical instruments, and cameras. All make plain that the user has something “going on,” or that they possess a certain interest or skill.

Using Objects To Symbolize Personality

No one should romanticize those bygone days, when cigarette smoke filled most interior spaces. Rather, my point is that people crave some reward-producing item in their hands, which they manipulate to move in and out of social situations. Less addicted to smoking than their antecedents, my students explain that cell phones now function in this way. “Checking one’s phone” gives the illusion of social connection (and importance), especially in face-to-face settings when interaction falters. Brands and models of phones have a certain cache. So does demonstrating how to obtain and use the various apps. Displaying screen content to another person is an opportunity for physical closeness. Oppositely, leaving a setting to respond to a message—by actual withdrawal or just by withdrawal from engagement—is accepted practice. In essence, the phone user makes clear that he or she is someone who has a set of concerns and relationships beyond the setting at hand. There are times to relinquish phones (weddings, sports practices, exams), but usually they allow one to be semi-involved.Setting these examples aside, most adults have some activity-linked object that serves both as focus and as social buffer. Televisions and computers are critical. Consider knitting and other forms of needlework, crosswords and number puzzles, magazines and books, musical instruments, and cameras. All make plain that the user has something “going on,” that they possess a certain interest or skill, and that other people should interrupt that user only with good cause.

What person does not possess treasured objects that link them to earlier life stages and to the people that shared those moments with them? Sometimes, these are simply records of what one has done (like an artist’s paintings). Others are public acknowledgments (like school trophies and merit badges). Most poignant are products of loved ones who have moved on to other life stages (like a small child’s drawings or old love letters) or to death itself (like cherished objects of ancestors).

The Past Recovered

A British television series, “The Repair Shop,” offers wonderful examples of the ways in which treasured objects forge ties between the generations. In every episode, someone who has lost touch with a loved one (often by death) brings a dilapidated item to the shop for repair, an item that was once important to that loved one’s life. Miraculously, the craftspeople restore it to some semblance of its former glory. Confronting the restoration, the owners feel reconnected to their ancestors. Joy and sadness combine.What person does not possess treasured objects that link them to earlier life stage<warningtag>s and to the people that shared those moments with them? Sometimes, these are simply records of what one has done (like an artist’s paintings). Others are public acknowledgments (like school trophies and merit badges). Most poignant are products of loved ones who have moved on to other life stages (like a small child’s drawings or old love letters) or to death itself (like cherished objects of ancestors).</warningtag><warningtag>Discovering an old baseball mitt or love-worn doll is not just an occasion for </warningtag><a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/memory"><warningtag>memory </warningtag></a><warningtag>, whether private or shared with others. Such events are confrontations with the fact that our lives extend well beyond the present; indeed, the present is only the moving edge of who we have been. As we age, the more profound those past events and relationships become.</warningtag>

Discovering an old baseball mitt or love-worn doll is not just an occasion for memory , whether private or shared with others. Such events are confrontations with the fact that our lives extend well beyond the present; indeed, the present is only the moving edge of who we have been. As we age, the more profound those past events and relationships become.

Extension Of Ourselves

Old possessions symbolize continuity and endurance. New ones shout possibility. In that spirit, we upgrade televisions, computers, and phones. We move to some place different or redecorate our current accommodations. We change our appearance. In a future-oriented society, all this seems right and proper. However easy or difficult those shifts may be, the issue is not so simple. Pointedly, by acquiring and using objects—that new cellphone, car, or pair of boots—we become the users of those items. Having worn social masks for most of our lifetime, the face beneath is pale and malleable

Future Commitments

Stated more simply, material possessions claim us just as we claim them. Much of life, or so it seems, involves mortgages and car payments, shopping excursions, and visits to repair shops. Old goods are abandoned; new ones acquired. We should remind ourselves that material things are more than tools, habitats, and conveyances; they are the circumstances of who we have been, are now, and will be. Being thoughtful about those circumstances is the challenge of modern living.

Souvenirs Of Our Values

Your stuff and habits says a lot more about you than you might have thought. Some food for thought. 

How do physical things facilitate interaction and support identity?

Personality Props: Material Objects and the Self

Your life is hard because you have made many mistakes in your life. Do not ignore those mistakes or let those mistakes go without taking any life lessons. When you will start taking your mistakes for life learning, Your attitude will become positive as well.

Getting Hard Huh....

Remember that it will change.Take it as a learning experience.Take it day by day.Practice Gratitude.Practice self-care.Learn acceptance.Take some time to relax.Talk it out.

When Life Gets Hard Remember that it will change. 

For most people, the point of life is to try to have a happy and satisfying existence and a life that fulfills our physical, emotional, and mental necessities. In the process, like on any journey, you walk, you fall, you pick yourself up, and do it again until you reach the end.2

Why Is Necessary.....

