In an experiment, respondents were given two scenarios: How much were they willing to pay for<ul><li> a 24-piece luxury dinner set in good condition</li><li>a 40-piece dinnerware set, where some items were broken.</li></ul>The respondents were willing to spend twice as much for the 24-piece set even though the 40-piece set still had more pieces. This effect is known as the dilution bias, where the broken items dilute the overall perceived value. This cognitive effect has important implications for our ability to be heard and listened to when we speak.

The dilution effect

Far too often, people speak up but fail to influence. Their message was sound, but their delivery was faulty.
Our minds use two types of information:
<ul>
<li>diagnostic (relevant information) and</li>
<li>nondiagnostic (irrelevant or inconsequential information).</li>
</ul>
When the two categories of information are mixed, dilution occurs.
When you introduce irrelevant or weak arguments, you will reduce the importance of your overall argument.

Quality trumps quantity

When you communicate for influence, increasing the number of arguments actively weakens your case. You cannot increase the quality of an argument by increasing the quantity of your argument.   Instead, focus only on your strong arguments.

Strengthen your argument

What's the best way to make a good point? Organizational psychologist Niro Sivanathan offers a fascinating lesson on the "dilution effect," a cognitive quirk that weakens our strongest cases -- and reveals why brevity is the true soul of persuasion.

Understand yourself and those around you.

psychology

Psychology

personaldevelopment

Personal Development

communication

Communication

The counterintuitive way to be more persuasive

Our ability to follow through on our best intentions, such as getting into a new habit or changing our behaviour, doesn't depend on our reasons or our convictions that we should do it. It doesn't rely on our willpower or knowing the benefits of a particular behaviour. All it requires is to show up consistently, even if you do it poorly.

Show up

Motivation comes and goes. When motivation wanes, we tend to follow the path of least effort. However, new behaviours need lots of effort. This is because we find change really hard. The harder something is to do, the more motivation we need. To help start a new habit, you'd have to be willing to be bad at it. Strip the thing you want to do into something so easy you could do it every day. It might mean going for a one-minute run or eating one piece of lettuce on your sandwich. You will start feeling a natural desire to do more when you  consistently keep at it.

Better-than-nothing behaviour

When we get started on a new habit, we're creating a neural pathway in our brain for a new habit, making it likely to succeed in something more involved later on. But be aware, the moment you think you "should" do more is the moment you introduce force and negotiation. So the moment it requires more motivation, you might fail. The whole idea behind the better-than-nothing habit is that you only need to do a little consistently to become better than your previous self.

Taking the first step

You know how resolutions often go: you set a goal and start strong ... then the motivation runs out and feelings of frustration and shame creep in. The struggle is real -- but what if it doesn't have to be? Sociologist Christine Carter shares a simple step to shift your mindset and keep you on track to achieving your grandest ambitions.

motivationandinspiration

Motivation & Inspiration

habits

Habits

The 1-minute secret to forming a new habit

Parents want what is best for their children. Many parenting books promise to reveal how to achieve the best outcomes. The constant message is that if your child isn't succeeding, you're doing something wrong.  However, science supports a different message.

Good parenting, bad parenting

Children are not just shaped by the power of parenting. Children are also shaped by forces like genes, peers, and the culture children grow up in.  This can make it difficult to know which forces influence who children become. Just because we care about parenting or feel confident about it doesn't mean we understand it.

We don't understand how parenting works

Children that are raised in the same house are not noticeably more alike in how successful they are or how happy or self-reliant they are. One child might find structure in the house helpful. Her sister might find it stifling. One child might think his parents are caring for asking questions. His brother might view it as nosy. But just because an event doesn't shape people in the same way doesn't mean it has no effect. Your parenting does shape your children, just not in ways that lead them to be the same.

Parents don't shape their children

Though many of us take pride in how different we are from our parents, we are endlessly sad at how different our children are from us.

