In adolescence we spend the most time with our parents, siblings, and friends; as we enter adulthood we spend more time with co-workers, partners, and children; and in our later years, we spend an increasing amount of time alone.To understand how social connections evolve throughout our lives we look at survey data on how much time people spend with others, and who that time is spent with.

Who We Spend Time with Evolves Across Our Lifetimes

We often tend to look at the amount of time spent with others as a marker of social well-being, but the quality of time we spend with others matters even more for our feelings of connection and lonelinessData shows that as we become older we tend to spend more and more time alone.However, loneliness is not the same as feeling lonely.Surveys that ask people about living arrangements, time use, and feelings of loneliness find that solitude alone is not a good predictor of loneliness.

Older And Lonelier

Older people spend a large amount of time alone and it is understandable why – time spent alone increases with age because this is when health typically deteriorates and people lose relatives and friends.We often tend to look at the amount of time spent with others as a marker of social well-being; but the quality of time spent with others, and our expectations, matter even more for our feelings of connection and loneliness.

Taking Stock Of Life

personaldevelopment

Personal Development

loveandrelationships

Love & Relationships

Who do we spend time with across our lifetime?

Everyone is only interested in what they want, not what others want. So focus on the others perspective and their needs, so it becomes easy to handle them even for your purpose from them

Handling People

Criticising is makes opoose of people. Criticising makes people emotionally uncomfortable. You can't get anything by criticising. Either it will came back to you and you will suffer

Don't Criticise

Give a Genuine Interest in people. Listen to them when they communicate with you. This make them comfort to communicate with you, with that you can easily understand them and win their friendship

Listen To People

If you need anything from a person, first fullfill that person needs and you get the need from their. There is no such thing for "Something for Nothing

Give And Take

Do you feel stuck in life, not knowing how to make it more successful? Do you wish to become more popular? Are you craving to earn more? Do you wish to expand your horizon, earn new clients and win people over with your ideas? How to Win Friends and Influence People is a well-researched and comprehensive guide that will help you through these everyday problems and make success look easier. You can learn to expand your social circle, polish your skill set, find ways to put forward your thoughts more clearly, and build mental strength to counter all hurdles that you may come across on the path to success. Having helped millions of readers from the world over achieve their goals, the clearly listed techniques and principles will be the answers to all your questions.

Understand yourself and those around you.

psychology

Psychology

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Creativity

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Books

Updated for today’s readers, Dale Carnegie’s timeless bestseller How to Win Friends and Influence People is a classic that has improved and transformed the professional and personal and lives of millions. One of the best-known motivational guides in history, Dale Carnegie’s groundbreaking book has sold tens of millions of copies, been translated into almost every known language, and has helped countless people succeed. Originally published during the depths of the Great Depression—and equally valuable during booming economies or hard times—Carnegie’s rock-solid, time-tested advice has carried countless people up the ladder of success in their professional and personal lives. How to Win Friends and Influence People teaches you: -How to communicate effectively -How to make people like you -How to increase your ability to get things done -How to get others to see your side -How to become a more effective leader -How to successfully navigate almost any social situation -And so much more! Achieve your maximum potential with this updated version of a classic—a must-read for the 21st century.

Dale Carnegie was an American writer and lecturer, and the developer of courses in self-improvement, salesmanship, corporate training, public speaking, and interpersonal skills.

Dale Carnegie

How To Win Friends and Influence People

How to Win Friends and Influence People

In seeking to understand particular forms of human behaviour, especially social behaviour, it often pays to look for analogues elsewhere in the animal kingdom.Humans are capable of a seemingly infinite variety of individual behaviours, but our patterns of behaviour are constrained by the laws of economics and game theory.For a behavioural pattern to arise, it needs to be both economically productive and game-theoretically stable(or viable).

Understanding Social Behaviour

The clearest non-human analogue to social status is the dominance hierarchy found in many other social species including fish and insects.Sometimes these hierarchies are linear: alpha dominates beta, beta dominates gamma, and so on, as in the "pecking order" among chickens.Other times they're more despotic: when a lone alpha dominates all other members of the group.

Dominance

<ul><li>Dominance works by inspiring fear and other "avoidance" instincts so that low-status people try to steer clear of dominant individuals.</li><li>Prestige, on the other hand, inspires admiration and other “approach” instincts. People actively seek out prestigious individuals and enjoy spending time around them. </li><li>The perks of dominance are taken by force by the high-status (dominant) individual.</li><li>The perks of prestige are given to the low-level admirer.</li></ul>

Dominance Vs. Prestige

To understand dominance, we need to focus on high-status behaviours. To understand prestige, however, we must understand the low-status behaviour.There are two main instincts/behaviours that make up the prestige system: On the high-status side, we have prestige-seeking: striving to impress others. On the low-status side, we have admiration: celebrating or fawning over a prestigious individual.