Get More Out Of LifeBe present. People say 'live in the moment' so much because it's important. ...Be grateful. If you really want to make the most of life, self-reflection is key. ...Exercise. ...Eat well. ...Become a morning person. ...10 years time. ...Be kind. ...Set yourself a challenge and stick to it.

How To Get Out Of This

habits

Habits

Why is everything hard

Pay attention to what your teen is saying, and try to understand not only the content, but also their view and their feelings.

1. Be a good listener

When you make eye-contact, you show interest and you are more likely to pay attention.

2. Make eye-contact

Be confident in what you want to say (what you want, need or feel) without being aggressive or passive.

3. Be assertive 

When you ask teens for their opinion, you make them feel valued and respected.

4. Get them involved (consider their opinion)

It is very important that your non-verbal communication matches what you are saying. And of course, lead by example.

5. Don’t send mixed messages

Regardless of what your teen is sharing, try to stay calm!

6. Stay calm

Adolescence is a transitional period from childhood into adulthood. It is a period of physical, cognitive, emotional, and social changes, that frequently result in confusion. As it is a period of self-discovery, it’s normal for teenagers to experiment with friendships, activities, substances, an ...

How To Talk With Your Teenager Effectively - 5 Helpful Tips

Are you having a hard time saying 'no' to things that you either didn’t want to do, or truly couldn’t doSo you either say 'yes' and end up feeling miserable for being a pushover; or you say 'no' and feel guilty about it.How do you say 'no' and not feel bad about saying it. First, understand why you feel bad turning someone down.<ul><li>Saying no may feel like you're rejecting the person</li><li>You may feel like the bad guy and feel guilty</li><li>People pleasing</li><li>You may feel you won't be liked or will be perceived as cold and uncaring. </li><li>If you do say no, you suck at it that it comes with so many excuses</li></ul>

How To Say 'No'

1. Just Say it.Just come out and say it. Beating around the bush or offering weak excuses will only give the other person a chance to insist. It will be tempting to follow up your no with excuses when you're uncomfortable,but resist the urge. You may only give a brief explanation if you feel you need to let the other person know. 2. Be polite but assertiveUse an approach that's polite but puts you in chargeYou can say, "I'm sorry I can't right now but I'll let you know when and if I can." By changing the dynamic you're telling people that only you can decide if and when it will happen.

So How Do You effectively say  'No'

3. Be wary of other people's tactics to get you to say 'yes'.Many people and organizations use manipulation techniques, knowingly or unknowingly: insurance, cable subscriptions etc4. Take the time to evaluate and understand your role in the relationship. When you truly understand the dynamic and your role, you won't feel as worried about the consequences and you would be able to find the best way to say no.

5. Put the question back on the person asking.This is very effective in a work situation. When a supervisor asks you to take on more than you can handle. You can say, "I'm happy to do task X, Y, and Z; however, I would need 3 weeks, rather than 2 to do a good job. How would you like me to prioritize them?"6. Do yourself a favor. Be firm and know their true colorsIf someone can't accept your 'no', take a hint and know that that person is probably not a true friend or doesn't respect you enough that they would put their needs before yours. Stand firm, and don't feel compelled to give in.

7. Identify YOUR own 'YES'When you say 'yes' to something you’re saying 'no' to something elseidentify the things in your life that you value most so when something comes along, you are more likely to honor the things most important to you and say 'no' to everything else. For example: My priorities:<ul><li>Time for myself — sleep, watching tv shows that light me up</li><li>Time with my husband and 2 cats— travels, eating together, doing nothing together</li><li>Getting my business up and running</li></ul>Being a pushover and saying yes to whatever other people ask me to do will leave me saying no to myself and my priorities.

8. Add some good vibes if you still find it hard to say noIt would take time to totally shake off the habit. Instead of saying 'no' right off the bat, it might be a lot easier to lead with good vibes or sandwich the 'no' between 2 good vibes.Leading with good vibes:“I would love to go to the movies with you guys but I can’t tonight.” The good vibes sandwhich(good vibes 1) I would love to go to the party with you guys(The 'No') but I can’t tonight (the 'No')(Good vibes 2) I hope you guys have a fun time, it’s suppose to be a beautiful night!” (good vibes)

The only way to get better at saying no, is to start saying no and to keep doing it. It gets easier over time.

Keep Saying 'No'. It Gets Easier

Learn to say no without explaining yourself. Check out the 7 steps to honoring your most important yes! Saying no isn't hard, it just takes practice.

timemanagement

Time Management

How to Say No, No Explaination

When you wake up in the morning, don’t jump out of bed for your workout immediately, or drag yourself to the washroom. Sit up straight, relax, and close your eyes. Say to yourself, “I am grateful for those who support me, believe in me, and are always there for me.” Say this with a deep breath in between each time you say it, for a full five minutes.
When you open your eyes and look at everything around you—keep that moment of gratitude with you, throughout your day, reminding yourself how you can’t wait to get home to your loving family.