<ul><li>Parents do matter. But how they matter is complex and difficult to predict. </li><li>For any parent, stop blaming yourself. You are not that in control of your child's path. You have influence, but you don't have control. For anyone who has ever been a child, stop blaming your parents. Stop blaming other parents.</li><li>Appreciate how powerful the moments can be because of what they mean for you and your child right now, not because of what they mean for your child in the long term.</li><li>We can be less sad if we are more realistic and let go of the idea that our children's futures are in our control.</li></ul>

Take away thoughts on parenting

Understanding the science of parents and children can free people to focus on what is meaningful. It can make the experience of being a parent and having been a child more realistic and satisfying.

Parents, take a deep breath: how your kids turn out isn't fully on you. Of course, parenting plays an important role in shaping who children become, but psychologist Yuko Munakata offers an alternative, research-backed reality that highlights how it's just one of many factors that influence the chaotic complexity of childhood development. A rethink for anyone wondering what made them who they are today and what it means to be a good parent.

parenting

Parenting

The science behind how parents affect child development

When confronted with information that challenges our worldview, we tend to close up. However, we can learn with the right tools and techniques, not looking for victory but moving the dialogue forward.

Constructive conversations move forward

At least one party in the conversation should be open to the idea that the discussion is a climbing wall, not a clash. The point of a curiosity conversation is to understand the other person's perspective. Next time someone says something you immediately disagree with, say, "I never thought of it that way before. What can you share that would help me see what you see?" When you do this, people tend to become curious about you.

Choose curiosity over clash

A constructive conversation is a series of presenting an idea, getting your idea attacked, you adapt and re-explain. The expectation is that your idea gets better when it is challenged and criticised. Successful negotiators from high-stakes international negotiations go into conversations expecting to learn from the challenges they'll receive and use objections to refine their proposals.

Develop ideas through discussion

In some situations, it can feel like the discussion is not worth it. That is often because the purpose of the discussion isn't clear. In that case, it helps to start with the big picture before moving to the details. Consider asking your counterpart to describe what kind of neighbourhood, country, world, community they want a year or a decade from now. This opens up the opportunity for a conversation with a purpose.

Find a common purpose

"We need to figure out how we go into conversations not looking for the victory, but the progress," says world debate champion Julia Dhar. In this practical talk, she shares three essential features of productive disagreements grounded in curiosity and purpose. The end result? Constructive conversations that sharpen your argument and strengthen your relationships.

How to have constructive conversations

At some point in our lives, we may just feel "meh", not depressed, but not good, not burned out, but not fired up. When you're languishing, you have a feeling of emptiness, stagnation and listlessness. Languishing is part of the human condition. It can disrupt your focus and interfere with your motivation. You may feel indifferent to being indifferent, meaning you don't seek help and might do nothing to help yourself.

Languishing

Researchers found that the best predictor of well-being is not optimism - it is flow. Flow is the state of being absorbed in the present. For example, it might be cooking or running or gardening where you lose track of time and your sense of self.Bingeing is a temporary escape from languishing. You might love hanging out with the characters in a show, but they don't even know you exist. So, bingeing is passive engagement in a fictional world. Conversely, peak flow depends on active participation in the real world. Peak flow is capable of moving us out of the slump.

Bingeing vs peak flow

<ol><li>Mastery. Psychologists find that a sense of progress helps us feel motivated and joyful. Even small wins can make us feel motivated. </li><li>Mindfulness - Focusing your full attention on one task. When we task switch every 10 minutes, we lose focus. If we want flow,  we need to treasure uninterrupted blocks of time.</li><li>Mattering. It is knowing that you make a difference to other people. A peak moment of flow can be making the time to have fun with the people we love.</li></ol>

Three conditions of peak flow

This Ted talk helps to understand that "meh" feeling and how to get out of the slump.