The Evolution Of Prestige

Dominant individuals expect deference from others and treat it as their natural right. Prestigious individuals, on the other hand, often make an elaborate show of humility when accepting the deference of others. Performers bow as they're being applauded. Oscar-winners profusely thank their supporters. Lay people often blush and smile awkwardly when they're being celebrated, e.g., at a birthday party. To do otherwise — to act entitled to admiration — would risk alienating one's supporters.

Entitlement Vs Gratitude

<ul><li>Low-status admirers are attracted to their prestigious superiors and hope to spend more time around them, and their admiration, therefore, acts as a bribe.</li><li>Admirers, in other words, are sycophants. They pay respect to a prestigious individual in order to cultivate access to him.</li><li>Prestigious people are above all impressive.</li><li>We respect and admire people even when they're less skilled than we are, and when we're unlikely to learn from them.</li><li>If admiration were motivated by a desire to learn, teachers would be among the most prestigious members of society.</li></ul>

Admiration

The Arabian babbler is a small brown bird found in the arid brush of the Sinai Desert and the Arabian Peninsula.It lives in small groups of 3-20 members, defending a small territory of trees and shrubs that provide much-needed safety from predators.Babblers don’t just passively offer to help each other, they compete intensely for the privilege of doing so. They actively help one another and take risks for the benefit of the group.

The Behaviour Of The Arabian Babbler

<ul><li>We voluntarily follow our leaders because good things tend to happen when we do; it pays to be on their team.</li><li>Admiration and prestige-seeking, then, are teaming instincts.</li><li>Our ancestors lived in a semi-permanent "home base" that needed to be guarded collectively.</li><li>This is a prerequisite for the evolution of radical group-level cooperation.</li><li>Our ancestors gravitated toward prestige status because, once we learned to use tools as weapons, the dominance system completely collapsed.</li><li>Another possible explanation is that prestige acts as an indirect form of intimidation.</li></ul>

Being In The Team

artsandculture

Society, Arts & Culture

Social Status: Down the Rabbit Hole

Irritability is defined as a mood or state in which one has a heightened propensity to respond to frustrations, even small ones, with anger that is excessive given what might be expected in the situation.<ul><li>Irritation impacts us psychologically in a number of ways</li><li>It makes us more sensitive to small frustrations so we have a harder time shrugging them off or moving past them</li><li>This can make us distracted since our attention ends up being constantly redirected towards trivial incidents and remarks and away from important tasks or relationships</li></ul>

Defining Irritability

Irritability can be a hard mood to break out of because it often creates a negative feedback loop that is self-reinforcing in ways that can deepen its hold on our state of mind.It reinforces our negative mood such that we're much more likely to fixate on anything even mildly upsetting or annoying (we might even do so unconsciously as a way to validate our bad mood).Focusing on all these annoyances then fuels our irritability further, which in turn, focuses us even more intently on validating our irritable mood by continuing to scan our environment for external frustrations.

The Reason For Lingering Irritability

<ul><li>Bring it to their attention.</li><li>Tell them you're concerned because they seem to be in a bad mood more often than not, and they've been responding to you as if you're constantly annoying them.</li><li>Let them know how their mood has been impacting you.</li></ul>

What To Do If Your Loved One Suffers From Chronic Irritability

Ask them to consider trying one of the following techniques that have been shown to lower irritability:<ul><li>Gratitude exercises:</li></ul>Spend 10 minutes each morning journaling about three things for which they're grateful and why-what that thing means to them and why it makes them feel thankful<ul><li>Mindfulness meditation.</li><li>Reframe their mindset.</li><li>Change your perspective to take the sting out of an annoying/upsetting/frustrating situation.</li></ul>Acknowledge that you're asking them to do something that isn't so easy.

What To Advice Chronically Irritable People

mentalhealth

Mental Health

communication

Communication

Why are some people irritable all the time? And what can you do?

<ul><li>The first rule to follow when lending money to a family member: Assume they will never pay you back—and be OK with that.</li><li>And here's the first rule to follow when borrowing money from family: Pay them back.</li></ul>Money always seems to get uncomfortably personal; there's a power shift in the relationship: The lender becomes more powerful—you see yourself as more responsible. That puts the borrower in a one-down position, which can breed resentment.