Morning Gratitude

Begin your day by stretching with your family and doing some physical activity together. 
All you need is 10 minutes. You’ve accomplished a two-for-one: physical activity and family time!

Workout Partners

On your shared streaming service, make a playlist of your family’s favorite music. When you take a break at work or feel a negative moment getting the best of you, listen to that music, think about your family, and regain your focus. 
Music is a powerful voice and has the ability to affect our mindset. Your family playlist will energize you and improve your mood.

A Family Playlist

At least once a day, call or text your significant other or your kids and repeat Stevie Wonder: “I just called to say I love you, I just called to say how much I care.” 
Let your family know they are always in your thoughts. Even in the face of a big deadline or an important meeting, that moment will relax you and make your family smile!

Daily Phone Call

Discuss with your boss his/her expectations of you in regards to your time and your position to foster a mutual and clear understanding of your role. 
Should your role involve evening/weekend hours, and tasks such as answering emails, working from home, or extra time needed for special projects, establish a strategy and discuss with your boss how to meet these expectations so you don’t feel overwhelmed and pulled between your family and your job.

Clarify Your Work Hours & Expectations

It’s common for colleagues to hang out after work. Say yes when your significant other and/or kids are also busy. This will balance things out more. 
There are times to have beers with colleagues, but there are also times to go home, relax, watch a movie, and simply have fun with your family.

Socializing At Work

We all deal with a lot at work and at times might get irritated or annoyed. Remember you are a human being, not a robot, and thus it’s acceptable to have a buffer moment for these feelings. 
Take a deep breath, zone into your happy place that involves your family, think about how your energy can be used towards something else, and move on.

Buffer Moment

Allocate the last half-hour of your day to do the following and leave the office at 5:30/6:00 p.m.:<ul><li>For two minutes, take deep breaths, in and out, looking away from your desk, feeling the moment of gratitude you felt in the morning. </li><li>Organize your emails based on what is to be reviewed, what requires follow-up, and what needs a response after your breakfast/snack/meal. </li><li>Write out your to-do list, priorities, goals, and key items for the next day.</li><li>Double-check that you have a water bottle and healthy desk snacks.</li></ul>

Winding Up The Day

At the dinner table, leave your phone and turn off the TV. 
Focus on your family, not on work, and use this as a time to bring all your energy, your aura, and your being in the moment with the people who support and believe in what you do, and love you for the ability to do what you do.

Phone And TV-Free Dinner

Keep a two-week work diary: try to track every fifteen minutes of your work time. After that, analyze for, and attack, any inefficiencies! This will import balance in your day and yield a well-deserved coffee break, a breath of fresh air, and time to make your daily family phone call!Does email control you and take you away from your priority list, and thus your work-life balance? Organizational skills are an important factor in how you balance your day, affecting your work-life balance. Get organized and get happy! You'll find that work-life balance sooner than you think.

Your Work Journal

Balancing a career and family is a common concern for most individuals. However, it's important to realize the smallest of changes can produce the strongest of impacts.

productivity

Productivity

career

Career

10 Tips For Balancing Career And Family

Gratitude: A feeling of thankfulness among people which do increases the standard of living, feeling of belongingness and loving nature towards one another.Many people think that gratitude is just a feeling but I feel very happy to share tha it is not just feeling but has genetic bases behind it.

Genetic Bases Of Gratitude 

CD 38: Cluster of differentiation 38 geneThere are several genes responsible for Gratitude but CD 38 varient has major in expressing gratitude. Couples having a pirticular variant of CD 38 show 70% grattitude during day and other couples show 38% during the day suggesting that genes do have some role in expressing gratitude.

Genetic Bases of Gratitude 

COMT: catechol-O-methyltransferaseThis gene has two version a more greatful version of this gene makes people more greatful about a thing .A less greatfull verson in which person is negative biased and is not so greatful but this doesnot mean that you have to think bad about it. Those people have better memory and attention.

Genetic Bases of gratitude

<ol><li>Person has more grey matter in brain means more intelligent</li><li>Better peronality</li><li>Good and Health relations </li><li>Socialistic</li><li>Positive attitued</li><li>No Over thinking </li><li>Built a respect among peers because you are thankful to them</li><li>And Many more.....</li></ol>

Uses or Advantages of Gratitude

I am wanted to share this because people these days donot show grattitude so I thought to find some scientific reason behind it. I came up with something you love to read.. 🙂

If you have trouble with gratitude, you’re not alone. Luckily, there’s something you can do about it.

Why Is Gratitude So Hard for Some People?

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