Have you found yourself staying up late, joylessly bingeing TV shows and doomscrolling through the news, or simply navigating your day uninspired and aimless? Chances are you're languishing, says organizational psychologist Adam Grant -- a psychic malaise that has become all too common after many months of the pandemic. He breaks down the key indicators of languishing and presents three ways to escape that "meh" feeling and start finding your flow.

productivity

Productivity

How to stop languishing and start finding flow

Thanks to scientists, we know how important the first five years are for your health, development, and brain. After the first year, the babies brain is almost double in volume. By age seven, it's nearly 90 percent the volume of an adult brain. Young brains can create practically one million neural connections every second. Healthy development depends on these five things:<ol><li>Connection</li><li>Talking</li><li>Playing</li><li>A healthy home</li><li>Community</li></ol>

A child's most important needs 

Adults can make a huge difference by connecting, talking and playing with children early and often. Every time you talk to children, play with them, make them laugh, you teach and build their relationship skills and mental health. <ul><li>Copycat games build imagination and empathy.</li><li>Naming games build vocabulary and attention.</li><li>Games like peekaboo build memory and trust.</li></ul>

Make a difference with serve-and-return

"What if I was to tell you that a game of peek-a-boo could change the world?" asks seven-year-old Molly Wright, one of the youngest-ever TED speakers. Breaking down the research-backed ways parents and caregivers can support children's healthy brain development, Wright highlights the benefits of play on lifelong learning, behavior and well-being, sharing effective strategies to help all kids thrive by the age of five. She's joined onstage by one-year-old Ari and his dad, Amarjot, who help illustrate her big ideas about brain science. (This TED Talk was produced in collaboration with Minderoo Foundation as an educational tool for parents and caregivers around the world and is supported by UNICEF.)

scienceandnature

Science & Nature

How every child can thrive by five

If you want to reach your biggest goals in the coming year, start with a mental readjustment in four key areas: your relationships with other people, your relationship with your circumstances, your relationship with time, and your relationship with yourself. When people are blocked from reaching for their goals or even setting big goals in the first place, one or more of these relationships is almost always the reason.

Reach your biggest goals

Whatever you do, if someone in your life or work has a limiting view of you or your abilities, don't let that limiting view bleed into your own view of yourself.<ul><li>If a relationship with another person (your boss, a co-worker for example) is blocking you from reaching your goals, you can work on changing that person's perceptions, making sure they know just what you can do and how much your work can benefit them. That may help them rethink the relationship and see you in a new way.</li><li>If not, it may be time for you to rethink the relationship whether it's time to move on to another one. </li></ul>

Rethink your relationships with others

Sometimes your external circumstances may prevent you from going after your goals. For example, if for some reason, you really need to quit the job you have in order to go after the career you really want, and your circumstances are that you just can't afford to do that. Only you can determine whether you truly are bound by your circumstances. Ask yourself some what-if questions. What if this circumstance could be changed in this way? What if you could ask someone for help with part of it? What if there is a way to turn this circumstance to your advantage?

Rethink your relationship with your circumstances

People just use the excuse, 'I'm too busy. I don't have the time.' If you want something, you have to reprioritize what you're doing so you have time for it.We all have a limited amount of time on this planet, let alone in our workweek. So if you can't find the time for something that you truly care about, you should reexamine your priorities. Figure out if any of the things you spend time on could be reduced or eliminated. And make a date with yourself--write it in your calendar--to set aside time for whatever it is you want to make sure to do.

Rethink your relationship with time

Your own beliefs could be stopping you from reaching your biggest goals. A limiting view of your own capabilities could rob you of the success you deserve. If your beliefs are holding you back, how do you change that? Sometimes, you need outside help. Get yourself a counselor, a coach, a trainer, a mentor. Someone who can help you see what you cannot see yourself, someone you're willing to listen to."

Rethink your relationship with yourself

Most people face at least one of these obstacles. Here's how to clear them away.

career

Career

This 4-Step Plan Will Help You Reach Your Most Ambitious Goals in 2022

Although talent feels and looks predestined, in fact we have a good deal of control over what skills we develop, and we have more potential than we might ever presume to guess.

Where you end up in your field, whether it's sports, arts, or business, is not a result of your genes and your environment.  Although talent feels and looks predestined, we have more control over what skills we develop and more potential than we might ever imagine.