Rules to follow when lending/borrowing money to family members

You are under no obligation to say yes on the spot when a family member asks for money—no matter how dire their situation is. <ul><li>Say, 'I would love to be able to help you. Let me think about whether this is best for me.' </li><li>Pause and reflect before answering. Taking even a few minutes gives you time to formulate key follow-up questions in your head. </li><li>You need to know how much they need, why they need it, and what their income expectations are now and for the future. </li><li>Get a sense of whether they can repay you and what their timeline is for that. </li><li>Then take two to three days to respond.</li></ul>

Take time to think about it

Before you get back to the borrower with an answer, you need to consult your partner or spouse if you have one, especially if the amount is substantial given your financial picture. As with all difficult subjects, open communication is key, particularly if your partner isn't as willing to write a check as you are. If your partner is simply not on board with the loan, the deal is off. Marriage is a financial partnership. The partner who doesn't want to lend likely has veto power.

Discuss it with your partner

<ul><li>Lending money is nearly always a bad idea. Anytime you can say no, do so. Even if the person pays you back, you've opened a door that will never close again. You become the bank—it changes how your relative looks at you and how you look at them.</li><li>The experts agree that there are two cases in which you should refuse: if you simply can't afford it, or if the person has a history of borrowing from you or others and not repaying. </li><li>You probably won't feel awesome after refusing the loan. Own those feelings. Then tell them, 'For me, right now, this is the best decision.'</li></ul>

Trust your gut if it’s telling you to say no

If you can't afford to help, say no. Your job is to make sure you're on track to achieve your own financial goals. No one will care more about your money than you.

Don't lend money you don't have

Focus on your loved one's underlying financial issue and see if you can help address it. Help them find the resources they need or create a budget. Addressing the underlying issue doesn't just benefit your cash-strapped family member. It also helps you, by ensuring they don't come knocking on your door in six months, looking for more money.

Do offer to help in other ways

Yes, "gift." There's no other way to look at it, agree McCoy, Castro, and Hendershott: When you lend money to someone—even your closest, most trustworthy sibling—you must assume they will never pay you back and make your peace with that. "It would be nice to think they can and will repay you, and lots of people do," says Castro. "But if you think of the money as a gift, you will be free of any resentment or weird feelings the next time you see them at a family party. It's better for you to continue in your life without holding a grudge."

Feel good about giving this gift

Just because potential lenders should think of the loan as a gift doesn't mean borrowers should treat it as such. When you ask someone you love and trust to give you their money, it's a sign of respect to present a thought-out repayment schedule. Have a real conversation about how the loan will get repaid and when. Once you start talking about money, it only takes about five minutes for the conversation to become less awkward, and you can talk about it like the numbers on paper that it really is.Putting the loan terms in writing can go far to promote peace of mind and reduce resentment.

If you’re hoping to borrow, come armed with a payback plan

Lending money to a relative does not give you a free pass to criticize their spending going forward. Let them be free to do whatever they want with the money, and don't judge them for it. You need to see that person on their own journey and bring compassion, love, and acceptance to the table.The best way to let go of toxic, judgmental feelings is to remind yourself you gave a gift, not a loan—even if it appears your child is blowing your "gift" on new shoes.

Withhold judgment

When you ask a family member for a loan, treat it as a loan. Adhere to the payback schedule. And if you can't, start looking at plan C (because borrowing from a family member was already plan B). Renegotiate the terms with your relative so you can keep your promise to pay. If that's not enough, get a part-time job, sell some physical belongings, ask for a raise. You'll be glad you did, for the sake of your relationship with your family—and your peace of mind.

Stick to the payback plan—or revise it if needed

Lending money to family (or friends who are like family) isn't easy. If you're going to share your money with your parents, siblings, children, or another family member, consider these tips for lending money to family to keep your relationship intact. Here's how to lend money to family without ruining your relationship(s).

moneyandinvestments

Money & Investments

habits

Habits

How to Lend Money to Family Without Ruining Your Relationship(s)

We live in a culture that likes idealism. We notice so much wrong with others, ourselves, the way things are. Little things such as the sound of a car horn or a lost set of keys remind us that idealism is impossible. Often, anger makes a lot of sense. Certain types of anger can be very useful as a source of insight when we've been wronged, when things are going poorly, when we want change. However, anger can also be a source of foolishness, miscalculation, regret, resentment, and detachment.

The good and bad of anger

We can be wronged in unjust ways, such as being targeted,  and in these cases, anger can be used to motivate us to stand up and defend ourselves. But, more often we are wronged in a way where anger will not help to correct or solve it. When we try to resist and reject any sort of softer acceptance and sadness in response to this, we can become hardened with a sort of brute and frequent anger and become numb and unfeeling.

Becoming hardened is unhelpful

Psychologist Magda Arnold developed the appraisal theory. It states that our emotional responses are mostly created by our conscious evaluations of events - how we view, interpret, and label stimuli. For example, if we believe cats are sweet and harmless, holding a particular cat will be a favourable emotional experience. But someone who believes cats threatening or devious, will likely have a negative experience. The responses are very different to the same stimulus.

Appraisal theory

When we are angered frequently or remain angered for long periods, there is an opportunity to switch our mental filter in favour of better, more productive experiences. For the stoics, events in the world are objective and neutral. Our emotional experiences are the product of the stories we tell ourselves. It can't hurt you unless you interpret what's happening as harmful. If we realise that the world has not singled us out, most people are trying their best, that ignorance is more often the reason than malice, we can realise that the situation is not worthy of being angry about.

Practical use of the appraisal theory

Learning how to think really means learning how to exercise some control over how and what you think. It means being conscious and aware enough to choose what you pay attention to and to choose how you construct meaning from experience. Because if you cannot or will not exercise this kind of choice in ... life, you will be totally hosed.

We should not live an agreeable life in which our anger is always denied of its expression. But when anger comes from a place that isn't angry about the thing we seem to be angry about, the anger is a liability, not an asset.  We should not think that we have personally been made victim by the world. When we are angry, all of this sounds nonsensical or impossible, but it is then that these ideas matter so much.

Controlling unhelpful anger

Thanks to Acorns for sponsoring! Click my link https://get.acorns.com/PursuitofWonder to get a $10 bonus investment when you sign up. T&C’s apply. There are so many good reasons to be angry, but there are so few good uses. In this video, we explore the reasons for frequent anger as well as how to potentially be it less through psychology and philosophy. Pursuit of Wonder books available here: Notes from the End of Everything: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B08D4VSD88 The Hidden Story of Every Person: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B095L8LP33 Guided writing journal here: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B09K1ZVMM8 (Also available to more international locations here: https://pursuitofwonder.com/store) Important Risk Disclosures: Investing involves risk including the loss of principal. Services offered by Acorns Advisers, LLC (“Acorns”), an SEC-registered investment advisor. Brokerage services are provided to clients of Acorns by Acorns Securities, LLC, an SEC-registered broker-dealer and member FINRA/SIPC. Please consider your objectives, risk tolerance, and Acorns’ fees before investing. https://www.finra.org/#/ https://www.sipc.org Special thank you to our very generous Patreon supporters: OnlineBookClub.org Zake Jajac Alan Stein Zinzan Heather Liu Siddharth Kothari Stanley Chan Dave Portnoy Jaad Van der Wee Justin Redenbaugh Fathy Abdalla Christian Villanueva George Leontowicz Kelly J. Rose Asael Ramirez Terry Gilmour Follow Pursuit of Wonder on: Instagram at: https://www.instagram.com/pursuitofwonder Facebook at: https://www.facebook.com/PursuitOfWonder

mindfulness

Mindfulness

videos

Videos

Thanks to Acorns for sponsoring! Click my link https://get.acorns.com/PursuitofWonder to get a $10 bonus investment when you sign up. T&C’s apply.

There are so many good reasons to be angry, but there are so few good uses. In this video, we explore the reasons for frequent anger as well as how to potentially be it less through psychology and philosophy. 

Pursuit of Wonder books available here: 
Notes from the End of Everything: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B08D4VSD88
The Hidden Story of Every Person: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B095L8LP33
Guided writing journal here: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B09K1ZVMM8
(Also available to more international locations here: https://pursuitofwonder.com/store)

Important Risk Disclosures: Investing involves risk including the loss of principal. Services offered by Acorns Advisers, LLC (“Acorns”), an SEC-registered investment advisor. Brokerage services are provided to clients of Acorns by Acorns Securities, LLC, an SEC-registered broker-dealer and member FINRA/SIPC. Please consider your objectives, risk tolerance, and Acorns’ fees before investing. https://www.finra.org/#/ https://www.sipc.org

Special thank you to our very generous Patreon supporters: 
OnlineBookClub.org
Zake Jajac
Alan Stein
Zinzan
Heather Liu
Siddharth Kothari
Stanley Chan
Dave Portnoy
Jaad Van der Wee
Justin Redenbaugh
Fathy Abdalla
Christian Villanueva
George Leontowicz
Kelly J. Rose
Asael Ramirez
Terry Gilmour

Follow Pursuit of Wonder on:
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Content that makes you curious, inspired, and feel good. 

Wonder is the feeling of curiosity and/or appreciation inspired by something that is beautiful or unfamiliar.  At Pursuit of Wonder, we produce content with the goal of creating that feeling. 

We cover a wide range of topics related to philosophy, science, literature, emotional and social well-being, and more using a variety of formats like video essays, short stories, guided experiences, and much more. 