Your talent is yours to code

When we hear of 'muscle memory,' it really describes our brain's neurological circuitry. The brain circuits are connected and insulated by a substance called myelin. When we practice or engage in any skill, we stimulate myelin growth. Talent is the result of deep practice. The best way to learn is with deliberate practice where you push yourself to the edge constantly. The more you practice deliberately, the faster and better you learn

Mastery is about deep practice

Choose one goal beyond your present abilities.<ol><li>Chunk it up: Break the thing you're trying to master down into chunks and master them one by one, then put them back together.</li><li>Repetition: Repeat skills slowly and ensure to do them properly. Mistakes show a lack of competence in that area and should be viewed as an opportunity to improve. Repetition of mistakes will train the mistakes.</li><li>Feel the struggle: Pick a target, reach for it, and adjust as you go. </li></ol>

The rules of deep practice

The tactical approach towards skill-building is only one part. The other is the student's attitude towards their first lesson or experience. Three key factors fuel motivation and the love for the craft:<ul><li>Psychological identity: If one already possess the identity "I am a musician" from the start, they are more likely to take the actions needed to make that happen.</li><li>Long-term focus: A study of musicians showed that students who came to their first lesson with a long-term commitment outperformed those with a short-term commitment by 400%.</li><li>Emotional attachment.</li></ul>

Ignition - sparking your initial motivation

Very few people can develop their talents by themselves. Everyone has teachers or coaches who train, motivate, teach and inspire.<ul><li>The best teachers are able to understand each student as an individual and customise their training to fit each student's requirements.</li><li>The teacher must be an example of what they're teaching, not saying one thing and demonstrating another.</li><li>The mentor-student relationship is a complex feedback loop. Top coaches continually observe what is working and readjust their own approach.</li><li>Trust: The student must be able to trust their teachers both for competence and integrity.</li></ul>

Coaching

Talent is the result of deep practice. In his book, Daniel Coyle looks at extraordinary performers, shows what made them great and give insights into true mastery.

This book shows you how to grow talent by tapping into a newly discovered brain mechanism. Drawing on cutting-edge neurology and firsthand research gathered on journeys to nine of the world's talent hotbeds, author Coyle identifies the three key elementsthat will allow you to develop your gifts and optimize your performance in sports, art, music, math, or just about anything.--From publisher description.

books

Books

What is the secret of talent? How do we unlock it? This groundbreaking work provides readers with tools they can use to maximize potential in themselves and others. Whether you’re coaching soccer or teaching a child to play the piano, writing a novel or trying to improve your golf swing, this revolutionary book shows you how to grow talent by tapping into a newly discovered brain mechanism.Drawing on cutting-edge neurology and firsthand research gathered on journeys to nine of the world’s talent hotbeds—from the baseball fields of the Caribbean to a classical-music academy in upstate New York—Coyle identifies the three key elements that will allow you to develop your gifts and optimize your performance in sports, art, music, math, or just about anything.• Deep Practice Everyone knows that practice is a key to success. What everyone doesn’t know is that specific kinds of practice can increase skill up to ten times faster than conventional practice.• Ignition We all need a little motivation to get started. But what separates truly high achievers from the rest of the pack? A higher level of commitment—call it passion—born out of our deepest unconscious desires and triggered by certain primal cues. Understanding how these signals work can help you ignite passion and catalyze skill development.• Master Coaching What are the secrets of the world’s most effective teachers, trainers, and coaches? Discover the four virtues that enable these “talent whisperers” to fuel passion, inspire deep practice, and bring out the best in their students.These three elements work together within your brain to form myelin, a microscopic neural substance that adds vast amounts of speed and accuracy to your movements and thoughts. Scientists have discovered that myelin might just be the holy grail: the foundation of all forms of greatness, from Michelangelo’s to Michael Jordan’s. The good news about myelin is that it isn’t fixed at birth; to the contrary, it grows, and like anything that grows, it can be cultivated and nourished.Combining revelatory analysis with illuminating examples of regular people who have achieved greatness, this book will not only change the way you think about talent, but equip you to reach your own highest potential.