For inquiries, email at: pursuit.wonder.media@gmail.com

Pursuit of Wonder

How To Remain Calm(er) With People - Psychology & Stoic Philosophy

We may feel lonely if we have no one to sit next to at lunch or when we move to a new city, or no one has time for us on the weekend.  However, the occasional feeling of loneliness has become chronic for millions over the last few decades. While we live in the most connected time in history, we feel the most isolated. In the US, 46% of the population feel lonely regularly. In the UK, 60% of 18 - 34-year-olds often feel lonely.

Everybody feels lonely from time to time

Loneliness is a subjective individual experience. You can be surrounded by people yet feel lonely. If you feel lonely, you are lonely.Loneliness can affect everybody, regardless of money, fame, power, beauty, social skills, a great personality.Loneliness is part of your biology, just like hunger. Hunger make you pay attention to your physical needs; loneliness makes you pay attention to your social needs. So loneliness is an early warning system to ensure you stop behaviour that would isolate you.

Why loneliness is painful

During the Renaissance, Western culture turned its focus away from collectivism to the individual. The Protestant theology further stressed individual responsibility. During the Industrial Revolution, people left their villages and fields to enter factories. As a result, stable communities started to dissolve while cities grew. This trend sped up more and more, and today, we move great distances for new jobs, love, and education while leaving our social net behind.

The start of the loneliness epidemic

Today, we meet fewer people in person and less often. In the US, the mean number of close friends dropped from 3 in 1985 to 2 in 2011. Most people become lonely because they become too busy with work, university, romance, kids, Netflix. Then it's easy to sacrifice time with friends until you wake up one day and discover you feel isolated and desire close relationships.

Sacrificing friends

Studies found that the stress that comes from chronic loneliness is the most unhealthy thing we can experience. When you feel lonely, you become worse at interpreting social signals and understand people less. Your brain starts to become out of tune with recognising faces and categorising neutral faces as hostile, making you become distrustful of others. You assume the worst about others, become more self-centred to protect yourself and appear more cold and unfriendly than you are.

Chronic loneliness is unhealthy

Try to recognise the vicious cycle you may be trapped in.  <ul><li>Accept that loneliness is a normal feeling. Everybody feels lonely at some point.</li><li>Examine what you focus your attention on. Check if you selectively focus on negative things. </li><li>Are you assuming the worst about others' intentions? When you enter a social situation, have you already decided how it will go? Do you assume others don't want you around?</li><li>Can you give others the benefit of the doubt?</li><li>Can you risk being open and vulnerable again?</li><li>Do you avoid being around others to protect yourself?</li><li>Have you become complacent with your situation?</li></ul>

Notice the vicious cycle you're stuck in

<ul><li>Try to reach out to someone today regardless of whether you feel a little lonely or want to make someone else's day better. Maybe it's a friend you haven't spoken to in a while. Call a family member who has become estranged.</li><li>Invite a work colleague for a coffee.</li><li>Go to something you are usually too afraid to go to, such as a sports club.</li><li>Don't go with any expectations. The goal is to open up a bit to exercise your connection muscles or help others exercise theirs.</li><li>If you feel unable to solve your situation yourself, please reach out and get professional help.</li></ul>

How to escape chronic loneliness

Everybody feels lonely sometimes. But only few of us are aware how important this feeling was for our ancestors - and that our modern world can turn it into something that really hurts us. Why do we feel this way and what can we do about it? Sources: https://sites.google.com/view/sourcesloneliness/startseite Books mentioned in the endcard: 'Emotional First Aid' by Guy Winch https://www.amazon.com/Emotional-First-Aid-Rejection-Everyday/dp/0142181072/ 'Loneliness' by John Cacioppo & William Patrick https://www.amazon.com/Loneliness-Human-Nature-Social-Connection/dp/0393335283/ OUR CHANNELS ▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀ German Channel: https://kgs.link/youtubeDE Spanish Channel: https://kgs.link/youtubeES HOW CAN YOU SUPPORT US? ▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀ This is how we make our living and it would be a pleasure if you support us! Get Merch designed with ❤ from https://kgs.link/shop Join the Patreon Bird Army 🐧 https://kgs.link/patreon DISCUSSIONS & SOCIAL MEDIA ▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀ Reddit: https://kgs.link/reddit Instagram: https://kgs.link/instagram Twitter: https://kgs.link/twitter Facebook: https://kgs.link/facebook Discord: https://kgs.link/discord Newsletter: https://kgs.link/newsletter OUR VOICE ▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀ The Kurzgesagt voice is from Steve Taylor: https://kgs.link/youtube-voice OUR MUSIC ♬♪ ▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀ 700+ minutes of Kurzgesagt Soundtracks by Epic Mountain: Spotify: https://kgs.link/music-spotify Soundcloud: https://kgs.link/music-soundcloud Bandcamp: https://kgs.link/music-bandcamp Youtube: https://kgs.link/music-youtube Facebook: https://kgs.link/music-facebook The Soundtrack of this video: Soundcloud: https://bit.ly/2X3Qezs Bandcamp: https://bit.ly/2tlrWU3 Youtube: https://bit.ly/2CZ6PeN Facebook: http://bit.ly/2qW6bY4 🐦🐧🐤 PATREON BIRD ARMY 🐤🐧🐦 ▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀ Many Thanks to our wonderful Patreons from http://kgs.link/patreon who support us every month and made this video possible: Aleksandra Przytuła, Jemma, Will, 士誠 劉, Vincent Boucart, Tea4ever, Thomas Hogdahl, Gaurav Mathur, Andy Matthews, Tom Ingleby, Phil Crawford, Dannythetwo, Carl Canova, Martin Anderson, Mathieu Langis, tineeetim, Jeongmin Bae, Jarno Verhoofstad, Thomas Auberson, Ethan DeKelver, Enis Zeyrek, Dennis Værum, Matt Miller, Sasha Mamzelev, Dunkel, kartacha, Daniel Miller, Joshua Brost, Kyle Ivin, Erich Onzik, Allison McCarthy, Dejan Cencelj, Bogdan DANCU, Peter Cornell, Francesco Rossetto, Michael Mutarelli, Edward DeCook, Yashasvi Singh, Austin Gilstrap-Turner, Josie Xu, NorgTheSupporter, Carmine D'Amico, Ann Poplick, Ingrid Wong, Andrés Help us caption & translate this video! https://www.youtube.com/timedtext_cs_panel?c=UCsXVk37bltHxD1rDPwtNM8Q&tab=2

Everybody feels lonely sometimes. But only few of us are aware how important this feeling was for our ancestors - and that our modern world can turn it into something that really hurts us. Why do we feel this way and what can we do about it?

Sources:
https://sites.google.com/view/sourcesloneliness/startseite

Books mentioned in the endcard:
'Emotional First Aid' by Guy Winch
https://www.amazon.com/Emotional-First-Aid-Rejection-Everyday/dp/0142181072/
'Loneliness' by John Cacioppo & William Patrick
https://www.amazon.com/Loneliness-Human-Nature-Social-Connection/dp/0393335283/


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Animation videos explaining things with optimistic nihilism since 12,013.

We’re a team of illustrators, animators, number crunchers and one dog who aim to spark curiosity about science and the world we live in. To us nothing is boring if you tell a good story.

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Kurzgesagt – In a Nutshell

Loneliness

The original MSS, published in 2006 by Cara Nicol, was a 56-item questionnaire designed to measure varying degrees of "self-determined solitude" (SDS) and "not self-determined solitude" (NSDS) on a four-point scale.The prompt question for MSS survey takers: "When I spend time alone, I do so because…” For their most recent (2019) survey, Thomas and Azmitia used a truncated version that consisted of a 14-item questionnaire.

The Motivation for Solitude Scale (MSS)

<ol><li>It sparks my creativity. </li><li>I enjoy the quiet.</li><li>Being alone helps me get in touch with my spirituality. </li><li>It helps me stay in touch with my feelings.</li><li>I value the privacy.</li><li>I can engage in activities that really interest me.</li><li>It helps me gain insight into why I do the things I do.</li><li>I feel energized when I spend time by myself.</li><li>I feel anxious when I'm with others.</li><li>I don't feel liked when I'm with others.</li><li>I can't be myself around others.</li><li>I regret things I say or do when I'm with others.</li><li>I feel uncomfortable when I'm with others.</li><li>I feel like I don't belong when I'm with others.</li></ol>

“When I Spend Time Alone, I Do So Because..." - 14 Reasons Why

<ol><li>It sparks my creativity. </li><li>I enjoy the quiet.</li><li>Being alone helps me get in touch with my spirituality. </li><li>It helps me stay in touch with my feelings.</li><li>I value the privacy.</li><li>I can engage in activities that really interest me.</li><li>It helps me gain insight into why I do the things I do.</li><li>I feel energized when I spend time by myself.</li></ol>

The 8 Self-Determined Reasons Why

<ol><li>I feel anxious when I'm with others.</li><li>I don't feel liked when I'm with others.</li><li>I can't be myself around others.</li><li>I regret things I say or do when I'm with others.</li><li>I feel uncomfortable when I'm with others.</li><li>I feel like I don't belong when I'm with others.</li></ol>

The 6 Not Self-Determined Reasons Why

The researchers found that people who choose to spend time alone for mostly positive, "self-determined" reasons are at a much lower risk of viewing solitude as “social isolation” or suffering the negative consequences associated with feelings of loneliness than those who seek alone time for the predominately "not self-determined" reasons reflected in questions 9-14 in the survey above.