Daniel Coyle is the author of the upcoming book The Culture Code (January 2018). He is the New York Times bestselling author of The Talent Code, The Little Book of Talent, The Secret Race (with Tyler Hamilton), and other books. Winner (with Hamilton) of the 2012 William Hill Sports Book of the Year Prize, he is a contributing editor for Outside magazine, and also works a special advisor to the Cleveland Indians. Coyle lives in Cleveland, Ohio during the school year and in Homer, Alaska, during the summer with his wife Jen, and their four children.

Daniel Coyle

The Talent Code

New Year's Eve is a time for reflection about the last year and a time for considering goals for the future. Taking on new challenges is easy when you're young: learn Spanish, learn to paint.
However, even older people can take up learning a new skill. The premise that there is a critical period in life after which you can't do certain things, such as learning a language or an instrument, is far weaker than first suspected.

Anyone can learn a new skill

<ul><li>Barns owls have been evidence of critical periods. Young owls could quickly adapt when their perception of the world was distorted with a prism. Older owls couldn't. Years later, a neuroscientist found that you could indeed teach an older owl by breaking up the task into small pieces.</li><li>In another human study, the visual disorder Amblyopia, called "lazy eye" were used. The advice was that you could only treat a child by wearing an eye patch over the good eye to strengthen the weak one. However, a later study showed that the method also worked on subjects as old as sixty-one.</li></ul>

The myth of critical periods keep people from trying

Learning about music can help you advance in other things, like language skills and improved hearing, and in ways that can last for decades. Music training can help the brain to notice the elements of sound and increase verbal intelligence. A New Year's resolution shouldn't be at becoming great at something but at becoming better or happier.

Unexpected benefits

Whether your dream is to play piano, cook steak sous-vide, or finally learn to speak French, the lesson from all this new research is clear: there is no …

education

Learning & Education

Happy New Year: Pick Up a New Skill

Much of one's identity or self-esteem revolves around the “stories” one creates to make sense of the world. Many people's stories involve judgment and labelling, which are cognitive distortions. They aren't real, although they seem so. Once one becomes aware of the nature of these stories, it's easier to let go and move on.

What We Are Is Often A Sum Of Stories

We are programmed from birth to be a certain way or not based on the opinions of our parents, siblings, teachers, peers, and society. Each input is processed by your brain to create your version of life and how to best live it. The problem is that we are living out these stories, but we are not necessarily connected to who we actually are.

These Stories Involve Judgement And Labelling

To better understand the story concept, consider common situations where the brain focuses on a self-perceived flaw that is not physically painful. It might be your height, weight, the shape of your body, or even an individual body part. The brain will focus on the negative judgments that ramp up our emotions because that is what is supposed to do—be on the lookout for danger. What does all of this have to do with being in pain? It fires up our flight-or-fight response, is inflammatory, sensitizes our <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/neuroscience">nervous system</a>, and we feel more pain.

These Stories Tend To Be Rough And Inflexible Self-criticisms

These “stories” we have about ourselves that we project onto the world are the way we create our egos. One term for this is “<a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/self-esteem">self-esteem </a>.” It is a deadly process that is the root cause of many bad behaviors. Humans are focused on not being vulnerable because it threatens survival. We also know that emotional pain is as disruptive (or more) to your well-being as physical pain. So, we spend a tremendous amount of energy on appearing powerful—both to ourselves and the world.

And These Stories Make Up Our Self-Esteem

The unconsciousness survival response, which is the source for the sensation we call <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/anxiety">anxiety </a>, is far more powerful than our conscious brain. The personal and societal consequences are severe. Our “<a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/identity">identity </a>” is defined by our mental constructs of ourselves, most of which are created by the perceptions and reactions of those close to us. This is even a bigger problem if you were raised in a chaotic or abusive environment. Instead of feeling safe and connected, you are constantly “on alert” and you also have to build your own identity (façade).