The Survey’s Main Takeaway

When it comes to motivations for seeking solitude, the key factors in the equation are choice and an individual's positive or negative motivation for wanting to be alone. Those who choose to be "let alone" probably know what’s best for their psychological, creative, and spiritual well-being. Conversely, those who have negative motivations for seeking solitude (e.g., social anxiety) often find themselves isolated in ways that are linked to loneliness, dysphoria, or depression.

There Can Be Choice And Motivation In Solitude

Depending on someone’s reasons for wanting to be alone, the Motivation for Solitude Scale (MSS) shows that alone time can have countless potential upsides. Seeking solitude is not necessarily a red flag that something is wrong. According to the researchers, choosing solitude can help people flourish by facilitating self-acceptance, personal growth, creative expression, and spiritual connectedness.

There Is Solitude Sought And Solitude Forced

Virginia Thomas, currently an assistant professor of psychology, conducted this research when she was a graduate student. "We got clear results that are pretty reliable indicators of adaptive versus maladaptive solitude," she said in a statement. "These results increase our awareness that being alone can be restorative and a positive thing. The question is how to be alone without feeling like we're missing out. For many people, solitude is like exercising a muscle they've never used. You have to develop it, flex it, and learn to use time alone to your benefit."

For Many, Solitude Is A Muscle That Has Never Been Used

"Solitude serves the same positive functions in introverts and extroverts. Introverts just need more of it," Thomas said. "Our culture is pretty biased toward exyroversion. When we see any sign of shyness or introversion in children, we worry they won't be popular. But we overlook plenty of well-adjusted teens and young adults who are perfectly happy when alone, and who benefit from their solitude." The researchers encourage parents to appreciate the often undervalued potential benefits of alone time for their children.

Do Introverts and Extroverts Respond Differently to Solitude? 

"Solitude has gotten a lot of bad press, especially for adolescents who get labeled as social misfits or lonely," senior author Margarita Azmitia, professor of psychology at the University of California, Santa Cruz, said in a statement. "There's a stigma for kids who spend time alone. They're considered lacking in social skills, or they get labeled 'loners.’ It's beneficial to know when you need to be alone and when you need to be with others. This study quantifies the benefits of solitude and distinguishes it from the costs of loneliness or isolation."

What About Adolescents And Solitude?

Recently published research (Uziel & Schmidt-Barad, 2022) highlights how being able to choose when we spend time with others or spend time alone increases happiness. On the flip side, being forced to socialize or not being able to choose "self-determined solitude" makes people unhappy.

Forced Company Really Does Make Us Unhappy

During the 10-day study that mimicked real-life social dynamics, participants were exposed to 4 different settings: 1) choosing to be alone, 2) choosing to be with others, 3) forced (no choice) time with others, and 4) forced (no choice) alone time. Notably, the researchers found that being with others by choice had the strongest, most positive effect on feelings of happiness and episodic subjective well-being (ESWB). However, on the opposite end of the spectrum, being with others not by one's choice had the most significant negative impact on ESWB.

The “Choice Matters More with Others” Study

Although this study didn't look at the impact of mandated Covid-19 lockdowns, one could speculate that the loss of choice made it harder for even the most gregarious and extraverted among us to enjoy being surrounded by housemates or family members 24/7. Stay-at-home orders also took away the "self-determined" aspects of SDS. Forced social isolation can quickly start to feel closer to solitary confinement when being alone isn't within your locus of control.

Covid-19 And The Loss Of Choice

"In terms of our momentary experiences, sensing that we are in the company of others by choice is associated with the greatest boost to our well-being, sense of meaning, and control," Liad Uziel and Tomer Schmidt-Barad write in their paper's abstract."Aloneness (by choice and not) emerged as a setting of relative stability, with participants experiencing their different alone conditions quite similarly," they add. According to the authors, solitude is a predictable experience that can be a "source of personal growth" that boosts happiness and well-being if alone time is utilized effectively.

Togetherness And Aloneness: To Each His Own

“I never said, ‘I want to be alone.’ I only said, ‘I want to be let alone!’ There is all the difference.”

Being with others only makes us happy if we do it by choice; when choice is taken away, whether we are social butterflies or lone-wolfs, extraverts or introverts, matters little to our happiness; togetherness and aloneness can make us equally unhappy. Let’s choose what we need to be happy.