The Problem Is That This Can’t Work And Doesn’t Work

What is more convoluted is that your identity becomes dependent on being accepted and validated by others but it is more powerful to withhold approval or even <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/bullying">bully </a>someone that you perceive is weaker. This circular power struggle continues throughout life unless you understand and use the tools that will pull you out of this game.

A Vicious Circle

It becomes even more complicated when you begin to understand how the human brain works and that much, if not most of our self-esteem (or lack thereof) is based on cognitive distortions. Dr. David Burns, in his bestselling book, Feeling Good, categorizes them into 10 “errors of thinking.” He uses the term “ANTs” to describe them, which stands for “Automatic Negative Thoughts.” Some of the categories are:<ul><li>Labelling</li><li>“Should thinking”</li><li>Minimizing the positive</li><li>Emphasizing the negative—“not good enough”</li></ul>

10 Errors Of Thinking - The ANTs

Imagine someone at work walked by you and didn’t acknowledge you. You might think they’re upset with you about a situation that occurred the day before. The error in thinking, in this case, would be “mind-reading.” You can’t read other people’s minds. It’s possible that the other person had just received some bad news and wasn’t engaging with anyone. But you don’t really know. Making assumptions consumes emotional energy.

An Example Of An Error In Thinking

In the error of labeling, a frequently late spouse becomes “inconsiderate.” A forgetful <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/adolescence">teenager </a>becomes “irresponsible.” In the act of labeling, especially negative labeling, you’re overlooking the details of a given set of circumstances and also someone’s good qualities. You have limited your capacity to enjoy interacting with them.

Labelling Other

Then there are the labels we have for ourselves: You knock something over and call yourself “clumsy.” If a lover breaks up with you, then you’re “unlovable.” Rehashing these critical self-judgments in our minds turns them into deeply embedded stories. Such stories are much harder to move on from than single judgments. Once a judgment sets into a story, you tend to lose perspective. Over time, faulty thinking becomes your version of reality.

Labelling Ourselves

Another destructive phenomenon is focusing on a spouse or partner’s negative traits. The other person usually has innumerable positive qualities that are forgotten in the face of their “flaw.” Over time the “story” we tell ourselves can become so strong it can break apart an otherwise great relationship. If you realized that you were just projecting your own negative perception of yourself onto him or her, you might think twice about verbalizing your thoughts. You might as well talk into a bullhorn and broadcast, “This is what I think about me.”

ANTs And Relationships

You may be unaware how much of your identity is wrapped up in creating and reinforcing these stories about who you are. So, you may spend a lot of time in an agitated state and not understand why.But awareness of these stories is what can dissolve them. These perceived thought distortions are just as damaging as real threats, but with awareness, you can separate from them, and then redirect your <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/attention">attention </a>where you choose. You don’t have to “fix” them because they are not real (even though they seem that way). You can train your brain to let go and move past them.

Why The Awareness Of The Stories Is Important

Self-esteem is a disaster at every conceivable level as it not only separates you from others, but you also can’t even work your way back to find out who they really are. And what about the effects on you? You are not connected to yourself. It requires a tremendous amount of mental energy to create and maintain your ego, and it is just a collective opinion of what the world has programmed you to be.

Self-Esteem Is Often More Of ASafety Hazard Than A Safety Net

You can’t fix this human need to define our reality through stories. It is at the core of human language and consciousness. But by becoming aware of their impact on you and others, maybe my they will lose their power, and you’ll be free.

Remember That Stories Are Versions, TalesMaybe Even Lies

Much of our life energy is consumed by our efforts to define our "self.” It’s critical therefore for us to understand that our “identity” is in fact defined by our mental constructs of ourselves, most of which are created by the perceptions and reactions of others. 

Much of our life energy is consumed by our efforts to define our "self."

mindfulness

Mindfulness

mentalhealth

Mental Health

Judgment and Storytelling: The Deadly Nature of Self-Esteem

Find  Self Improvement Tips - Curated from popular Books like Atomic Habits, 48 Rules of Power, Deep Work, Rich Dad Poor Dad and way more!