A new 14-item questionnaire gauges various motivations for seeking solitude.

motivationandinspiration

Motivation & Inspiration

Why Loners Love Being Alone & Why Being Forced to Socialize Makes Many of Us Unhappy

Dating and starting a business aren't that different. The most important thing in both is making authentic connections. Whether you are looking to close a date or a sale, here are five tips from my love guru mom that can help your business grow into something long-lasting.

Dating Vs Starting a Business 

The statistics on co-founder relationships aren't great. Almost half end within four years. Narrowing down the right partnership was mostly about asking the right questions. When making reference calls for potential co-founders,  skip the former co-workers and talk to their brothers and sisters instead. The success of our business would not depend on great coding skills, but on who the person was at their core.

Dating Your Co-Founder

The best conversations in dating weren't factual (conveying information), but emotional (conveying authenticity).As in relationships, vulnerability was critical. Get real with investors about the struggles of raising funds via Zoom during a pandemic. Instead of talking about accomplishments, share failures.

Dating Investors

When you log on to Zoom, most people are not thinking about settings or how buttons feel where they are. They're thinking about meeting someone new, making a good impression, and building relationships. Some of the best product designers don't design nitty-gritty elements. Instead, they talk about the emotional journey of a user. Great dates don't talk about their hobbies or where they went to college. Instead, they make the other person feel seen. That might mean expressing curiosity in someone's experience growing up in a small town, or gratitude that they chose a restaurant close to you.

Dating Your Product

As you are brainstorming product features, try to focus on how the end-user will feel navigating it and let that be your guide. All of our new features start with a user journey for how we intend to make someone feel. The result is a stronger user experience.

Better User Experience

Just like any budding romance, you want to put your best foot forward by coming prepared. How do you do that efficiently when you're scheduled in back-to-back sales meetings? For a romantic introduction, a matchmaker might hand you a quick summary before your first date. Getting the facts early gives you time to think about who they are and what they might resonate with.

Dating Your Sales Prospect

Why do most people go on first dates? Not to impress someone the most they've ever been impressed, take them to the fanciest dinner, or land the first kiss. Ideally, it's to lay the foundation for a mutually beneficial relationship.The most important thing about "dating for business" is that laying the foundation for a long-term relationship always wins out.  You never know if the person you're meeting will become your next co-founder, hire, or your best friend's future partner. And just like in dating, if you focus on building a relationship, then everything else will be far more fruitful.

People First

The most important thing in both is making authentic connections

Discover the world of business and economics.

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Economics

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Product & Design

What  Do Dating and Starting A Business Have in Common? Ask A Professional Matchmaker

Most of us go through things in life that we almost always rarely share with our workmates and often just opt to fake a smile and say "I'm fine" in order to avoid talking about the subject.However, the first step to increasing job satisfaction and supporting our mental health we have to open up. Vulnerability is scary, but being able to talk about something that matters to you will most certainly lift a burden off of our shoulders.

Approaching Emotional Conversations in the Workplace

When we check up on our colleague and ask how we're doing, how sincere are we when asking? It's likely that we do care with a certain percentage but not 100%. It's important that we learn proper supportive language because it is how we respond to what they tell us is that makes the largest impact on the conversation.

How Leaders Should Approach Emotional Conversations

<ul><li>“What do you have to be sad about?” or “You shouldn’t be sad, you have an excellent job/family/etc.” — This is dismissive phrasing</li><li>“Everyone feels like that sometimes” to “There’s nothing to worry about.” — This is minimization</li><li>“Hey, it could be worse!” or “That’s just a ‘first-world problem.’” — This is what negation sounds like</li><li>“You shouldn’t worry” or “You just need to get more sleep.” — Prescribing solutions aren't the way to go; and</li><li>“Just look at the bright side!” or “Everything happens for a reason!” — Positivity can become unproductive when it's the only option offered</li></ul>

Emotionally dismissive language sounds like...

<ul><li>"I can see why this is exhausting" or "I believe you" — words of validation during a difficult time can bring comfort</li><li>"Tell me more about that" — shows that we seek to understand, we care, and that we want to learn more so we can try to do more for them</li><li>"How can I best support you right now?" "Would X be helpful?" — When asking them or suggesting a way to support them can make the process of handling easier</li><li>"Thank you for telling me this and I appreciate that you allowed yourself to be vulnerable to me" — This enforces a sense of security they could be needing</li></ul>

Emotionally supportive language sounds like...

As we continue into the new chapters of navigating constant uncertainty, do you want to be the leader who adds to the weight or the one who makes it a little lighter?

As I go through a period of uncertainty in my life, I want to share how I have emotional conversations in the workplace. 

Even well-meaning bosses can inadvertently dismiss their employees’ feelings.

leadershipandmanagement

Leadership & Management

How Supportive Leaders Approach Emotional Conversations

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